MIL trouble - don't know how to react to this anymore

[LilacWine]

MIL blanks me (and usually DP too) when i tell off DD quite firmly. she did it again today. DD was being really naughty and loud and not showing her granny any respect. so i told her off and MIL didn't really speak to me anymore for the rest of the visit and left without saying goodbye to me. FIL had no problem with me and was as friendly as ever. she's done this loads of times before and it's really getting on my nerves. at one point it got too much for DP and i and we stopped visiting. it was only after SIL had talked to her and made her come to her senses that it all got pleasant again. i don't think she respects our parenting. i am scared of doing something wrong to upset her once again. i was thinking of letting DP and the kids visit his parents on their own for a while as i really don't need this insecurity and stress atm.

Can you or DP talk to her?

Don't do it through SIL.

SIL talked to her without us knowing about it. we think MIL will just deny that anything is wrong when we would talk to her about it.

DP should find out what the feck her problem is.

Talk to her at the time she's doing it, maybe?

mil/fil always are disapproving when i discipline dss its very strange because i know they were very strict - but i think they feel that when they visit i should present the perfect family. I think you should definitely leave your dh to do all visits at your or their house.

my mil does this sort of thing and worse. Then again, my mum is just as bad - openly undermining me with thing s like "oh, let them make a mess if they want" and "they don?t need to thank me, they are just tired/shy/under the weather blah blah" - no. They will stop making a mess and tidy up if I say so, they will learn to be respectful and say thank you when they are given presents etc etc. The ironic thing is that both my mum and mil were quite strict with their own children?s upbringing and yet cannot bear to see me disciplining my kids! I don?t shout at them (in front of nannys at least ), try to stay calm and reasonable, rarely make my kids cry etc and yet made to feel like I am over reacting!!
Totally understand. Send DP on his own with the kids next time and have a break. Not worth talking about it to them if they are anything like my family, just cause more stress and hurt feelings! Still, if you feel you can talk about it ratonally, it is the logical solution.

Maybe it's a grandparent thing - they want the kids to have fun when they are around. Not that you should let them get away with it, just a possible explanation. (They - LT's and LW's MILs.)

edam - I reckon you are right, they just want everyone to have a nice time and no embarrassing awkward moments, desperate for the kids to love it round their houses. Is def the case with my annoying crowd. Drive me mad, but can see why they are as hypocritical and annoying as they are.

thank you for your replies. i had a cry about it to DP last night and he's as fed up of it as i am. he said we're not going over next weekend and that maybe he'd go on his own from now on. i said i'd rather have some 'me time' than have all that stress.