How do you tell ...

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

... your elderly DM that she's exhibiting a lot of the signs of Alzheimers? DM is mid-seventies, excellent health and very lively. Opinionated, argumentative (could start a fight in an empty room). Has always tended to negativity, suspicion and seeing the bad in everything (this is where we fall out). She's increasingly forgetful and losing stuff ... but blames DF for 'hiding' things. She's convinced the neighbours are creeping into her garden and damaging things .. unlikely, but there has been some acrimony in the past and I can't prove/disprove it. Struggles to find a date on a calendar or enter a password into the computer. Calls me on a Sunday asking if DS has had a good day at school. So not totally ga-ga but worrying nevertheless.

I'm not at all sure how to broach it. My preferred option - direct - is going to get brushed off as 'don't be silly, there's nothing wrong with me'. I can't exactly frog-march her to the surgery. Having the GP pay a house-call (under some false pretence) feels wrong. If there's some treatment, I'd like her to have it. Anyone successfully had this conversation?

Sorry to hear about this. I think it's a tough call simply because she may not have Alz at all and just signs of mental decline which all old people have. My own parents are 10 years older then yours and each is quite forgetful and blames the other for saying or not saying things or doing or not doing things.

I think you need to be pretty sure of a diagnosis ( from a medic) before you go self diagnosing and rush in telling her and worrying her. The likelihood is she knows how she is and is terrified.

I think your father is the best person to talk to her so you need to get him on your side. he could perhaps persuade her to go to the drs but due to patient confidentiality I doubt if a dr would do anything based on your own requests.

Can you and your father work at this together so you somehow break it to her gently that you are worried about her? Maybe the route to go down is that treatment is available and can help if it's started early ( which it can.)

Yes, very conscious that I'm in no position to diagnose anyone or anything. But it does go beyond simple forgetfulness and into some weird areas.... like being unable to divvy up four chops and four potatoes on four plates so that everyone ends up with the same meal. My DF and DM haven't got along for years, unfortunately, so anything he says will be dismissed as 'nastiness'. My DB is about the only one she takes seriously but he's not bothered. I suppose I'll just have to keep my eyes open & pick my moment.

I would advise talking to the gp about it- this happens often and an experienced gp should be able to advise. :-) There are treatments, and starting them early is best. Good luck, I have been dealing with a similar situation with my mum and it is so difficult.

Maybe make an appointment to see your Mum's GP to get some guidance on what, if anything, you might do. Also organisations like Age UK or the Alzheimers Society may be worth a call to get some support for yourself at this stage.

How are you for a Power of Attorney?

I think we are just about getting through to my uncle. No Alzheimers, just stubborn, but I will watch with interest.

Worth a letter to the gp to note your concerns, they might be able to assess when she next sees them anyway, or write and invite her in for a general health check.

We had to stop my father driving by going to the gp behind his back in later life. Not easy at all.

If she doesn't trust your father she really needs to take control over who her advocate, next of kin should be before she declines further. Would she accept you mentioning it if you phrased your advice in those terms?

Alzheimers Soc sounds like a good idea, thanks. Unfortunately, I live at quite a distance so seeing her GP would be difficult. I could have a chat with my own GP on the other hand. Power of Attorney is not something I'd thought about. DM has a lot of money stashed about and DF has no idea whatsoever about finances, bills and so on.

there are lots of different reasons for dementia, a water infection can be one cause, this is easily treated, tbh there are lots of different infections that can be causing these symptoms, it might not be alzheimers, i would make an appointment at the gp for a flu jab or something and day before the appointment i would write a note and ask receptionist to give it to the gp before your dm appointment.

Flu jab is a good idea.

Hi I'm delurking... I've faced a similar situation this year with my Dad who was exhibiting these symptoms. We contacted the GP surgery, explained the issue to the doctor and agreed the most practical and least hurtful way to get DF to see the doc would be for the surgery to contact him 'spontaneously' and say he was due a regular wellness check. DF happily attended. The GP agreed he was showing some dementia symptoms and he was referred to hospital for a scan.
The elderly mental health team then made an appointment for a home visit to discuss the scan results etc with us. They were very direct with DF and explained the diagnosis - he was quite outraged & offended but the team are trained to deal with this and they won him over. His scan showed that not only did he have Alzheimer's but also he'd suffered a mini stroke which was causing a different sort of dementia - vascular dementia - so his diagnosis is quite complex. He agreed to medication and is now on rivastigamine patches - they've made an enormous improvement to his mental capacity. He still thinks there's nothing wrong with him and takes the patches to humour us all, and we go along with it.

I hope this experience might be helpful to you.

If you call the doctors they will just send a gentle letter reminding her to come for a check up,

If it was just forgetfulness or getting the day wrong, I wouldn't be so worried. Hell, I do it myself. But the inability to perform simple, sequential task that she's done her whole life is more worrying. I like the idea of getting her GP to request she comes in for a check-up.