My brother is addicted to gambling and has started stealing!

[Gamblerssis]

Sorry it's long. We found out yesterday my brother is a gambling addict. In 2009 I saw his statement and there were lots of payments to betting businesses like £10 here and there each time. Lots of them. He said he would stop, we believed him and didn't think much of it especially as he was only 17 and living off pocket money as he was still studying.

Yesterday, the mortgage company called my dad as his direct debit failed. He then checked his account. My brother used his card to pay over £7,000 to the likes of ladbrokes, coral, Jennings etc. In one day alone, he spent £4,400 at these shops. This is all over 45 days or so. Dad had given him his pin sometime in September to help him make a cash withdrawal.

When he was in university, the whole family paid his fees and accommodation as we didn't want him to take student loans and start off with so much debt. He's a much younger brother with 15 years between him and the next older sibling. Yesterday, he said he still took the student loans anyway and used the money to bet.

In university, he was always needing to pay for one thing or the other. Utility bills not included in accommodation costs etc. Now it all makes sense.

Naturally, everyone is upset and we all wonder how we did not know. No one in our family has ever known any gamblers and we don't gamble save for playing the lottery occassionally except him of course. Hence we did not see the signs. He says he is sorry, I don't believe him. I asked to see his own bank statements he refused. However he has agreed to go to GamblersAnonymous this week.

I've read so much online since yesterday and it seems like it can be a lifelong addiction. I think the only way to help him might be to report to the police. My dad doesn't want to. Is it possible to report to give him a "reality shock" and then withdraw the case so he doesn't get a criminal record?

If anyone has any ideas that could help, please let me know.

Would you really not trust your own child with your pin?

Absolutely not. Not that I wouldn't trust them with my money, but there's no such thing as a secret you've shared. Once you've told someone else, you're relying on them not telling a third person, and so on.

You know you can attend the meetings yourself with him. Some have a GamAnon meetings along side, which means that you can talk to the supporters (family/partners). It may be benefitical for you and your family to speak to someone in the same position. Because there are people who have suffered from the shock that your family is going through.

My OH goes to GA. And you and your family have done nothing wrong. He is an addict alike any other. But sadly he is the only one who can do the work and help himself. It is hard to see him ruin himself but all you can do is support me

Message me if you want to ask me anything/bitch

You can not take the lead or supervisory role in someones else's recovery. Recovery is a journey that requires commitment, if your brother can't commit to a 1 hour bus journey then the likelihood of there being any real or lasting change is very slim.

I know you and your family mean well but your past and current behaviours have enabled him to continue his recklessness. Its hard trusting someone who has lied, cheated and stolen form his family over an extended period to be responsible but if he doesn't demonstrate (actions speak louder) a desire to change then his contriteness will be short lived.

Its time your brother grew up.

I think you (and your parents) might also need help from Gamcare or similar: I wouldn't even consider checking my DB's bank account and this was never discussed, even when he was stealing from family.

He needs to somehow take responsibility for his own life, which will probably need all of you to take a step back. Any money given is just keeping him away from rock bottom and deciding to change his own life.

Some addicts prefer people to take control of their finances. Especially in the early days. It is a good sign that they are coming to terms with the fact that they are useless with money and have no control over it. Putting barriers in place makes it difficult for them to have a bet. Because in today's society it's so easy (gambling is everywhere with little/no restrictions).

Fernando, my son who is just 20 is very much into gambling. He never allowed us to get involved in his things. The situation was getting worsened as days passed. He was not happy to be with us. I divorced my first husband three years before and Fernando took that as a chance for getting himself into this stupid things. He was misusing this situation for his desires. Whenever I questioned my son he always said my divorce as a reason for disobedience and addiction. Though that was one of the reasons for he being like this, the actual thing was, he found pleasure in gambling more than anything. He wanted to be isolated from everything other than gambling. Break up with his girlfriend also led to addiction in one sense. He felt isolated and gambling was the only thing that could fill the empty space of his life.

I wanted my son to be back from all his situation. I wanted to make him feel that he is not alone and he got a long way to go in life. For this, he must first come out of the addiction to which his life is caught with.

All I did was, I started doing research on addiction and related topics. This was just to share with him and make him feel how much he is into it. Some of the research I made included :
www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-the-brain-gets-addicted-to-gambling/
www.medicinenet.com/gambling_addiction/article.htm
www.canadadrugrehab.ca/Gambling-Addiction-Treatment.html
www.ncpgambling.org/
www.moneytalksnews.com/8-signs-youre-addicted-to-gambling-and-5-tips-to-stop/
These are few of the research related information that I gathered while my research. My conclusion from the study was, it was better to take my son for a treatment before getting things to be worsened. I convinced my son that he could overcome his addiction by forwarding these research information that I made.
He is under a treatment now in Canada Drug Rehab in Toronto

You see the problem with addictions is they are addictive. By protecting him you up the stakes for next time. Now you are wise to it the next victim is likely to be work related. So instead of a small slap now with no time served next time it will probably be prison time.

Your family totally enable this behavior. But the time will come when it's out of your hands. Honestly it's better to wise up now.

Talk to the bank they maybe able to put restrictions in place.

Old thread.