Why doesn't dh see it?

[WinkyWinkola]

Just had pil to stay.

They are obsessed with my DVD. They only want to talk about them, play with them, know every detail about them. Whatever. It's actually really boring and even the dcs feel suffocated sometimes.

Anyway, they are just not interested in dh. He follows them round, trying to engage etc but the only thing they are interested in is talking with him about the dcs.

I really feel sorry for him and it makes me cross. Except he just doesn't see I. It makes me cross because I loathe seeing him chasing after them like a panting puppy.

Not my business I guess but I really want to give him a shake.

DVD

Do you mean DC?

It sounds very tiring, and upsetting. How long did they stay for?

If your DH chooses to be blind to his parents' attitude towards him, I guess that's his business, but if it's getting a bit much for the dc perhaps you need to broach the issue with him that way?

Can you not exploit the obsession and get the grandparents to take the kids to see something dire at the cinema? I would pay good money to avoid the Smurfs, for example

Yes I meant dcs!

They don't upset the dcs. It's more lots of eye rolling from the older two. They can handle that. I don't think they're too keen when mil starts to shed a few tears in departure either.

Yes I meant dcs!

They don't upset the dcs. It's more lots of eye rolling from the older two. They can handle that. I don't think they're too keen when mil starts to shed a few tears in departure either though.

It's clear to me that pil love their gcs more than their ds. That they have very little interest beyond the gcs and dh just doesn't seem to compute that.

Shedding tears on departure all sounds a bit weird and oppressive. Are yours their only grandchildren?

Perhaps it's kinder not to say anything to DH - if he really is blissfully ignorant of his parents' weirdness, would it really benefit him to have you draw it to his attention?

It is probably too hurtful for your DH to think about so he doesn't. I have seen similar and I have seen childless aunts and uncles completely overlooked when GC came along i. e. the grandparents' other children. I don't think you should make your DH aware of it, although it doesn't seem like you were anyway. Maybe try to bring up things that your DH has done/achieved subtly in conversation to remind them that their son exists also. I find the whole way some GPs go bananas over GC really odd. Yes of course love them to bits but the OTT obsessiveness is just weird and e en worse when one GC is favoured over others - there was a thread about this yesterday. Just make sure you DH knows how much you l

Oops love and care about him which you clearly do!

I agree with MysterySpots, not seeing it is probably a coping strategy for hurtful behaviour. I wouldn't insist he 'sees' his parents aren't very nice to him.

Oh I do but it's two things. His behaviour is almost pitiful. I want to shake him and tell him to just stop trying. And as for pil, well, they've got very empty lives and refuse to get hobbies so that is that.

And I too find the obsessiveness about gcs bizarre too. And slightly nauseating too.

I asked dh if they were like this about their own dcs when he was little. He said absolutely not.

I won't say anything but I wish he would just stop trying so hard and treat them with a bit of indifference like the dcs do.

I think sometimes GP are trying to compensate for not being terribly good parents by overdoing it with the GC. They seem to forget that they are still parents too. It's ironic that they don't see that it was their son (as well as you!), that produced their wonderful grandchildrenso he must be pretty wonderful himself! I wonder will things change as the GC get older and more challenging as teenagers...

Who asked them to come and stay originally?.

It is very much your business because your whole family is being affected by these awful sounding pair. DCs are probably fed up with their overbearing grandparents and will certainly become more fed up with them as they get older.

I would also say that if they are too difficult for you to deal with then they are certainly too difficult for your DC to have to deal with as well. Not all grandparents are both kind and loving and these two sound mentally unhealthy and cloying.

Your DH seems very much in FOG with regards to his horrid parents - FOG stands for fear, obligation, guilt. He seems to have all three of those damaging legacies from his parents in spades; he seems happy to play the scapegoat for all their inherent ills. I would suggest you read a copy of "Toxic Inlaws" written by Susan Forward.

Also your DH either cannot or equally will not see it. Denial can also be a powerful force here as well as FOG; he may not want to face up to the fact that his parents were actually on many levels severely lacking.

I think they may be trying too hard as they didn't show their dcs how much they loved them and now dh is still trying to get them to notice him.

If dcs are fine with it I'd leave well alone.
Although unusual its not unkown to shed a tear on leaving people but we usually only do it if someone is going abroad who we may not see for years.x

I think mil has nothing else to do.

She never has done so she focuses on the gcs as her sole raisin d'être. I found it creepy and intrusive but I've placed boundaries now and she finally understands she's not their parent.

Dh is crap though. When the real shit was hitting the fan after ds1 was born and mil was being a domineering witch, he did nothing despite my asking him to. I had to put my foot down.

That's raison d'être.

He's obviously still desperately seeking their approval. Are problems with his parents likely to erupt again in the future, or is this just background interference?

Nothing to add to the thread but I love the cut of your spellcheck's jib

Raisin d'être indeed.