Is it wrong to want the Fireworks even though I mature 40+?

[Hormonalhell]

Hi all, been online dating 18 months now, I must have had 50 plus dates now, some good, most bad I'm still trying to find that elusive 'spark'. Met one guy I felt that way about and he turned out to be married. Never felt like that about any others. Some I've found attractive but for some reason or another it's just not worked out.

So my question is should I hold out in the hope one day I'll find that guy that makes me go weak at the knees or because I'm not getting any younger give these guys a chance to see if love grows?

Hold out for the spark but be prepared to entertain that one or two might also be slow-burners. :) Good luck

Slow burners usually turn out to be more genuine men IME.

Well call me shallow but for me the first spark is what I see. After that other things make me go wobbly.

Some bloke on POF messaged me the other day and asked me what was the one quality I was looking for in a bloke. It was easy. I said "he has to be like all my best male mates rolled into one". And that's it .

Hold out, don't compromise but be realistic I guess unlike me.

yes, we have to be realistic

we no longer go to parties like teenagers where they meed dozens of new people at each

I was thinking about it the other day driving my daughter with her friends to one of them

at that age and until late 20's I used to meet loads new people every month & I wasn't able for ages to find anyone

so chances now are pretty slim...

Well Buzzardbird i hope that's true and where I'm going wrong then

My ex husband it was slow burn for me but was with him 13 years

Hormonalhell I don't think you're wrong to want the "spark" I'm holding out for that too, I've been trying OD dating for just 2 months and I'm 50.

I read one report that said that a woman over 45 is statistically more likely to get hit by a meteorite than find true love again - how depressing and a load of BS in my opinion!

We shouldn't let statistics hold us back or scare us into settling for something that is just ok rather than fabulous! I seem to have spent my whole life making compromises so i'm holding out for Mr Wonderfull to come along, mind you that's not to say I won't give Mr Nearly Wonderfull consideration too.

You never know what might be just around the next corner, I hope we both find what we are looking for!

Exactly Cynical, I think we do deserve to be excited about a relationship too. Us older women have higher sex drives apparently so they don't know what they missing

Well I know I must be knocking on a bit because I read your thread title and was expecting to see a thread where you were pissed off with your OH for not wanting to go to see the fireworks with you.

I don't want to divulge personal details like my real age oh here but I'm not out of place joining in this discussion. I'm also around 18 months into a new relationship with a man I definitely have that spark with. The relationship is very different to others I've had in no small part because of my age IMO.

When you are young, I think the expectation is that you build a life together. When you get past a certain age and find yourself single, you already have a life and it's completely independent of anyone you may find yourself dating. It makes for a very different kind of relationship. If you both have well-developed lives with family, friends, work, hobbies, interests, there's almost an element of having to schedule someone in like a dentist's appointment. I don't think mature adult relationships are ever quite as all-consuming as younger adult ones who may be making a family together, etc.

Which isn't to say the spark isn't there and that I didn't fall head over heels. I felt like a love-struck teenager at one point, pausing in thought and erupting in an enormous grin and even now I love the fact that I want to rip his clothes off every time I see him and that isn't fading. But I am far too long in the tooth to ever feel like the relationship was/is the most important thing in my life. It was only ever a part IYSWIM. Some people would feel that I'm describing the absence of fireworks, although I think I'm simply pragmatic.

I am waffling a bit here, but I say hold out for fireworks. They may not be quite the same variety as those you had when younger, but they should still be there.

But I am far too long in the tooth to ever feel like the relationship was/is the most important thing in my life. It was only ever a part IYSWIM.

I like that Dahlen and it ties in with how I've been feeling about the whole OD thing. I want someone, but I don't really want to put myself out too much for them.

Just re-read my title ha yes Dahlen could be totally misconstrued and no pun was intended

I sometimes find myself questioning what it is that I really want? And the problem is, I don't have the answer

what Dahlen says

I had "fireworks" in my early 20's, late teens, but of course at that age I was more easily impressed by things and had a more dramatic/drama attracting personality - if I met the equivalent of those guys now they just wouldn't push my emotional buttons in the same way?

I 100% love the guy I'm with - he's uber masculine and sorted (didn't just settle for "nice guy with common interests") - but he doesn't take up as much emotional space? If we broke up I'd be very very sad, but my life isn't pegged round him, simply as it wasn't shared for a large part of it.

I think after a certain age don't settle, but also remember that "the market" can be tough (after a certain age men stop having a "potential to develop": and there is often a whiff of bitterness about not growing into the men they could have been, which is not something you want to invite in your life! ) so don't beat yourself up if you haven't found the right one after a longish period of active dating? Especially if you're fairly attractive and sorted and want a drama free relationship, finding someone who is at your "level" will take longer"

Stay technically single, and if it gets really lonely take someone as a lover, or maybe do coffee/cinema/shared interest dates, but don't "take them as a proper partner"or try and force yourself to turn someone you see as a friend into a partner.

NOTHING more depressing than having to try and persuade yourself to think someone is the "one" when they aren't. Eighteen months isn't THAT long, better wait for someone who you're genuinely excited to be with than someone who is just a "friend you're persuading yourself to fancy". There's a myth that its either "nice guys who aren't fanciable" OR "bad boys who are" but there are men in between.

Great post Lifeof makes a lot of sense. Nice to have different perspectives on things.