Would you try again after so many attemps?

[deepestpurple]

DH and I have been together for 14 years and we have 2 DC. Our relationship has slowly gone downhill for the past 8 years due to DH's lies and deceit.

8 years ago I walked in on DH wanking, I was shocked but downplayed it. Even asked him to come and finish off with me. Only he could not DTD once in bed with me. I spent the rest of the night in tears. We spoke about it the next evening, basically he was not so attracted to me anymore. DC1 was 9 or 10 months, maybe I wasn't what I was before DC.

5 years ago I found a massive amount of porn stored on the family pc. One picture had the head of an old flame photoshopped onto the body of a porn star in a typical pose. He knew where she worked, how to contact her, could easily have found her on fb. He denied contact, I didnt believe him. When I confronted him he looked like he would pass out.

He stopped saying he loved me many years ago, so I did too. During DC2 pregnancy he was cold and distant, we didnt have sex, his choice not mine. I thought maybe because he didnt really want another as DC I had persuaded him.

I frequently catch him out in silly pointless lies as well as the bigger ones. It got too much last year and i asked him to leave and wanted to separate. He went to his mums for 2 days, came back and talked me round with tears and promises.

A month ago I came across a rubber vagina in the loft. He seems to think it is no different to my vibrator. Except he knows about my vibe and I have been happy to share. I have never chosen a vibe over sex with him. He has frequently chosen porn/wanking/rubber fanny over me. I was shocked but this time not heartbroken. I don't love him anymore. He has let me down and hurt me so many times. He was worn away every bit of love and respect I ever had for him. We have separated but are in the same house. He wont tell his family. He has asked if we can work it out and says he does love me. To me that means more empty promises. He may change for a short time then be more careful about hiding things. He has admitted he had something of a porn addiction at one point. Do I stay in a unhappy loveless marriage?

Don't apologise, it's true and I know it. It's just so sad.

I am really sorry, DO

It does sound like this relationship has reached it's limit for you.

DP*

I wouldn't bother.

He's been growing away from you for years (don't think of it so much as "is it my fault", more as "shit happens")

I'm a bit about all the judgey comments about his wanking aids, but for whatever reason he seems either unwilling or incapable of dtd with you.

Why would you want to put up with a man like that? I'd not expect a man to stay with a woman who didn't want to do anything with them.

He's not told his family; I suspect they may guess it's over withhim having been sent to his mum's previously.

Work out how you will deal with house and children and say it's over.

I don't love him anymore.
He was worn away every bit of love and respect I ever had for him.

That's it then. The rubber twat etc is only highlighting how bad things are between you. If you were getting on well, lots of loving both physical and emotional then I doubt the sex aid would bother you as much.

It's over, you've said it yourself. Time to plan your next move.

A rubber vagina, OMG and prefers it to the real thing, also has a porn addiction and has photo shopped an ex onto a porn star - how could you possibly have any respect for him when he clearly has none for you and by the sounds of it, women in general.

It's up to you, I wouldn't be staying for convenience sake, you deserve the love and adoration of a good man who can actually love you and not prefer sex aids in front of you.

Jan45
A rubber vagina, OMG

You mean you look down on him because of that? FFS get your judgy pants on for any woman uses a vibrator to masturbate with.

prefers it to the real thing, also has a porn addiction and has photo shopped an ex onto a porn star - how could you possibly have any respect for him That bit, I agree with.

The rubber fanny is the just the final straw , not really the main thing.

The only time our relationship is functioning well is when I'm blissfully ignorant of what's going on. Enough is enough.

Thank you all for your thoughts.

OneMoreChap: Your judgey pants are stuck on for life by the sounds of you or then again, perhaps you too have a rubber vag in your attic.

Did I say I looked down on him, making lots of assumptions there, almost like you are judging me.

I can also swear, look Feck Off.

Jan45 FOTTOSOFATFOSM

If I went "A vibrator! OMG" I'd sound like a completely foolish pillock.
But then, of course, I didn't.

OMC, a rubber fanny offers nothing more than a real fanny can (except perhaps it doesn't come with a mind and will of it's own... ?). A man who uses a rubber one when there is a ready and willing real one has very massive issues.

Vibrators do something that cocks cannot (as lovely as cocks are, am not dissing the cocks). They vibrate ... If you had a clitoris, you would know. That is all I am saying on the matter

Sorry, haven't made that clear enough. A bloke that uses a rubber fanny instead of and in place of a real one, that is, when the woman attached to the real one has made it quite clear she is upset about her lack of a sex life and the fact that he shows her no intimacy.

Where have you been anyway, OMC, haven't seen you around for a wee while.

Working away with limited access to the outside (IRL and online as it goes).

I think the bloke here is a complete prat FWIW, and having an available partner and choosing to masturbate instead?

[tbh, if it was as well I'd be less bothered]

Vibrators are toys for chaps too, as one frolicsome ex GF demonstrated to my delight. We tried a "male masturbator" (battery powered and not an imitation vagina) and it was not much fun. [OK, she liked my embarrassment]

It's just the urgh! reaction. Would it be the same if it is was an onacup? And no, I haven't tried one of those either.

onacup ?

I daren't google.

Masturbation is not the problem here.

It's another device. Like a dildo is another device that some people use (that doesn't vibrate, as I recall).

I think it's the lack of respect and communication that's the issue here (but as I said upthread he'd been pulling away fpr years and wasn't showing OP any real attention.) He wants binning, to be blunt.

Indeed.