How the hell can I signal that I like him without embarrassing us both?

[FlirtingFail]

I like a guy at work. I REALLY like him. He is single. I am single.

I have a very 'professional' work persona and am hopeless at flirtation. He is quite quiet, and due to my massive crush I feel a bit shy around him too. (Not at all normal for me.)

How on earth can I subtly signal to him that I like him, without putting him in an embarrassing position if he is not interested? I think he might like me too, but I can't be sure, and don't trust my judgement in any case.

I just don't know how to do this kind of thing at all. PLEASE HELP!!!

In my office of 150 or do, there are at least 10 couples that I know of, probably more that I don't. About half met at work.

I suppose as we spend most of our working lives at work it's to be expected that people generally meet their other half in the workplace. Plus, you get to see the real them (swearing, tired, bored, etc...) not the 'shop front display' version you get down the pub/club.

first flush of love...

I worked with my DH. In fact he interviewed me

We've now been together nearly 6 years, one DD and another on the way.

And I still fancy the pants off him as much as I did then

Forearm wtf?

If he doesn't think smack, he'll think arm wrestle or tattoo...

I know about the forearm thing. I've read Memoirs of a Geisha...

Also fiddling with your necklace, as if you're trying to hide the blush of sexual excitement there.

Memoirs of a Geisha was SHITE pervy, voyeuristic, exploitative, orientalist nonsense.

Mineko Iwasaki sued Golden for reasons you can google.

If anyone's interested in the genuine life of a geisha they should read Iwasaki's own autobiography 'Geisha of Gion'.

Thanks for the tips and encouragement - I'll keep you posted!

xpost with OP.

Normally I'd suggest increased eye contact as you've mentioned, sharing jokes, taking time to talk to him during the week etc. If you were both flirty types it would be easy to increase that at work.

But to be honest, how you describe yourselves - thoroughly professional - you could be doing that for ages & get nowhere...

So it might be simpler just to take courage and ask him to have a coffee, or get chatting about something outside work like films, art etc that leads naturally to the suggestion of doing something together...

sorry, i wouldn't do the arm thing unless you can pull it off without being weird. and if i saw someone doing that i'd think you'd been bitten by an insect or something. why else would you do that???

i would make more effort to make small talk at the coffee machine. that sort of thing. if you find out that you have something in common suggest doing it together.i think you have to take things slowly and naturally.

and yep, the whole office will prob know.

It is never embarrassing to be liked by someone, even if one doesn't fancy them back, one is still pleased and flattered. I have approached a few guys with this in mind, over the years. None seemed displeased or embarrassed by being fancied!

screw the arm thing then

just wear a low cut top, sit opposite and and squash your titis together

works every time

there is also the sharon stone no knicker leg cross, but that might be a step too far????

Please explain the arm thing. Do you scratch you head to expose the inner forearm?

All it takes is a sweet smile (or 3)

I met DH at work. I waited until we all went out for drinks so his guard was down and then used dutch courage to corner him into going out with me. I don't suggest you do this but DH was the kind of bloke that needed a rocket placing up his arse to do anything. He was 26 and had never had a proper relationship despite being good looking. All the lower forearm waving in the world was not going to do the job.

An exposed wrist and inner forearm is a very powerful non verbal signal. It works on a deep subconscious level. Far more subtle than lip licking, hair twiddling and cleavage squeezing. It is akin to exposing the side of your neck. It really works.

What a load of bollocks.

This is my favourite thread of the day
What about just asking him out for a drink on a Friday?

Ooh, office crush!

Mildly chatty email, see if anything flirty develops?

Can you not just get drunk at the Christmas party like everyone else does?

surely the wrist thing works only if you have beautiful/delicate arms, otherwise - nonsense! It also wouldn't work on some men if they are not into subtleties, neither on those distracted types .
Best to ask him out, OP, and then have a lot of eye contact and smiling - but smile at him not just when you are telling a joke but while sipping your coffee and saying nothing. Plus questions regarding his weekends.

George Eliot knew about the arm thing. From The Mill on the Floss:

"Stephen was mute; he was incapable of putting a sentence together, and Maggie bent her arm a little upward toward the large half-opened rose that had attracted her. Who has not felt the beauty of a woman’s arm? The unspeakable suggestions of tenderness that lie in the dimpled elbow, and all the varied gently lessening curves, down to the delicate wrist, with its tiniest, almost imperceptible nicks in the firm softness. A woman’s arm touched the soul of a great sculptor two thousand years ago, so that he wrought an image of it for the Parthenon which moves us still as it clasps lovingly the timeworn marble of a headless trunk. Maggie’s was such an arm as that, and it had the warm tints of life.
A mad impulse seized on Stephen; he darted toward the arm, and showered kisses on it, clasping the wrist."

What followed didn't go well, though.

To be honest, I'd say that most of us men are more interested in women's bums nowadays than their forearms.

really? bums?

Big or small ones?

Look, the op's brief was how to signal interest without embarassment. She states she is 'risk aversive'. So my solution is elegant:subtle yet powerful.