Feel so bad I put him at risk

[theendishere]

I keep going over and over what happened earlier in the week and am falling apart over it.

I'm a single mum living with my nearly 8 year old ds. A few days ago, had a power cut in the evening. Ds had just gone to bed and I had candles and torches on. I wanted to see if others in our block (we live in a ground floor flat) were affected. I told him I was going to look outside and would be back in a few seconds, which I would have been if I'd been able to get back in. The main front door has a keyless remote entry system. I also have a key which I have used in the past. When I tried to get back in in couldn't presumably because of the power cut and the key wouldn't work. So my ds was alone in the flat with candles burning in the next room. I knocked loudly on the front door and luckily a neighbour heard and let me in. I keep going over and over what might have happened if my neighbour hadn't let me in. I thought i'd be back in to ds in seconds as the main front door is only a couple of metres from the door to my flat. i'm usually so protective of him and can't bear that I put him at risk.

Please don't beat yourself up. The fact you're worrying proves you're a decent parent!

Don't waste energy on might've beens, learn from this mistake, move on and never do it again.

You poor thing. It was an honest mistake please don't be so hard on yourself.

Was he upset that you were a long time?

The candles - he is 8, not 2, the risk of him doing something to cause a fire were minimal and he could have left the flat if something had happened.

You are getting yourself in a state over nothing - honestly, cut yourself some slack

Thanks for your kind words :) I just can't believe I was so stupid. I honestly thought I 'd be seconds and hadn't imagined any problems getting back in.
Ds was really scared - it probably was only a few minutes but seemed ages to both of us. He was talking again tonight about how scared he was. Feel so bad that I've let him down. I normally think of every eventuality and protect him so much (maybe too much!)

Chipping - thanks, I know you're right! I was maybe 4-5 minutes at most. Yes he was upset I wasn't straight back

It's a shame he was upset you were so long, but in these situations it's important to take control and not allow it to become a big deal. What's done is done and I have no idea how you reacted to him, but I fear you were probably over apologetic & upset (?), whereas if you had been 'Oh come on DS, it was only a few minutes, I'm here now, no need for such a fuss' they tend to take it better.

You didn't 'let him down' - you got locked out, hardly your fault! It's not as if you left him at home when you went to the pub and pulled an all nighter is it??

You are being far far too hard on yourself. I suspect you have an ex who blamed/blames you for everything that goes wrong in their lives??

The worst did not happen. Your son is safe. Instead of worrying over it, which isnt helping you. Learn from it, which i know you have. But do just that. Nothing else.
Take it as a lesson for the future, and know that a situation like that will never happen again.

Please dont torture yourself over the what ifs. You are not a bad person. This post alone proves that. So please, stop worrying xx

Please don't blame yourself. It was an accident.

If you make it into a huge handwringing drama he will pick up on that and feel more scared than he needs to. Your guilt and his fear are feeding each other. You need to put it in perspective and stop telling your son that it was a huge disaster- it wasn't. It was a mistake, nothing bad happened. Life is full of such occasions. If we dwell on every single one we will go mad.

Thanks so much everyone :)
I did keep calm outwardly with ds, just told him it was only a few minutes everything was ok now. It was just inside that I felt so upset!