relationship is failing - scared, lost , confused & stuck

[msnamechanger]

Sorry for the namechange - this is very personal.

I've been with my DP for 6 years and we have a 14 month old DS together. We have our problems and rows but I'm starting to feel like I can't take it anymore. I seem to bring out the worse in him and I now feel the only way our rows can stop is that I change into a editited version of myself and stop fighting my corner. He has wonderful qualities and I used to feel so lucky to have him and had so much love for him. He has become so negitive and agressive.

He doesn't seem to get much enjoyment out of life and has little enthusiasm for anything and I cant stand it.

We have this amazing, beautiful little boy together. He is a wonderful father to him. What am i supposed to do? Split them up and potentially ruin both their lives or resign myself to the fact that I have to change my personality to fit in with his, watch what I say and how I say it. Maybe he is right and I do make him how he is.

I have no money of my own and my family can't offer me much support. I gave up my job to look after our Son so even if I get past the emotional stuff, dont know how I would live.

I dont want us to split up but I don't know how much longer I can go on feeling like this.

What can I do?

when did you start feeling this way?

Has anything happened to make him change? Is he under pressure at work? Is he finding it a strain being sole provider to you and DS?

Hello

I've felt like this on and off for a long time but the last 3 or so months have been bad.

He is under allot of pressure at work. He works in the public sector and allot of his collegues don't pull their weight. He has this project on and he has got himself very involeved because it will be good for his career. I know this is a factor, but this project is going to go on for another 6 months to a year.

has this been since you had your ds? having a child can have a massive impact on a relationship

Does he know how you feel? Do you think he feels the same?

I think he's fed up with me too to be honest, but I don't think he wants 'out'. He is always saying me and DS are his life.

We have always rowed TBH, but put it down to outside influences like the house we were renovating, lack of money, in-laws, his manager being a nightmare etc etc

Well, I don't really know why I started on this thread, because any of my RL friends will confirm that I am a rubbish relationship advisor, and I am myself in a pretty rubbish relationship. But it does seem that if you've been happy together not so long ago, and if he says that you're his life, then it's probably worth fighting a bit more for. Especially since there seem to be so many factors that could be causing the problem. I know it's cliched, but lots of people on here have found Relate helpful, or perhaps you need to go away together? Sorry, don't know why I'm advising you when I can't sort myself out. HOpe you get things straight.

That's a nice post Beetle73 and does actually make me feel a bit better.

The most worrying line of your post for me was 'resign myself to the fact that I have to change my personality to fit in with his, watch what I say and how I say it'. It must be awful to feel like that constantly, but I also thing he shouldn't make you feel like that, or maybe that your confidence has taken a knock. Did you always feel like this with him or is it a recent thing?

Having children is a huge thing and it does alter the landscape of your relationship and I have found it can eat away at your confidence, esp if you gave up your job to be a mother. We have had lots of problems since we had our 3 and I'm still not sure we are through it, but it is very tough.

I'm not great at relationships either but you sound so sad and low.......I suppose you have told him how you feel? If you have, what did he say?