Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

am i been unreasonable?

5 replies

oliverCHISHOLM10 · 06/11/2013 14:27

I am on my second marriage,have 2 girls from previous relationship and have 3 yr old boy with my now husband.its hard to explain,things started changing really when we married,4 years tomorrow.we practically did everything together then I got pregnant,my life stopped and he just carried on his social life and drinking forgetting his responsibilities,left me holding tbe baby!sometimes he would disappear for the night with no contact,come home the next day and expect to sleep it off leaving me upset and frustrated,always said it woulnt happen again but it did.for example our first new years eve together,I was shattered with a 2 month he dissapeared to a party,another weekend he went to his mates for 3 days,promised me he was coming home but didn't,went on a bender last xmas eve and didn't come home,was home alone xmas eve with kids asking questions tryiny to understand why I had been abandonned again.lost count of the sleepless nights on my own.we moved house bout 15 miles away for fresh start but after few months its started again.he drinks almost every night now,he got new work mates and started seeing them drinking not involvin me.I never have energy for late nights,little boy still wakes most nights.the way he acts is like someone single and no responibilties.he tells me he loves me to bits but why should I have to put up with his weekly drinking sesions with mates leaving him drunk and in a heap.am feeling tired,lonely and no one to talk to.

OP posts:
NeedlesCuties · 06/11/2013 14:51

YANBU.

What was your experience like when your older girls were babies? Did your previous DH piss about like that?

To be honest, I wouldn't put up with that drunken might-as-well-be-single behaviour from my DH ever ever. Put kids in the mix and he'd be out on his arse. What role model is that? What bond is he having with his child?

If your son is 3 years old then he's bound to notice if his dad isn't in his life. What do you do together as a family? Outings? Quality father/son time?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/11/2013 16:08

YANBU. He says he loves you but he's not exactly showing it. Seems to love alcohol a whole lot more. Don't put up with the false promises but give him some tough choices instead. Family or boozing.... zero tolerance.

Andy1964 · 06/11/2013 16:21

? Not for me personally, the out with mates, drinking lark. Id rather go out to dinner.

IMO, he is showing you and the family no respect. Time he shaped up or shipped out.
If I were one of his mates I'd be telling him where he should be rather than out drinking

hellsbellsmelons · 06/11/2013 16:33

Time for the packed bag to be waiting on the door step, me thinks.
His words mean nothing. His actions show exactly what he really thinks about you and his family.
What do you get out of this relationship now? Other than heartache and frustration?
Kick him to the curb and see if he steps up. If not then you know you made the right decision anyway.

I am assuming he is an alcoholic - you can contact Al Anon as they help people like you and your family struggling to live with an alcoholic.

Just remember;
You didn't cause it
You cannot control it
You cannot cure it

Only he can do that. It's time for him to wake up and realise his responsibilities. He may not but you never know.
But 'loss' is the only thing you have now! He needs to understand loss and you need to follow through.

TrueToYou · 06/11/2013 16:33

I could have written most of your OP.
I'm now single, thankfully, with two exPs Confused

I don't have any nuggets of wisdom, but I think change has to come, or there will only ever be the option of LTB.

You deserve more.
Your kids deserve more.
Don't allow your children to grow up thinking this is the role of a father, so they go on to repeat it in their own lives.

Take care of yourself

New posts on this thread. Refresh page