God I miss Dh please come and talk some sense into me :-(

[Mosschops30]

We've been separated 7 months it was my decision

He gave me little/no help with dcs
No help with housework
Never cooked
Would occasionally swear at me in front of dcs
Never really made me feel loved
No respect for my career, his job was always more important
I never completely trusted him
Would coerce me into sex which was always about him

So why do I miss him. I miss him being here, miss the kids shouting 'DAD'
I miss the life we had, seeing other couples, dinner parties, rugby days, holidays etc

Please come and slap me round the face

< slaaaaaap >

You just miss someone to talk to. Talk to us instead. Your ex sounds like a tool (I remember your threads)

Why not make a list of all the things that are better now he's gone/ horrible things he did, might help you to remember why you got rid of him in the first place?

You miss the married lifestyle and I'm sure there were good bits, there always are. I've told this one before, but I met an old widow a while ago who said even if you divorce them it still leaves a gap. And it does, of course it does. I think the trick is to concentrate on what's good about your life now, and forward to how it can be made better still.

You are still grieving for your loss. It may have been imperfect, but it was still your life.

It takes time - and you have to go through many stages (often returning to one to complete it).

You will come through this.

You miss the company . Not him.

I remember reading your threads - you're better off without him. You worked so hard juggling the children & child care whilst studying then after you found employment too.

Don't forget how it was - do you really want to go back there?

Is it really him you miss, or the comfort from familiarity ? Even a bad situation thats familiar has a certain security within it.

My solicitor had this thing he used to say to his divorcees. Basically it boiled down to it takes time to find how to be 'I' when you've been 'we' for a long time.

Why can't you see other couples, have dinner parties, plan holidays?

Okay, I get that one income is tough but a few days with a relative is a break and change of scene, youth hostels, sun holidays etc. Its a new adventure, new chapter in life.

What are your career goals?

Where would you like to holiday (forgetting practical restrictions)?

First remember what you really want out of life then look at how you can get over the hurdles of achieving it.

My friend's dog recently died. It was old, smelly, peed everywhere, mauled the furniture and she admitted that she wasn't too sorry that he'd finally turned up his toes. Doesn't stop her missing the thing. :)

I get this every now and then too, and my stbxh is an absolute arse! I miss the times when he wasn't, when we had the illusion of perfect family life. Just got to remember it wasn't perfect at all.

I find I miss it most when life is trickiest for me. And, oddly, when I hear that stbxh is having a tricky time. And even more oddly, when stbxh has a go at me or is horrible to our children...think it is about wanting things to be easier and happier again. It will be easier and happier, but not with him!

Aaargh, just typing this is making me nostalgic for the good times... Agree with previous posters it is about grief. You have to grieve to move on, and good to think about what you miss so you can rebuild your life with that in mind. I want good family fun, happy laughing people in my home, cuddles and security...today we had it on our own (just so long as I don't think about finances!)

Keep going. Onwards and upwards.

Thank you all reading this helps so much. It's all so true.

My life is so much better, when I don't have the dcs I come and go as I please, when I'm with them we do so much more than we ever did.
I took them on holiday on my own in the summer to Italy and it was fantastic and I felt far less anxious than I did with Dh.
Financially I am much better off, he used to keep all his money for him, would buy stuff for his hobbies.

I just wish it had worked, wish he'd loved me the way I needed him to, been more respectful.
I guess I'm still grieving

Yes, you are still grieving. Seven months set against how long you were together is a relatively short space of time. Without wishing to be gloomy, you have to think more in terms of years than months. Keep busy and keep having fun in the meantime.

You don't miss tge reality, you feel miss tge hope that'll he would change and how life could be. Be strong, you will get past tgis

I know exactly how you feel.

I have bad days and good days. It's the idea of him I miss. If I'm having a bad day I just try to remember ill have another good one soon.

It's worse when I know he's with ow, leading the single life while I struggle.

I remember reading a quote once which helped me after the end of a relationship;

"I miss you more than I ever loved you"...

I split up with someone in January, still miss him, still have fantasies about him coming back to me. It won't happen and I know if I'd stayed with him I'd be much more unhappy than I am now.

You wouldn't really want to go back would you? Really..?