Mimicking

[wontletmesignin]

this is about my emotional abusive partner who suffers from ptsd.

he always spoke about how he was convinced he would be a fantastic actor. he would often (in his good moods), be practicing acting skills on me, and then wanting me to jump for joy, telling him how brilliant he was at it.
he told me how he would copy people's behaviors in order to fit into situations.

but the last few years of the relationship - he claimed i mimicked him.
i couldn't stand in any position without him stating that he stood like that, and i was mimicking him. i couldn't say a certain phrase like 'awesome' as he always said that, and so i must be mimicking.
he told me how his cousin used to mimic him all of the time, and his cousin would always deny it, he says.
i mentioned that there was a pattern emerging, of where he felt everybody copied him. that perhaps he should look at himself...
he wouldn't accept that - he was right. we were all copying him.

he claimed that it must be because people are in awe of how good he is. he must have a personality people really like, and so they feel the need to 'mimic' him and his behavior.

he did, however, at times, catch himself copying my stances, the way i spoke and certain words/phrases i used. only when i mentioned it, and it was undeniably true.
although, after he had copied that - when he repeated it a week later, it was then his own - i never, ever done that before. even though we had spoke about it in the past (i hope that makes sense)

so, i couldn't speak without being accused of copying his tone, words, phrases, remarks etc.
i couldn't stand without being accused of standing in 'his' position, stance, or posture etc.
i couldn't make a suggestion without him at some point being the one who suggested it.
i couldn't ask a question without him claiming that he was the first one to ask that question

even when i chose to ignore everything, sit with no body movement, not speak, nor suggest anything - he could still find a way to claim that i was mimicking his personality.

in arguements - he says that i mimic him as i have no personality of my own.

i would just like to hear other peoples views on this - what actually is the case with this, and how it may define somebodies personality

Hello OP, you mentioned that your partner is emotionally abusive. This sounds to me as if it could be another way to upset you?

Mimicking behaviours is something a lot of people (me included) do naturally. From my experience with an EA relationship, he used to convince me that I was worthless, unpopular and so on. Your P is telling you you have 'no personality' because it upsets you and it's a great way for him to abuse you.

yeah, it probably was a way to upset me.

it was just to the lengths he actually went with his accusations. they were unreal.
i would even tell him during being accused.
i admit to mimicking, myself, as you say, it is a normal part of humans.
on occasions, i more than likely did mirror him in one way or another.

again though - the result of it all was me questioning my own sanity. so, therefore, he got what he wanted.

do they 'really' know what they are doing? is it 'really' all intentional?

he always stated that i had a game plan, regarding our relationship.
now, this very well could actually have been a form of projection, in which he was the one who had the game plan...the abuse? am i right that, that may have been a possibility?

abusers often project onto others their own behaviour. From what you've described though I immediately thought NPD - narcissistic personality disorder. Lots of people think their abusive ex may have NPD (myself included when I first read about it!) but probably mine was just a twat. The thing that stands out though is the bit where yours claims his personality is so special others must copy it. Does any of this sound familiar to you?

There's no cure for personality disorders, so the best advice I've been given is to employ some self protection and avoid the person as much as possible when their behaviours are negatively impacting on you. Sorry you've been through the mill - I would honestly stop asking whether he knows what he's doing or not though, and ask yourself, do you care? Isn't the end result the same? And how can you protect yourself from this in the future?

Surely there a limited numbers of ways that you can stand, move and sit and even our vocabularies are limited so we may always say something someone has already said?

I can't imagine what its like to live with this and would question why you still are?

Yes it's intentional. Bullies don't need a rational reason to pick a fight. Any imaginary offence will do... mimicking, tone of voice, 'looking at me in a funny way'. It keeps you on the back foot, nervous and confused, watching what you say... job done, you're nicely under control. To me this sounds not just emotionally abusive but positively unhinged.

Didn't you also say he was coming off the weed? In which case if he was a heavy user he might suffer with paranoia?

I wouldn't put too much energy into trying to analyse him now anyway...you have a life to get on with. :)

i am no longer with this person. we broke up on monday. which resulted in a different situation. i have posted lots recently about our relationship breakdown, and his personality.

he claimed he had ptsd, he was actually diagnosed with ptsd.
but as he also claimed he was a very good actor. it really makes me question the ptsd.

i have been trying to figure things out about his behaviors for a long time. it dawned on me a couple of years back, that this seems to be a little bit more than ptsd. i guess, now that we are over - i am free to talk about all of this now, without it being confined to my four walls, and so took the opportunity to see what others thought.

i had told him a few years ago, that he seems to have a lot of symptoms of NPD. i was adamant he had it - still am convinced. but still feel there is more.

on the monday when we broke up - he claimed that he had made all of the abuse story up, in order to cope with me.
but, i also understand that if he really had been through what he claimed he had, then he would deny it if he felt that i was a threat to him. meaning, worrying that i would blab about what he had told me.
so that could explain that. orrrrrrrrrrrrr....he may have been telling me the truth - he was in fact lying about it, because his narcissistic side of him thought it would be fun.

my friend was in heart failure, and sadly passed away. he then claimed when he was younger, he had a heart defect.
i mentioned it to his dm, and she said he didn't.

i am on my way to look at that link you have just given me, choco. thanx :)

yes, this all happened during the weed smoking also.

you are right though, why am i wasting my time trying to suss him out.
i am telling myself it is for court, but i don't think i need to figure out any more. i think what i have told them is more than enough to show that he is far too unstable and unfit to be a lone father, possibly even too unfit for more than a one night visit.

Won't....no advice to add except congratulations for getting your freedom from this man. Enjoy finding yourself again and discovering how good life can be.

for you x

i shall let you in on the other side of my mind, which is happy...

myself and my kids are sooo much happier already. although, it is day 3 and i am still struggling to eat. not because of him, because of the stress he put me through with my ds. and ED (pretendthatsnotnegative)
my dd is smiling again, and coming to chat with me.
my 5 year old seemed ok during my time with ex, but he is so happy now. keeps telling me he loves me and can always count on me!
my LO is back :) happy and content.
they have all been getting on great!
i am feeling more housey. i want to do more in the house now.
i have struggled with the washing for years.
i am almost through it now!
my 9 yr old is coping incredibly well considering he got on well with ex. he has been very brave, and understanding, and is also seeing how the mood has lifted from the house now :)

although i have had issues with my parents in the past not so long ago - they are being extremely supportive through all of this. so it is bringing me closer.
i went to see a friend today, so im opening doors back up.

things, can and will only get better :)

thank you mamma :)

I think having a diagnosed disorder and being an abusive knob can be mutually exclusive. i.e. one doesn't necessarily cause or excuse the other.

Are you still together or has he moved out now? Sorry your OP is not clear.

This is ringing massive NPD alarm bells for me too... obviously I am NOT a doctor or anything like that and can't diagnose but I really think you'd gain a lot from looking at some of the NPD threads/sites. There was an old one with a misspelled title "Narsissistic Personality Disorder" - if you search for that it will come up.

Actually, don't try to figure him out too much for court. Knowing too much about it will make it far easier for him to play innocent and paint you as crazy/bitter, especially if you start saying "Well I know he is doing X because people like him always do X, I read it on the internet" (not saying you would word it exactly like that!)

Oh yes :) They can indeed only get better :)

Sorry about xposts. My internet was broken earlier.

that has been my main diagnosis for him for a long time now. it is good to hear others thinking the same thing.
i am no longer with him. i ended the relationship on monday, as he was turning on my dc.

i am going to search that thread now, thank you :) xx

you are right. i am sure his therapist has a lot more on him than ptsd - even if he has gone in and lied - they are trained to pick up on these things. he has probably given away signs without even knowing.
hopefully the SS pull out his files. the police took details of his therapist.

Thread was from about 2009. It changed my life. I don't think XP has NPD any more - he probably has a very mild form/similarities but not the full blown thing. Or I've forgotten what he was like, it being 4 years ago now. He lost interest in DS very quickly, started to drop contact 3-6 months later, had almost totally stopped seeing him by 1 year and only saw him once or twice after that.

Well done OP, I'm glad you're out.

So pleased that you are free and happy, for your new happy homex

I'm glad you're out too. Look after yourself and your children.