Mum interrupts EVERY single sentence I ever utter, how do I cope?

[feesh]

My Mum does an 'Uh-huh' or a 'Hmm' (an agreeing sort of noise) halfway through every single sentence which comes out of my mouth so she never, ever listens to the end of a single sentence I say.

It drives me absolutely insane. How do I cope?

Throughout my childhood, she never listened to me, and because of this I am extra sensitive to it now as an adult. I don't think I have ever uttered a single sentence to her without being interrupted.

I call her up on it at least 3 or 4 times a day when I am with her (she is currently staying with me for 12 days) but it has no effect.

I call her up on it when it makes her look stupid (i.e. she makes agreeing noises to something which, in the context of the rest of the sentence that I haven't finished yet, makes no sense at all) and when she is agreeing to something that she clearly knows NOTHING about (i.e. basically implying yes, yes I am already an expert on what you are telling me, there is nothing you can say which I didn't already know about).

It really upsets me that when I am trying to explain something to her about which I know she knows nothing, but I actually have something interesting to say, she just makes all these noises which basically mean 'Yes, I know, I already knew that' as if she can't wait for me to finish talking.

I have also called her up on it outside of a normal conversation, i.e. sat her down and said that it really upsets me when she doesn't listen to me. Nothing ever makes a difference.

I know I can't change her, but I need to change my reaction to her. I just feel depressed being around her. It brings back awful feelings of not being listened to as a child.

The irony is, it made me really insecure about speaking out loud as a teen, and she used to nag me about mumbling and sent me off to elocution lessons as a result!

[lookatmycameltoe]

Both my parents are like this. They are divorced. Strangely both blame the other for being selfish and not being sensitive to the other's needs

EVERY single book my father reads he describes in great detail (maybe over an hour) as if he is the only person who has ever read a book. It may be the most irrelevant subject to me - steam trains, Jack the Ripper or theLondon underground - but I will get it in painstaking detail. I read about 4 books a week myself, I have tried to mention an interesting book I might have read (relevant to him) and I get a dirty look and a quick conversation diversion.

My mother - well there are no words. The conversation only revolves around her. Family life only revolves around her. She only likes which children of mine gush around her on a particular day. If they don't they are rude and have 'strange' personalities. If you tried to describe a meal out you had enjoyed you would get a potted history of all the meals she's ever had instead.

Even my sister said to me recently, I've never even heard how your births have gone (I have 3DC) as every time you try and tell me mum interrupts and describes her births for the millionth time.

I feel your pain.

[feesh]

My blood is fricking boiling now, I have reminded her every single day since she arrived, pleased don't open the back door when the babies are sleeping as it wakes them up. I am upstairs and I've just heard the back door crash open and closed 3 times in a row. I now have 2 screaming babies to deal with who only slept for 30 minutes.

So fucking fed up with it.

Lookatmycameltoe I think we have the same parents. Mine could NOT communicate with each other, they are both as bad as each other. My dad will only talk to me about cars or bikes (on his terms, I am not allowed to raise the subject unless I am seeking his worshipful advice). I even joked that he would make my wedding speech about them......guess what, he did?!

[BillyGoatintheBuff]

Deborah Tannen has written a few really interesting books about this type of subject. Have a google, have a read of some of her stuff (from the library) I fouind it all so so so so useful. Eye opening actually.

[BillyGoatintheBuff]

I found it comforting that I was not alone, after I read her book, I hope it might help you.

[dozeydoris]

and she loves to play this out with her friends too, dropping everything and rushing over to them if they need her
I doubt that her friends really hold her in high esteem, ime many people are a bit dramatic or whatever and if they are friends then you just accept their behavior, also if you do have a 'problem' then it's quite nice to have that confirmed by someone, however dramatically. But usually people see through this type of thing but would never say so.

[RegTheMonkey]

It's one of the most frustrating, annoying things, so I do feel for you OP. My MIL laughs uproariously when I'm telling something on the phone which is actually quite serious - recently the coal man didn't come and we had run out, I told her I was all wrapped up against the cold and that the heating in the bathroom had packed in and we weren't sure how we could afford to get new heating. She goes: "Oh HA HA HA HA! Whoops!" Like I was telling her of some jolly jape. I'm still too polite to her to say 'what, you think my misery is so funny you are splitting your sides?'. I think it may be a nervous laugh, not sure, she's quite highly strung. Anyway back to OP. Nope, you're not going to get through to her now, but dimsum has a good idea about the recording.

[Deathwatchbeetle]

My friend's hubbie goes yeah, yeah all through the conversation even before he knows what he is agreeing with (or not!). Another friend either lets me finish but is flexing her muscles ready to pounce or finishes my conversation for me. Another will ask how I am. I get to the bit about "Well my leg is a bit sore this morning......and she jumps in with what is wrong with her so never really hears much of my conversation. I am always amused when she is on the phone to someone else and tells me what other people have said, thinking to myself, how come she can keep up withthe conversation if she constantly talks over people.

My mum always talks over me and goes off on several tangeants. When I ask if she was listening she admits she wasn't. Then if somene asks her what I said, (say my brother rang about something and knew I was going to ask mum about it), she will panick and just give the first reply she can think of. It is amazing what she says I have said!!!!!

[Quietattheback]

Lookmycameltoe - Are we related? My Dad once spent over an hour telling me about the turning circle of black cabs in relation to every car he'd ever owned - yawn.

Both my parents are like this and I am currently decompressing today after a particularly infuriating, week long visit from them. We were abroad the previous week and it was a fairly eventful trip however, I don't think I managed much more than a 5 minute, brief outline to them although I had to hear about them planting their asparagus tips, countless fecking times they are just not remotely interested.

My mum even managed to plumb a new depth of dismissal. I had mentioned that I had got a load of nice clothes for DD whilst away... that's all I said, nothing more. Later in the week I was upstairs ironing and putting clothes away and my mum was in bed playing on her computer. As I was folding a pair of DS1's jeans that I had got from overseas I absentmindedly said out loud that I wished that I had got a few pairs as they fit him so well and my mum pipes up, "hmm, oh yeah they have lovely clothes over there don't they, the stuff you got for DD is gorgeous isn't it? Really unusual designs!"... Err, well it is nice but unusual? Not so much. She hadn't even seen the stuff, she was just shutting me down in case, heaven forbid, I might ask her to show any interest in anything other than herself.

I don't know about yours OP but both of my parents are utterly horrendous at gift buying and I just recently worked out why. It's because not only do they don't have the first clue about anybody else, their interests, likes or dislikes. You need to pay attention to others in order to be able to get them a thoughtful gift and that is a skill that they simply don't have.

It's hard OP and if you haven't experienced it, it's hard to understand how damaging to your self esteem it can be to feel you have no voice. The only way I can cling on to some sanity is to try not to try (it's difficult because it's a natural thing to want to communicate your life to someone but I always end up feeling like shit if I start a convo and get talked over). Don't engaged and let them prattle on and on and on and on about their own stuff whilst taking my mind elsewhere. They can't change, but you can change how you behave towards them. Have some and and , she'll be gone soon, hang on in there.

[Loopyloulu]

Are you sure it's not reflective listening? The reason I ask is that my adult son asks me to stay quiet- on the phone- when I ho and hum- which to me shows I'm actively engaging with him. To me it's the equivalent of nodding your head when someone is talking. He finds it distracts his train of thought. So I now stay quiet but to me it feels as if he's talking into thin air and not getting feedback. Tricky one. It depends how she does it. If it's really a means of telling you to shut up then you have to speak to her again until she takes it on board. I don't know how if you have done this and it hasn't worked.

[2rebecca]

I'd try the stopping speaking when she interrupts and saying "OK You're not interested" and leave the room.
I'd invite her less often as well as you don't seem to enjoy her company much and she doesn't want to listen to you so it seems pointless seeing as much of each other if it makes you both miserable. You could maybe suggest this to her.

[2rebecca]

that's assuming you're not one of these people who loves giving long monologues and complains if anyone interrupts them but can happily talk for 5 minutes without drawing breath if no-one does. If so try shorter sentences with pauses between them so you can talk to each other not at each other.

[VoiceofRaisin]

Your DM could be my DM! I now deal with it by stopping talking when she begins talking over me, then let her continue until she stops (can be 5 or 10 minutes) at which point I start again with the sentence that was interrupted.

The DC dislike seeing their grandparents because they don't understand why Granny/ Grandpa talks over them (which they do all the time as if the DC aren't real people or something even though they are now adults with very interesting and insightful conversation!!)

[deepfriedsage]

Yes I struggle with monologue communicators too, I am a back and forth conversationist, I have nothing to say after listening to a,monologue person, as I can't remember all the relevant things by the time they finish or I will say a short sentence and be met by another monologue.