Just a moan about having a boyfriend

[bourneville]

This week i haven't seen boyf at all, my choice, reasons irrelevant.

But it's made me realise what hard work having a boyf is!! Here are the reasons:

1. when he comes over it normally means a late night (late for me anyway, some time past midnight). (His body clock is diff from mine as he usually starts work midday ish & so is always up later). cue grumpier than normal morning (esp as he stays in bed snoring ). It would be nice to feel able to have a late night to myself sometimes iykwim but i tend to try & get early nights the rest of the time so i have the energy to stay up with him without falling asleep.

2. He's only over about twice a week, but it makes me feel so restricted in terms of doing stuff for myself & with other friends, because i simply haven't got the energy for it all.

3. He has a busy life so he's pretty much in control of when he comes & can only tell me week by week so i can't really plan the rest of my life ahead very easily.

4. Nearly all the babysitting i feel comfortable asking friends & family for goes on him - usually nights out with friends as opposed to time for the 2 of us. When do i get to do my own stufF???

5. It's hard to plan time for the two of us because it involves arranging a babysitter & boyf can't always commit in advance to a date (he does try though).

We made new year's resolutions that just haven't worked out so far this year . We re-made them a week ago & here they are:

1. To arrange MORE babysitting for the 2 of us to spend time together without dd.

2. For me to take control a bit more, in terms of when i want him to come over/what i want us to do, and also in terms of what i want to do without him. (the latter being worrying because it could easily mean we see less of each other due to the nature of his busy life, hence the reason i wait to find out when he can come over).

3. To make the most of when he is here as opposed to just doing the same thing every time as it can get boring/tedious esp if we haven't been out for a while.

4. To organise an overnight babysit (my parents) from time to time so i can go & stay at his for a change, and have a lie in together which we both really miss.

Thing is, i'm beginning to wonder if all of the above is just far too much hard work (for me) and if i can actually keep it up! And also it makes it harder for me to think of myself as a mum & my life with dd as a family. It's like i'm trying to live 2 lives & i can't quite fully live either. Thing is, as a single mum, that's just the thing about having a relationship, isn't it? It would be a silly reason to end it cos i may as well then just stay single the rest of my life.

Don't know what i want from you lot really, no advice needed as resolutions & intentions are all there, just wanted a moan!
Perhaps some shared experiences would be good & how other single parents managed relationships.

omg didn't realise how long that was sorry!

Are you sure he is right for you? Sounds a bit selfish. You and DD come as a package and he should be prepared to do things together with you both not just wat til she's in bed or get a babysitter

oh dear, i've obv given completely the wrong idea

He does spend lots of time with us dd included, the point is we don't get enough time just the two of us, we need more of that as well as continue spending time with dd & time just at mine of an evening. (he suggested once a month though that was pref overnight, which i said i simply can't ask my parents to do, but that each month we will plan a few things to do together. It's because the last couple of months we've done nothing other than stay at mine.)

He is far from selfish, he has given so much to the relationship & to me & dd too, i have been unable to give as much back in terms of sharing in his life. I could have done more than i have the past 6 months, just got complacent.

how old is your dd?
no advice really, just that I think that it can be very hard to spend any quality time on your own with a boyfriend when you've got kids anyway.

I live with my dp (although he's moving out in 3 weeks to go back home, being made homeless in 3 weeks, long story!) and my dd and ds. He also has 2 dd's. He also works five nights a week and I NEVER get to spend any decent quality time with him without the kids, as he's either asleep or at work and he's always knackered on his days off.

on his days off I sacrifice my social life to spend time with him, but I make other plans to see my friends at different times.

Think you both either have to accept your situation and find ways to make it more bearable for all off you or you cut your losses and move on.

do you love him?

oh yes absolutely love him. We both want a future together, perhaps a child of our own etc. Just not ready for that yet! When we are ready, i imagine it'll all come together nicely. we have admitted that sometimes it feels as if we hang on as best we can because we know that future is there & we do want to be together, even though things aren't perfect right now.
Everything else in the relationship is fine.

sheepgomeep our relationship wouldn't have survived the scenario you describe i don't think! Are you actually separating or he just has to move back home?

no we're not seperating as such, maybe just having some space, it has been enforced on us really, because he's living with me in my ex's house. We've just sold it and I have to go into bed and breakfast for the time being. He can't afford to privately rent as he dosen't earn enough and even with my money we can't quite do it either, so he's moving back home. Hopefully we will save some money and then review where we are in six months time.

saying that though we have been having some problems lately so maybe the break will do us good