Hi, my story is that I met husband when I was 19 and by the age of 22 we had 2 boys, been married 8yrs, been living apart for 3yrs but he stays 2 nights a week , we sleep in separate rooms and might have sex once a month. We separated when I was having a very depressed time, he suffers long term depression so he was unable to emotionally support me, which hurt me and put a lot of distance between us. Right now I feel I am sinking and have been so low that death would be a welcome break(not suicidal, just worn down). Also one of my sons has OCD and contamination/germ fear and is being tested for aspies. I only get out the house twice a week, home school. I love my children and will do all I can to make them happy but I feel I need some small piece of happiness and long to find a partner who sees me with fresh eyes, a guy who came to fix my washing machine asked me out for a drink and for the first time in years I felt great about myself, I was in old clothes with no make-up, my husband recently told me I would need to wear sexy nightwear to get him excited. My husband wants us to live together but seems unable to see how out of love and touch with each other we are. He is a good father and provides for the kids but has not got me flowers in years because I ask for them, right after waiting six months of not hinting. I want to go out for a drink with this bloke but I need to end what's left of my marriage, I have cried over the last 4yrs about the lost love and wanted to stick it out for the kids but with one son with mental health issues and husband emotionally unable to sustain a relationship, I feel the only way I can have a life I need to end it for good, I am 32 but feel like all the joy of life is past me. When I was 19 i fell in love for the first time so it is hard to close the book, I am scared that I am being selfish, I may end up alone for good. How do you know that the right thing is to move on? We have massive rows from the build up of saying nothing, which he would prefer but I want passion and to feel attractive.
Please help, I find myself drinking red wine alone to unwind and feel something.