We don't have intimacy any more.

[AugustaCarp]

DH and I have never had an easy sex life. We decided to try harder to have more sex, just before we started TTC, but I got pregnant straight away. I had horrific morning sickness all the way through, and it just didn't happen. DD is now 1, and we've had sex three times since she was born.

We love each other, and fancy each other, but it's like we both find the whole thing massively embarrassing. I know I have issues with intimacy (emotional and physical), but I don't know how to get over it. He must do too. The three times we have had sex we'd been drinking.

I don't know what to do about it, we've talked about it (over email because we couldn't talk about it face to face) and agreed we need to just get on and do it more, but it never comes about.

Since DD, we have almost no intimacy at all. We co-sleep, which doesn't help.

Are we doomed?

You're certainly doomed if you can't even talk about sex face to face. I mean, that's the definition of intimacy isn't it? Sex means dropping inhibitions, going with the flow, being spontaneous etc. Pissed will do it but it's not ideal . Do you set the scene right... relaxation, flirting, 'petting' etc? Or do you jump under the duvet and wait for something to happen?

We don't do anything at the moment. DD kind of prohibits it - she is a pretty unreliable sleeper, so we're always listening out for her to wake up and cry.

A crying baby is an occupational hazard. Don't use it as an excuse to do nothing. I bet you have a baby monitor...

Any ideas for how to approach the issue? How do I get over the cringing? I feel awful even writing that

I think you get over the cringing by not thinking of it as 'approaching the issue' which is fairly clinical terminology. Sex is the expression of an emotion. If you wanted to make yourself cry you'd tell sad stories, watch tear-jerking movies, evoke sad memories and that kind of thing. If you want to feel lust you have to set the scene appropriately.

What turns you on? What turns him on? What attracted you to each other in the first place? What were the circumstances (don't tell me..!) where you first jumped each other's bones? What was the 'OMG I have to have you now!' moment? Where was the most daring place (again, don't tell me) you had sex?

You'll find that, over a nice meal and a glass of wine, that's actually quite a sexy conversation to have....

Great advice from Cogito.

To add though, you don't have to have sex in a bed! Co-sleeping shouldn't necessarily be a barrier!

Thanks all. I'm thinking of buying a self-help book, maybe that can give me some practical tips.