First weekend hand over after separation, is it always going to be this bad?

[MrsWedgeAntilles]

I've just taken DS to the train station to hand him over to exP for the weekend for the first time.
I feel so bad. I just want my wee boy with me, I can't stop crying. All day DS has been asking if I can come away with them this weekend and every time I said I couldn't he wanted to know why. He's only three so I don't want to go into it too deeply with him. I'm never going to slag his dad off to him so there was nothing I could really tell him that would satisfying him so he just kept asking.
It probably doesn't help that DS had an asthma attack during the week and had to spend the night in hospital.He's fully recovered and full of beans but I'm so wobbly.

Does it get any easier?

It does get easier. Can you say "youre very lucky because you get daddy all to yourself to do special daddy things with him and then you'll see me on Sunday. What do you want to do on Sunday evening? Shall we have sausages for tea" etc etc.....deviate away from topic by talking about the nice things and planning what you'll do when he gets back.

He'll soon get used to it and won't ask...I know it's hard. Do you have your own plans this weekend?

Thanks, Mamma, I'm a bit of a wreck at the moment. Its good to know it can be easier.
I've got some things to sort out tonight and then I'm off to my mum's for a bit of home cooking and Sky TV for the rest of the weekend.

IME it does get easier. I'm two years down the road now. It still feels a little sad that it had to be this way at times, but not the gut-wrenching feelings from the early days.

OP I am three years down the line.

The first time weekend I spent away from my DC I was so hysterical that a friend had to come over and drive me to the hospital!!

After just a few months it had got so much easier. After two years I was hassling the ex to have the kids more and was happy to wave them off as I had re established a life of my own.

Please believe me when I tell you this absolutely will get easier. I promise. Try to plan stuff for yourself whilst he is with his dad. Stuff that you really like doing. Treat yourself kindly.

It does get easier as you learn to plan things to do for your weekend - things that would be difficult or impossible with DS around.

Plus, when you are ready to date again there is a certain poetic loveliness about having a sneaky date on the ex's weekend

Have a lovely time at your mums...relax, let YOURmummy look after YOU. Be kind to yourself and recharge your batteries for when your little one gets home
X

My ex and I have 50% shared residency and it was absolute hell to begin with. In hindsight, I wish I had lined up some support because I was completely unprepared for it. My little boy was 3 at the time too. It really does get easier, I promise. Take it easy this weekend and be gentle on yourself You will all get through it.

Thank you so much. I had no idea how awful I'd feel, that hit me totally on the blind side. I thought I'd quite like having time to myself but I was gutted handing him over.
I was totally taken aback by how much rage I felt as well. exP and I were looking at working at a reconciliation and are on a waiting list for Relate. The break up was instigated by his behaviour and when he came on the phone tonight, all chatty and normal I could have slapped his face until it was mince. I feel as much like reconciling with him as I do flying on air.

yet - i think we're about to move to 50/50 and i am absolutely dreading it the DC (4&1) spent most of half term away with H as well and it was the longest i had ever spent apart from them.

I know its only fair but i am genuinely so so sad but as with the weekends - i am hoping it will get easier. I just feel i will miss seeing my DC grow up which is ridiculous but i can't help it. I suppose though, that must be how H feels right now!

Sorry for the hi-jack OP - as you can tell, i totally understand but it does get easier and it is good to get time to recharge. After almost 2 years of a non-sleeping DS, i basically sleep mine away which is just luxury so, in short - its tough but not all bad!

Not at all, Fush, sometimes a wee speedy hi-jack is the best way to get the support you need when you need it and this is what MN does best. I'm feeling quite a lot better reading this and I hope you do too.