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Original poster

AIBU? Internet History ~ Bit Trivial

26 replies

redcarrot1 · 12/11/2013 15:16

Over 33 weeks pregnant and went into hospital with stomach pains and having vomited. Was there for about 3 hours while they did all the checks, including unpleasant internal check etc. Anyway partner couldn't make it and I was fine with that. Just been looking at the internet history and while I was away, once home he was busy looking at tabloid soft porn and checking his emails, including ignoring mine asking him to get various baby essentials (been in his inbox for some days).

So bloody pissed off, I have just blasted him for being so tactless that he could be enjoying himself while something potentially serious was going on. Just feel like my baby and I have been so damn disrespected.

AIBU? I feel like an up tight bitch and probably should have said nothing.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/11/2013 15:19

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's not just tactless, he must have lied. What excuse did he give for not being at the hospital with you?

Original poster
redcarrot1 · 12/11/2013 15:23

Thanks. He was genuinely on his way home and I just said I'll go now as its probably nothing. Been in hospital a few times and its been OK in the end. I'm fine that he wasn't there really.

He looks at this stuff all the time. I just thought he might have the decency to lay off the one evening I'm in hospital...

OP posts:
Original poster
redcarrot1 · 15/11/2013 09:37

OK people....I need your help. Tell me bluntly. Am I over reacting over my partner looking at tabloid smut every frikk'n day on the internet...even after blasting him about the above tactless incident? I can't help it, but it makes me deeply resentful considering I'm pregnant and my only thoughts at the moment are 'what we need for baby etc'. I'm quite uptight about this sort of thing so I need other people's opinions.

OP posts:
TheCrumpetQueen · 15/11/2013 09:41

He looks at porn every day? I would say he has an addiction and should seek help.

Original poster
redcarrot1 · 15/11/2013 09:42

Its soft porn, like women in bikinis etc. Which is why I feel I may be over reacting and have put up with it.

OP posts:
TheCrumpetQueen · 15/11/2013 09:46

If it upsets you, it upsets you and you have a right to feel that way especially when pregnant. Does he have to look at it everyday?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/11/2013 09:46

You can only react the way you react. There's no right and wrong when it comes to feelings. If it's bothering you and you've asked him to stop, he should be sensitive about that, respect you wishes and either stop or at least be a lot more discreet. How do you know he's looking every day?

Original poster
redcarrot1 · 15/11/2013 09:52

I check his history as its my laptop and I'm pretty neurotic about what my laptop gets used for. I really don't like being a weirdo internet patrol person :( I haven't mentioned how I feel up until now as I prefer him to do it out in the open as opposed to being more secretive/lying. I just wish he'd be more respectful and not do it at all. I hate men and the internet.

OP posts:
maleview70 · 15/11/2013 09:55

I wouldn't describe that as soft porn but if
you don't like it, then you don't like it.

Meerka · 15/11/2013 09:55

I wouldnt worry about it myself at all ... as long as he was actually there when the big stuff's happening like going into hospital for a check. That would really annoy me, if he wasnt. Soft porn is not worth bothering about imo. Long as its not left open where anyone can stumble on it.

Original poster
redcarrot1 · 15/11/2013 09:58

OK...to be more specific its all the female voyeristic shit you see on the Daily Mail website.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/11/2013 09:59

If it's pictures that would be allowed in a newspaper, how bad are they. (Don't read the Daily Mail to be able to judge, sorry)

Original poster
redcarrot1 · 15/11/2013 10:01

Neither of us read it. He just looks at the images on the internet. I don't know if they're featured in the actual newspaper.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/11/2013 10:13

The Daily Mail is many things but I wouldn't call it 'porn'. When you say voyeuristic are we talking celebs on beaches in bikinis ... that kind of thing? Either way, if it's bothering you, you really have to say something. Very unfair and not particularly constructive to seethe in silence.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 15/11/2013 15:47

Erm......you are upset because your partner has been looking at the Mail online ?? Hmm

WhoNickedMyName · 15/11/2013 15:52

I would be horrified if I thought my DH was looking at the Daily Mail Grin

Jan45 · 15/11/2013 16:04

Every day sounds a bit ott, can't he go a day without looking at a naked or semi naked woman.

And tbh at 33 weeks pregnant I'd be pissed off with him too, could he be any less tactful or selfish - I'd also wonder what else he was looking at out of your sight.

Mapleissweet · 15/11/2013 16:18

The daily mail tabloid crap online us turning into fhm.
I am sick of seeing women half naked on there.
I would be upset too op. It's highly insensitive for a dh to be leering over these women online, knowing that pregnancy us a very vulnerable time for women and they need to feel loved and secure.
I think it's more insensitive then porn which is just watching people have sex as opposed to looking up girls in bikinis etc with perfect (airbrushed!) bodies.

tallwivglasses · 15/11/2013 17:15

Add up how many minutes/hours a day he's looking at this mindless crap, then work out how much time he's wasting a week, a month, a year - then tell him, it might shock him.

Personally I'd rather be a lone parent than know the father of my child is doing this every day. Presumably if you have a long labour he'll have to get his fix on his phone at the hospital...

Original poster
redcarrot1 · 15/11/2013 17:46

To be fair, women look at this stuff as well to compare themselves etc. Its loathful stuff though.

I tried today to block the Daily Mail website on my computer, but it won't work. I think I'm going to have a calm conversation with him about how resentful it makes me, particularly at this time. But I know he'll eventually just end up replacing one thing with another...makes me wonder if I should just stick with his current habits...

Thankfully we're both non-smart phone users. I could never trust him if he got one, especially when you read all the stories here!

Thanks all!

OP posts:
Charlesroi · 15/11/2013 17:49

I would be horrified if I thought my DH was looking at the Daily Mail Grin

Yep, I'd LTB.

OP - you are massively overreacting. If you were OK about him not coming to the hospital then you can be chilled about reading the Daiy Fail. Difficult though that might be.

Original poster
redcarrot1 · 15/11/2013 17:52

ok - if its a slap in the face I need than I'll willingly take it!

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 15/11/2013 18:23

we're both non smartphone users. I could never trust him if he got one

In that case your problems go way beyond him sneaking a peek at the Daily Mail.

Joysmum · 15/11/2013 18:58

I don't mind porn so even if it was porn it wouldn't bother me.

What would bother me is if hubby wouldn't come to the hospital in favour of looking at that stuff.

Of course, I could appreciate if he was so stressed out and seeking mindless distraction but only because I know my hubby would always support me so it'd be a one off and I'd expect him to talk to me and share his fears. If he didn't talk about if be angry. If not being there was the norm I'd be very worried and concerned indeed.

HellonHeels · 16/11/2013 10:52

Some women also spend a lot of time looking as this body fascist stuff online and in mags like Heat. it is distasteful but not what I'd class as porn.

To me the issue seems to be that you feel he's not involved with the imminent baby, that he feels free to ignore an email from you and that he was so unconcerned about your hospital visit that he just went home from work and fannied about looking at rubbish on the net.

I'd be talking to him about that rather than focusing on daily mail pics.

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