Decision Made.

[HeartVHead]

It is with much regret that I am going to terminate this pregnancy and I just wanted to thank those of you that have been supportive and commented on my previous threads.

I have thought long and hard and had many conversations with my now X-DP and I really feel I have no other option. I had hoped there would be a way to make it work but the more we talked, the more I realised that he was continuing to say what he thought I wanted to hear and in likelihood, once the novelty of a newborn wore off, he would leave me literally holding the baby.

I feel very sad and alone as I cannot tell anyone in IRL about this as I am so ashamed but whilst I know I could manage in a practical sense, my children (and I) have been through so much in the past that it would be unfair of me to put them through this as well.

It is very difficult because whilst I believe in a woman's right to choose, I never thought I would be in this position and never thought I would need to do this. It goes against my views for myself (I honestly do not judge others). I wish things could be different.

So sorry. :(

Get as much support as you can and talk to your gp or your local family planning clinic if you need counselling, particularly as you feel so conflicted with yourself.

A big hug.

I don;t think anyone takes that decision lightly. Don't feel ashamed of anything. You're doing the right thing for you and your DCs. Hope you're OK.

There is quite a bit of support I can access via the BPAS, Marie Stopes and my work and I will do that if I need to. I am a bit concerned as my next placement is obstetrics and I am not sure I will be in the right frame of mind to be there but I am just going to have to take one day at a time and see.

Thank you so much for being nice to me :)

Take care. x

Take care, OP. Be kind to yourself.

Best wishes op. There's always someone here whatever you want to say. I'm so sorry. X

I really do appreciate these messages, it helps to know I am not completely alone and not everyone thinks I am a heartless bitch.

Heart - you do what you need to do. As long as it is What YOU want, and not just what you think circumstances dictate SHOULD happen.

I am not trying to sway or confuse you and you will get no judgement from me - I just sense such sadness in your posts that I want to stress that you need to do what is right for you - nobody else.

I wish you well

I don't think you are a heartless bitch. You are protecting your children and yourself in very, very, difficult and sad circumstances. I can hear the sadness in your post, OP, you and by the sound of your post you have searched your soul for the right decision. Well done. You might find obstetrics is not terribly fluffy, actually. You'll be fine just look after your self and go easy for a long time to come .

Heart, I took the same decision as you about 14 years ago when I was with an abusive husband and had two babies. I would urge you to be kind to yourself and counsel yourself as you would any of your daughters, family or friends. I was not in a position to have a baby when I had left my abusive exh. I honestly have never reproached myself and believe that the decision I took at that time was the right decision. I truly belive I would not be the mother of two teenagers that I am today if I had taken on another responsibility when I was at my lowest ebb. I believe the pressure would have crushed me.

You have a lot of responsibility already and are under pressure. You can only deal with what you have at the moment. Your partner is not supportive. I feel for you and wish you well. Lots of women have been in your position and you do not seem like the kind of person that would ever label the like of me as a heartless bitch. You have deliberated long and hard and that is commendable. Don't feel that you can't change your mind. I didn't change my mind and am satisfied years later that it was the best decision for me and my children at that time.

Sending you a ((hug)).

There is no need to feel ashamed. It sounds like you're making the least bad decision for yourself and your kids, having been given a very, very limited set of options.

Be kind to yourself.

I think you're being very brave.

Try not to be too harsh on yourself. I had one 25+ years ago when I was completely unable to look after a child...late went on the have one in a good relationship. Ive never felt it was the wrong thing to do. You are not alone.

You have made the right decision for you. That is clear.

:)

Be kind to yourself.