intimate touching

[Boltonlass1972]

What do people think about a bloke wanting to touch a woman's anus (outside bit only) during sex?

I think it means he'll try for more than the outside soon enough....

Surely the question is whether the woman wants him to touch it?

Perhaps emphasis should be on "woman" and not "wants". But either way. It's her call.

Who cares what anyone else thinks! This is about the sex between 2 people. Some women like it, some women don't...end of

I agree with previous posters. It has to do with what the woman wants to happen. If she does not like it, full stop, maybe they are incompatible sexually.

Lots of nerve endings there. Can be very nice. It's private and up to the couple.

Er... it's an OK thing to want to do, it's also something he needs to get consent for before going ahead and shoving a finger back there. Like most sex acts really.

If she's happy to try it then sure, go ahead. If not and he's pressing the issue then he's a cunt.

I don't think he needs to get consent beforehand!!! What kind of sex do you have? 'Please may I touch your breasts?' 'May I now move my hand to your inner thigh?' 'I'm intending to caress your labia now, is that ok?' - most sex is physical exploration, and if it goes to a place you're not comfortable with, you just say 'No, don't do that please' and move on. They should stop straight away.

Poop the kind of exchange you describe where one partner explores and the other expresses pleasure or discomfort and person 1 responds appropriately is exactly the meaning of consent in this situation. Nobody's asking for a written contract in advance.

Er, except nouvelle who just said...

it's also something he needs to get consent for before going ahead and shoving a finger back there. Like most sex acts really.

I totally agree with you, but nouvelle is talking about some kind of consent BEFOREHAND which would then inevitably have to be verbal, as there is no physical way to signal it apart from, in her words, 'shoving a finger back there'.

Well, its one of those things that people can feel a bit...funny or embarressed about. I've been with DH for 12 yrs now and we have certainly explored that 'avenue'. As long as you are happy with it then go for it! It (touching externally) can be very erotic, as can more um...... Adventurous (??) acts. Everything should be done with both parties happy and plenty of lube

Hyperbole, poop.

Most people exploring new sexual ground (sorry for ick expression!) with their partner would do so tentatively and gently, watching/listening for their reaction as they did so, whether that reaction was "Oh GOD yes!" or "Mm, interesting, carry on" or "I really don't like that" or "I'm a bit confused and unsure how I feel about this". In my experience as well it is usual on trying something new to say something like "Is this ok for you?" or "Do you like that?" especially if the recipient is quiet or not reacting much or displaying the confused reaction.

It would be rude and disrespectful to just start doing it rather enthusiastically, or transverse a boundary (for example, pushing a finger into the anus without first seeing if your partner is comfortable with you touching the outside) without giving some chance for them to respond and ideally checking verbally if the reaction is not obvious - as, usually, it would be especially if the reaction is positive and it's something they've experienced with previous partners and liked.

It's not technically beforehand but that is what my understanding of seeking consent on this kind of thing is and probably what nouvelle meant.

If I may offer a blokes opinion........it's that fascinating sense of trust that she may enjoy it and encourage more. As more trust (and respect) is generated so more is on the menu. I apologise to those who feel this is perhaps simplistic but does it always have to be complex?

It isn't complex. It's quite simple - try whatever you like, respectfully. If somebody shows that they are uncomfortable in any way, then stop trying that thing and don't push it.

Simple, no?

xmusician - I don't actually understand what you're trying to say

Xmusician is trying to say, you explore with a finger to see if it's acceptable. Next time its a tongue.Then you build up to full anal sex.

He's basically saying he grooms his partners.

Grooming? Seriously don't know where you get that from.
OP agree with others, if you like it do it, if not don't.

The part way he says she may enjoy it and encourage more...
Generate trust so more is on the menu.
His words, not mine.

I realised I didn't answer the OP. If you are comfortable with it, do it.
Have a conversation about it, with your partner obviously.

Does it matter what I think or don't think. It's your body if you want your anus touched during sex fine, if on the other hand you don't then fine too. xxx

So basically it comes down to whether the bloke is an arsehole.

I could have used another word there but in this context it made me smile.