Fucking friend. AIBU?

[goldenleaves]

Name changed. Have posted about my friend who does not put in as much effort as me, over the years.
We've been trying to speak on the phone for about 2 weeks leaving each other messages. She left me a message last night when I was still at work so I tried several times to call her once I was home. It was engaged for hours. She called me this morning and said sorry but she'd had 2 long phone calls last night. When she called this morning I was in the middle of something ( really was) and said I'd call back asap in about 10 minutes. She's already told me she only had 40 mins before she had to go out. I've tried calling her constantly for the last 30 mins and it's engaged. AIBU to think that unless these calls she is making or receiving are a matter of life or death she ought to have not answered her phone to anyone, or cut the calls short because she knew I'd be calling her back? Just so pissed off with her lack of availability and putting everyone else first it seems.

Think you're being a bit unreasonable

If you hang up that's the risk you take that someone will call her

Hmmm. Perhaps you'd be being a bit unreasonable if this was all there was to it - but you give the impression that this is a running sore? My first reaction is that you'd do better to work out what it is that's pissed you off about your friend over the years, and articulate it to yourself clearly to work out exactly why you're resentful at your friend over the longer term, rather than reacting to what's happened over the last couple of weeks? Sorry if this doesn't sound right; that's just my swift take on what you've said. Hope you manage to get some clarity on this. I hate it when my friends make me uncomfortable or resentful. x

Based on your OP, I do think YABU. She called you when it was convinenet for her. It wasn't convinenet for you so you arranged to call her back.
That doesn't mean she shouldn't answer the phone to anyone else. What if something had come up at your end and you didn't get chance to call her back, she'd just be sat there waiting.

Just text her and say, are you free at 6pm for a catch up. Then you can both make sure you're free and not distracted.

Based only on what you've said there, you sound unreasonable, sorry. It's not like you're leaving loads of messages and she never calls back. Why can't the two of you agree a time via text to talk? You can't complain if you haven't made a firm plan. Especially when it would take one text "this us crazy, keep missing each other - can we both keep free at 8pm tonight? I'll call you on the hour!"

YABU. I presume her previous behaviour is colouring how you're seeing this?

You both sound as bad as each other and need to set a definite date and see each other, forget all the phone calls back and forth!

This is why people use text/email/facebook messaging etc.

You sound like a teenager!

Of course YABU unless there is more behind all this.

YABU. Is she supposed to put her life on hold waiting for you? You might not have phoned and she would have wasted her time or she might have things she needs to get done before she goes out.

Just send a text or email and have done with it. Far quicker and easier. You don't have to catch somebody at a good moment that way. They can answer when they have a moment.