Can't get ex husband out of my mind

[malinaaa]

I posted a thread here a week ago and got some very helpful advice

I got divorced quite recently. I stopped living with my husband late last year but only got officially divorced in March, so it is still quite recent. Before that, I was with him since we were both teenagers. I'm going to be 31 in a few weeks and he has just been such a huge part of my adult life so far.

I am okay coping without him, I miss him quite a lot but I'm happy with my decision. The problem is that I can't stop thinking or talking about him. I recently had a date with a very nice man and saw him again today. I was starting to tell him a funny story and started by saying "Once my husband and I...". He was taken back and I felt really bad. Then I thought about it and realised that I do this a lot! I am always talking about my ex and usually still refer to him as my husband. Mostly because all my stories and memories involve him.

It's also quite strange for me to do things alone now and I feel lonely quite a lot. I do like having an independent life, I haven't really experienced it before, but it's so strange!

Is this normal? How long does it take to get used to being alone?

Of course this is normal - he was a huge part of your life. It's impossible to tell someone about yourself and things you've done and experienced without talking about him. Just try and check yourself if you find your doing it a lot and try not to make someone new feel like they're being compared with him. It will get easier, and less frequent as you build new memories and experiences.

it took me over 2 years to stop calling my exH my H

it will happen - you need to practice it :D

Completely normal. You do grieve the end of a relationship, in different little ways. Its hard to go from being a couple to being 'sole', especially when much of your adult life was spent with that person. I love my DP to bits, but still on occasion my mind wanders to my ex husband when a song or event reminds me of him. I was on my own for a few years after divorce and before meeting DP. You do get used to it as you settle more into your new life.

Dead normal. My exH left nearly 20 years ago and, even now, I have to check myself when I'm referring to an event from my past in which he features. I usually fall back on a euphemism like 'someone I used to know'. My 'sensitivity of a house-brick' DM has no such qualms however :) Manages to lob my ex's name into the conversation hand-grenade-like when I least expect it. Silly woman.