How do I build my self confidence with this man!

[rainbowfeet]

Not sure if I'm going to put this in the right way or just ramble!! Please be gentle... Background... I'm separated 2 dc's a couple of relationships since marriage ended not too successful.. Other than poor taste in men I think my self confidence has a negative effect on relationships. I tend to always feel like I'm punching above my weight & he is going to leave me for someone slim, younger & more interesting. This probably sub-consciously makes me come across as dull, needy & a bit suffocating. ??? Does it ???
Current man is nice, keen to take things slow (which is fine)! In my opinion he is gorgeous but maybe not classically so he's a large chap. Not a buff Tanned Adonis but I still feel so inadequate when I'm with him. He is not forthcoming with compliments & affection maybe this is why I just feel like a stop gap until he meets someone else.
I'm not a huge ugly ogre.. (I hope) I am a couple of stone overweight but I try to have my hair nice & wear nice clothes.
How do I stop repeating this down on myself behaviour & not ruin this new relationship?
Is there a mantra I should be saying to myself? Mutual friends say to me not to be silly & he does like me... His ex gf was a big girl when they were together although now lost weight!
God I sound like a teenager not a 30 something woman.
Help anyone

Sorry it's a long crap post but just wondered if anyone else out there is like me!!

I suppose it's easy for me to say take it one day at a time, live in the present and enjoy your time with him. Also, enjoy your time when he is not there, enjoy your DC, and do not make him the centre of your life and thoughts.

But I'm saying it anyway

You're correct that your self-confidence is low and that means you are somewhere between frightened they'll drop you and grateful they tolerate you. This is not a recipe for a good relationship because you'll always be compromising in order to keep hold of someone. If you need compliments and affection, that's valid. If someone finds that needy and suffocating, they're not right for you.

I agree with the above to a point. Definitely carry on being your own person rather than your life revolving around someone else. More than that, however, I'd also say to stop think in terms of 'ruining the relationship' and give yourself permission to dump a few of these blokes. Any man that made me feel inadequate would be given the heave-ho. I wouldn't be blaming myself.

Cog... Wise words as always. Thank you.

Your first paragraph really hit home, wish there was a switch in my head that I could look at him & think wow you're very lucky to have me aren't you!!! (Instead of the other way round)

He is lucky to have you. If you were looking for a mantra, that's as good as any.

Yes he is, I'm a nice, loyal person. I'm going to cook him a fab meal on Thursday & If I'm not enough for him then he can do one!!

I'm not sure cooking someone a meal is the best way of setting out on more assertive attitude :) but good luck