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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do I do now?

5 replies

maryparker · 08/11/2013 11:23

My life seems to be falling apart at the moment. Please give me some advice.

My dh/dp of 17 years and I have always had mismatched sex drives. He has been very difficult to deal with lately and he says it is all my doing because he hasn't had enough sex for at least the last 10 years. This is not the first time he has complained and I have always tried to accommodate him but it is never good enough.

We run our own business together and he has also been making things difficult for me there as well. He doesn't like me going in and seeing the staff anymore. He complained that I was making too many mistakes (I wasn't - especially compared to him) and took a lot of my responsibilities away. He said I kept forgetting things and saying I had Alzheimer's.

In the last 6 months we have expanded the business and I have been working very hard. Whilst I was working in one of the shops last week he took our DD to a play date and vented at my friend in front of DD that he had had enough of me, that he wasn't going to let me drag him down to my level, that I don't look after my appearance, that I don't wear make-up and that I should try and dress more appealingly. Some of this may be true, but working flat out for the last 6 months or more has taken it out of me.

My FIL of nearly 90 also lives with us for most of the week and I have to cook, clean and look after him and our 2 dc's as well as everything else.

I am at my wits end. What do I do? Nothing I do is right. I even don't feed the dc's the right food according to him. He's on a diet so he can 'look after his figure' and always turns his nose up at whatever I offer him.

I feel like I have lost my whole identity. I have lost dh, my job and any last bits of confidence that I had. I feel that for my own self-respect I should walk away but I feel so scared.

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 08/11/2013 11:25

:-(
Sounds like the marriage is over
He's belittling you & making you feel like shit
Sounds like he wants out :(

myroomisatip · 08/11/2013 11:30

I have to agree with PP.

I would see CAB and a solicitor and get some information about where you stand. I see it will be complicated because of your business but try not to let it hold you back. You deserve so much more.

FWIW I could have written your post. My (then) DH destroyed my self esteem and my confidence and it took me years to get out but he is now thankfully my Ex.

myroomisatip · 08/11/2013 11:32

I would also book some time for myself, let him take care of the children and his DF and I would invest in some beauty treatments, some new make up and some new clothes :)

hellsbellsmelons · 08/11/2013 11:39

He sounds totally vile and you already know you need to leave the relationship.
He makes you feel like shit! That is enough for you to leave.
A DH is supposed to make you feel loved and cherished.
Don't be surprised if another woman pops up soon.
Sorry he's doing this to you. You need to start detaching now so he doesn't keep knocking your confidence.
I don't wear make up unless it's a big night out. Why should you?
If he loves you he will love you for who you are and not what you look like.
With what you have on your plate right now there's no time for you.
Not sure how you make that time but you definitely need some YOU time!

Clutterbugsmum · 08/11/2013 12:39

You get legal advice about both relationship and business.

Stop doing things for him at home. Tell him to find somewhere else for him and his father to live while you sort out what you want.

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