parents giving me a guilt trip

[eatingsweets]

If I don't see my parents every week, I feel so guilty. Was going shopping today, so phoned to let them know (as my dad said they may pop over sometime today)and mum said so your not dropping in then? I said I thought you were coming here. She said she didn't know dad had said they would pop over and she had lots of ironing to do. Ten minutes later my dad phoned to say why dont I drop kids off there and go shopping. I said I was taking them with me as dropping them off etc would take too long. He said it would allow them to see the kids. I said well your welcome to come here when we get back. Sorry- very long and rambling, but I just feel we always have to go there with all the changing bags, high chair etc. so that they can just continue doing their garden , ironing etc. If they are coming they come when it suits them- when theyve done what they wanted for the day. They seem to forget I have my own family and house to look after. How do I deal with this?

sorry, es, no advice really, just sympathy and {{{hugs}}} and a big bump!

tell them straight it can sometimes be a lot of hassle to pack all the gear needed to visit them, and sometimes it really helps if you don't have to do that and they visit you instead.

also - keep spares of the relevant bits at your parents - eg high chair, changing mat, spare nappies etc - then you don't have to pack so much to take with you.

Eatingsweets,

There are parallels between your situation and my own re the parentes and you have my sympathies. Some grandparents just do not for whatever reason feel comfy with being around the grandchildren, my parents are like this.

What is it with parents and ironing?. My parents, well my Mother as she does the ironing in their house (along with my brother's but that's another thread), are the bloody same!. Think its a generational thing.

I don't think your parents realise exactly how much work is entailed in taking all your stuff for the children over to their house. Mine certainly did not.

There needs to be better communication between the three of you (I note also your Dad did not tell his wife about his plans which is part of this problem). I would try and talk to them calmly without your children being there.

Do you have a set day that you can all meet up; start a new family tradition. Know that sounds a bit trite but its not meant to be.

Guilt is a useless emotion - do not feel guilty. You just need to put your points across to them without them feeling you are being confrontational and or difficult. Have done this with mine and it has worked up to a point. However, my lot (and I would say the same re your parents) will not readily change - they themselves can only change their own behaviours. You cannot make them.

tbh i think you are very very lucky your parents want to see you&your children every week&also to offer you take them there while you shop what a luxury,just be greatfull

can really sympathise. used to feel a bit like that, and now i live in another country i feel i have to justify my holidays when i'm not going home!

it it were me next time they want you to come round, i'd sigh and say i'm just too exhausted to get all the kids stuff together and i just can't handle it today. why don't you come over here instead? there's plenty of ironing / gardening? haha

they basically want to enjoy the kids and you without making too much effort, and then if you don't they express disappointment in the hopes that you'll cave. i know they're old, but they're being a bit lazy too! they want all their creature comforts, without sparing a thought for you.

you're right to make a stand and say no occasionally, or insist that they come over. and i'd not go every week anymore. just say you're struggling to keep up - appeal to their sympathies.