Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How am I going to put one foot in front of the other?

25 replies

Dollslikeyouandme · 09/11/2013 08:48

I've a 5 year old ds, my p who I have been with since ds was a baby has been really funny with me the last few days. Giving me the silent treatment and saying he's too tired to see me.

Last night he came out with that I'm too clean and if I want to be clean that's fine, but shouldn't drag him into it.

This is because the house had been a tip for ages, I'm the only one who does anything and had given up. I gave it a really good tidy and clean, and to help me keep on top of it, last weekend, I got p to spend approximately 1 hour spread over 3 days to help me, just drying up after I'd cooked and washed up, quick hand to tidy ds room, and putting some clothes away.

Last night I was lying awake thinking I've had enough if him falling out with me and letting us down, we were supposed to take ds bowling today.

You know when you get almost a sixth sense. I looked at his emails, I never do usually but know the password as we've checked each others just for reservations and stuff. There wasn't much in there, but on his contacts were loads of women who'd appeared, fine, only I know who some of these women are, they're women he's chatted to on dating sites and chat rooms that I thought was all behind him, but suddenly they've reappeared.

I feel sick, I'm sat just numb, ds is watching tv and I can't even face getting up.

I can handle p being a moody arse, and breaking up over that, but why he constantly feels the need to chat to these women I don't know, for all I know he's meeting them.

I don't even know how I'm going to face the day, I'm feeling as though I want to throw all his things out in bin bags and change my number. I can't just change my number as my phone is on contract in his name as it was my birthday present.

I really just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
wontletmesignin · 09/11/2013 09:04

I would pack his bags, givd him thr sim out of the phone and buy a sim card for it.

He sounds like a complete ass.
Let these other women be welcome to his moods.

You will be happier without him by the sounds of things.

So you asked him to help tidy up. What a crime. It certainly isnt something to be moody over. Unless of course he is trying to make sure you never ask him again. In which case...he is an ass

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/11/2013 09:07

I think you need a bit of space to think about all of this. Best way to achieve it is to ask him to go stay somewhere else for a while. He's moody, lying to you about the chat room thing and he's grumbling rather than pitch in at home.... pretty bad behaviour from someone that is supposed to love you. I think some time apart would allow you the chance to think clearly and also give him a taste of the consequences of his actions. Good luck

Dollslikeyouandme · 09/11/2013 09:14

I rarely ask him to do anything, I'm pretty laid back on house stuff, I'm not a slob but would rather relax or go out than spend all the time cleaning. But things were just being left and left so I was just trying to keep on top of things.

He's here 6 nights a week and I never ask him to lift a finger after work, but don't see the problem in asking for a hand over the weekend.

He's denying he's done anything or spoken to anyone, and said how can he be with someone who doesn't trust him.

I just feel hurt and weak, you're with someone all that time yet he's just cold towards me. I know he'll be begging me back in a few days when he's bored, I also know he's probably purposely sabotaging things as he had an estate agent coming to value his house and we were supposed to be moving in together, he sabotages things when we get too close to real commitment. Then says he's made a terrible mistake but we go back to square one.

I just don't know how to face the day, and I'm pissed off that ill have to change my number.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 09/11/2013 09:16

If you can't see him changing...bite the bullet and ask him to go. You'll feel so much better when you've taken control. Yes it will be hard but you'll no longer have the stress of moods, wondering who he's contacting and having to tread on egg shells because you're asking for help. I've walked in your shoes...yes it's hard to break up but the peace and contentment on the other side makes it all worth while.

mammadiggingdeep · 09/11/2013 09:18

Turning it around on you when you ask him about chatting to women is a classic line. When I asked my ex about things I'd found he said "if you think I'm cheating I may as well go and do it"....surprise surprise a few months later I had evidence.

mammadiggingdeep · 09/11/2013 09:21

Sorry....one more thing.

With regards to facing today.

  1. take a deep breath.
  2. up and shower, get dressed
  3. breakfast for you and your lovely ds
  4. get out the house 5)decide where you want to go...bowling still?
  5. ask somebody to join you if you think you'd find it hard just you and ds
  6. don't contact/. Speak to p at all. Have a day just you and your ds.
  7. take the day hour by hour.
killpeppa · 09/11/2013 09:30

oh I got the blame also-
for looking at his phone, well don't cheat on me & leave it beside me
so on top of the cheating which I knew about he had pictures of him and girls, porn, and Hadith about where he was going/ had been.

your better without this idiot. there's someone out there who will love and appriciate you, instead of putting up with some sleazy guy who's talking to other women.

nkf · 09/11/2013 09:33

He's not even your child's father right? Why bother? Ask him to leave.

Anniegetyourgun · 09/11/2013 09:35

I wonder if he's picking faults with you in order to give him an excuse to sleaze around. Not that it matters. The important thing is he thinks it's ok to treat you like dirt until you throw him out, and only be nice until his feet are back under the table. That's only a relationship in the sense that a cat has a relationship with a mouse. Well, are you a woman or a mouse?!

Dollslikeyouandme · 09/11/2013 09:35

He's saying now that he wishes all this hadn't happened and that its because he stopped drinking coffee.

Thank you mammadiggin, I'm so tired too which doesn't help, couldn't sleep at all last night.

We're going to see a show this afternoon which is booked, so that will force me out.

Just feel that if I don't do something definitive ill get complacent and this will all blow over, until next time.

OP posts:
killpeppa · 09/11/2013 09:57

he stopped drinking coffee so he had to chat to other women o. dating sites?

load of bollocks if you ask me

Anniegetyourgun · 09/11/2013 09:59

Candidate for Most Threadbare Excuse of the Week, eh.

nkf · 09/11/2013 10:00

Coffee withdrawal leading to cheating. That has to be the best ever. One step at a time. Make a plan for the next hour.

Dollslikeyouandme · 09/11/2013 10:04

No the coffee is the excuse for me getting the silent treatment for the past three days.

The cheating is all in my head.

OP posts:
killpeppa · 09/11/2013 10:09

oh jeez I'm not even going to say it..

gullable

oops it slipped out

nkf · 09/11/2013 10:10

Okay sorry. Make a plan. Keep it simple. Concentrate on yourself and your son.

wontletmesignin · 09/11/2013 10:14

I would go to the shops and get some heavy duty bin bags. When he next pops out foe an hour or so, gather all of his things in the bags. Put his thigs outside witb a note on top of them with the words "see ya" on top. Keep the door locked with the key in.

He doesnt deserve an explanation as to why you are doing this.

Coffee is the most pathetic excuse ever. Hes an ass. You deserve better

Dollslikeyouandme · 09/11/2013 10:14

Sorry don't take that the wrong way I was trying to be ironic/sarcastic.

I know his excuses are completely absurd

OP posts:
killpeppa · 09/11/2013 10:15

oh sorry OP.
should haven you more credit

ThanksThanks sorry

Hissy · 09/11/2013 21:54

Cocklodger.

There's another word for you.

You may feel gutted now, but love, that will pass.

Keep reading back what he's said/done and you'll not falter.

mammadiggingdeep · 09/11/2013 21:57

Hope you got through the day ok.

Don't let it blow over and be ok. The choice is yours.

Good luck whatever you do

holstenlips · 09/11/2013 23:27

Just sending you a hug if thats allowed. Whats happening? Been there. Its hideous to be blamed for someone being a cheat.

Dollslikeyouandme · 11/11/2013 16:54

Just to update, I am ok and managed to have an ok weekend. Going to leave the thread as I believe it has been read. He knows I use MN to confide in, and despite me having a different username knows now where to look.

Thank you all for your replies.

OP posts:
Hissy · 11/11/2013 18:49

There is a place he can't find. Remember that?

PM any one of us if you need support?

You have a right to use whatever the bloody forum you like.

You could do what these pricks do, you could throw a wobbly at the audacity of him checking up on you and throw him out!

Do it! Take the bugger by surprise and get shot of him!

Best christmas present ever!

FolkGirl · 12/11/2013 07:19

Yeah, splitting up was my fault too.

If I hadn't cleared my history when I'd borrowed my stbxh's laptop (after seeking his permission to use it first) then I wouldn't have found his history of being on sex sites.

And if I had pretended I hadn't seen it rather that contacting him and confronting him about it, then we'd never had had to face up to it.

And if I hadn't kicked him out and let him come to the Halloween party with us and pretended to our friends that everything was fine, rather than attending on my own and telling them we'd separated.

Then we wouldn't have split up.

It was all my fault. Obviously.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page