"You'll never find anyone with two children"

[NickysMam]

Said soon to be exH.

I posted a thread (or was it a reply?) that I left H when I was 17 weeks pregnant with my 2 year old DS due to emotional and physical abuse.

So I'm pregnant with DC2 and naturally we talk but only to do with DS and the pregnancy.

Today out of nowhere, he said on the phone "well, I'm laughing because I know for a fact that you'll never find anyone with two children. No man would go there, so enjoy the single life! And don't think you can crawl back to me either hangs up"

I will admit, I felt like absolute shit. I've never really thought about it as it's too soon after leaving but the fact may still remain.

Am I really destined to a life of loneliness (well not really I have my beautiful children, but you know what I mean)?

[angel1976]

Absolutely bull, don't listen to twatface, you have time on your side as well.

My STBXH left early this year, for someone younger and 'more ambitious' (TWAT! Even his mum pointed out that 10 years ago before I took a step back in my career for OUR kids, I was ambitious go-getter!). I was devastated. I couldn't eat, sleep or stop crying for the first couple of months, then with the support of some amazing friends, I got my life back for the first time since I had kids. I went to gigs, afternoon teas, art exhibitions, movies, wandered around towns with my single friends and also my friends' families. STBXH was a selfish twunt who left me to do all the child-rearing/housework despite me maintaining a fairly well paid flexible part-time job.

I couldn't think about relationships for a long time. I couldn't see myself with anyone else but ex-twunt (not because I was NOT over him, it was because I just couldn't imagine it as I had been with him 12 years). And I thought like your ex in my darkest moments, 'Who would want to take on a 36-year-old woman with two young energetic boys?' I got all the help I could get, I got a therapist on the NHS (seeing him for the final time this week!), and he did CBT with me. I concentrated on my boys and getting through our split with as little damage as possible (especially when ex-twunt wanted to introduce his GF to them 4 months after he moved out ).

Almost a year on, things are so different. I have met STBXH's girlfriend and I actually think she is lovely, for which I am happy for as she will be spending lots of time around my DSs. My DSs are very well-adjusted and happy. I am finally finishing my therapy and looking forward to that as I finally feel I am ready to do without that support. I've gone from thinking who would want to take on a woman with two kids to thinking my boys are so freaking lovely, ANY man would be lucky to have them in their lives!

I've also completely and unexpectedly met someone very, very lovely. He is completely different from STBXH and not someone I expected myself to go out with in the past. But he has been such an unexpected blessing in my life, I still find it hard to believe how I managed to meet him when I wasn't looking. And he is exactly what I needed after ex-twunt. He takes care of me, he absolutely spoils me. He buys me flowers. He took me away for a weekend soon after we met. He buys me lovely presents. He also has a daughter my older DS's age. We haven't got to the stage of meeting our DCs yet as we want to make sure we do it right if we last the distance but I'm enjoying the relationship for what it is now, which is just two people who have fallen in love rather unexpectedly! Even if we don't last, I know now it is possible to meet someone who would be willing to take me and my boys on, and not as a burden IYKWIM. Best of luck! You are still so early on the breakup and feeling fragile, don't let twunt bring you down, you are better than that!

[VikingLady]

My uncle met and married a really lovely woman with four DCs, and they have a DCS together too. 10 years now and they seem happy!

[Longdistance]

Well, no one will want to date him, with him being an utter twunt!

[ALittleStranger]

He's a cunt, thank god you're not with him anymore.

How does his little brain compute the legions of single mothers who have gone on to meet fab new partners?

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Bluntly while you have a pulse you can find a new partner/they can find you. You're simply going to take care that any male in DCs' lives will be a healthy, positive influence. And you will be cherished. He's grasping at straws trying to console himself. Ignore him.

[SirRaymondClench]

Only read the Op but just wanted to say that my supposed best friend said this to me when my XH fucked off with another woman.
"Who will want you now?" she helpfully asked me at my lowest moment.
Well to answer her question (and not bigging myself up, believe me I am not 'all that') absolutely loads of men. Not that I went there but I could have.
I am now happily remarried and had a couple of longish relationships in the interim so tell your XH to shove it up his rectum!
Loads of men will want you and you'll be fighting them off!!

[thewizenedone]

Ex said almost exactly the same words to me, guess who is now trawling dating sites after a second divorce ?

[MoominsYonisAreScary]

I split up with exh not long after ds2 was born. 8years later ds3 was born closely followed by ds4 and recently ds5.

When ds2 was 6 months I started an access course and then trained as a mh nurse. I had a good 5-6 years of being a sp before meeting dp. Me and the dc had a great time together just the 3 of us. Hard work at times, especially while training and working but I loved every minute of it.

you have a great life ahead of you, whatever you choose to do! I suspect in 10 years time your ex will have a string of failed relationships behind him as he sounds like an arse hole

[UriGeller]

What a shit.

Also wrong. I had 2 kids when I met my OH.

Now WE have 4 So tell him to stick that up his orifice!

[bigstrongmama]

My stbxh told me the same...few months on I am with an amazing guy who is sweet, kind and loving, and has kids of his own so respects my family life. Couldn't ask for more!

Sounds like his last ditch attempt to get you back where he wants you. Don't listen!
There is actually no need to talk to him on the phone. Email is fine. Be civil at handovers and no more. I feel much happier if I prevent stbxh from getting to me, which he does at every opportunity. Don't give him the opportunity.

Well done for leaving

[treadpattern]

NickysMam - as a now single man with 2 kids, my online dating search criteria is for single women with children. He's being mean and you no longer need to listen to that. When you are ready, dive in!

[Anniegetyourgun]

Ach, he's just lashing out, he doesn't even believe it himself. He just thought it sounded like something suitably hurtful to hurl at you in retaliation for leaving. Like "you're shit in bed anyway" or "no-one will want someone as fat as you", it isn't true, it's just playing on whatever insecurities the ex-partner perceives you have. Which is a bit of a dirty trick really, and doesn't deserve the time of day.

You're only 22 and a loving and sensible-sounding woman, of course you'll find somebody! The only problem will be fending off the predatory ones who expect a mother of two to be desperate (which is rather insulting, don't you think?) You'll find someone nice and it won't be all that long from now, although I do think you shouldn't be in any kind of hurry. Certainly don't allow someone into your life just to prove you can. Proving you can live perfectly well without a nasty man is just as much a poke in the eye to the ex - if his opinion mattered at all, which it doesn't.

[Thants]

I had a friend who was with an abusive ex who used to say this to her when they split.
It's simply not true! She's had a few flings and is now in serious relationship.
Another friend who has 2 children has just moved in with her new partner! If someone likes you then they like your children!

[TimidLivid]

My cousin came here from another country fleeing domestic abuse attempts to kill her. She now has a lovely boyfriend who cook for her and goes on hoilday with her... Five children. She had two other boyfriends before him. Her ex partner used to tell her no one else will want you with five kids. Wrong wrong wrong. They all say the same shit. He wants you to the think you have no options at a time when the world is all open to you and you have never been more free. Pregnancy and newborn doesn't go on forever and then you will be free to do whatever you decide, you ex does not want you to see that

[AutumnMadness]

Repeat after me: twat, twat, twaaaat, twat, twatty-twaaaaaat! Twat-twat-twat! Dick!

[stickysausages]

You will find someone, who is a real man, capable of loving you and your children. Your twunt of an ex shouldn't judge others by his own poor standards. I know plenty of step-parents, I'm a step-child

[LisaMed]

My Dad has a very interesting love life. I keep bumping into his old girlfriends. He is 82 and they are girlfriends he had since he moved 100 miles to be with me two years ago.

I should add that his 'girlfriends' are all in their seventies and enjoying life. They have grandchildren and are dating. Dad hasn't brought anyone home, but I don't ask any questions when he's out.

What your twat meant was, 'I want you to believe you are worthless so that you will put up with me in desperation'. Good luck.

[maleview70]

As you are still very young, there will be men your own age and slightly older that wont want that responsibility. However as the saying goes, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Certainly in mid 30's upwards, a popular age for couples to split up, many already have kids and its almost expected when dating that someone you meet may well have kids. Not so much at the younger dating end though.

I would actually advise you not to get too worried by this and actually live your life a little. You are 22 and must have missed out on the usual social life a 22 year old has. Make the most of your free time and don't get fixated on the need to be in another relationship. Have some fun and wait until the time is right before getting serious again! Watch out for idiots too....there will be plenty of those!

[gamerchick]

Ash don't dwell on it. I hooked up with my husband when my youngest was 2 .. The youngest of 3 kids and we're very happy.

It's just a dig to try keep you down.

[Capitaltrixie]

Erm..loads will, so no - it most definitely is NOT TRUE! (what a load of absolute shite he spouts). I was a single mum with 2 very young DC and now have a lovely DP. He sounds horrible. Well done for leaving and yes - just monitor the interaction you have with him, protect yourself and your DC.

Agree with maleview, do make the most of free time and don't rush into another relationship. Good luck, you'll have a lovely life (without him)

[Anniegetyourgun]

Just re-reading my post above where I said "you can live perfectly well without a nasty man" - I don't mean men are nasty, just that your ex was! Hope that was obvious.

[ratspeaker]

My MIL was told the same in these exact circumstances in the 1960s. She too had an emotional and physically abusive exH and was pregnant with her 2nd child when she left.
It's said to hurt, to punish you for daring to leave.
MIL later met and married the man she was with for well over forty years, only death parted them.

By your exs logic Angelina Jollie would be alone now...

[differentnameforthis]

Well my stepfather (childless) took us on (2 children) when we were 8 & 9.
My friend got with her dh (childless) & she had 2 children.
My niece got with her df (childless) when she had one child (they now have 2 together)
An acquaintance got with her (now ex) bf (he was childless at the time) when she had three children & they went on to have 2 together.

So actually yes, it does happen. Perhaps what he is saying is that he wouldn't get together with a woman who had children, and that is his choice, but it doesn't mean no one will. He is hitting out at you for leaving him & contrary to what he says 9about not crawling back to him) that is probably exactly what he wants & is trying to achieve.

Ignore.

[Strawberrykisses]

What a dick. I left my STBXH, and he said this. I have two DC and my DP also has two. Your ex is a knob.