Timidtessa update

[Timidtessa]

So, last night myself and dp discussed what had happened this week.I explained very clearly how I felt and why I felt that way.For the first time ever I didn't back down, give in or get upset.Just explained clearly that I deserve so much more than the way I am being treated.He said he was upset at the fact that he feels he is not involved in and decisions made re the dcs.I asked him how he came to feel this way as he had never mentioned it before and that I discuss everything with him including what coat to buy etc.He said he felt powerless when I took the dcs the other night.I explained that I was left with no alternative.Bfeeding the baby and Didnt want older dc to be upset (just going on a sleepover).I had spoken to him on the phone and told him that I would drop dcs over in the morning.I want what is best for the dcs and that is equal time with us both.I would never take them from him to hurt him.It just seemed like I had no other option.

Do you feel you were in control of the outcome?

I do.He just expects this to blow over and said he would try to make more of an effort.

Do you have a plan of action for what will happen if he doesn't make more of an effort? Do you have an idea of what 'more effort' looks like? Does he fully understand the task and the consequences of failure... because expecting it to blow over doesn't sound like he's taking you very seriously.

I'm sorry I don't know the back-story really.

It's a long back story really-being taken for granted,him being v self centred,having to fight for every little decision,my wants and needs not being taken seriously.His excuse is that he's stressed from his job.This had been the case for the last number of years.Hes very good at talking.

So do you have a good idea in your mind what 'more effort' looks like an do you have a plan for what happens if he doesn't take you seriously?

I do but I am finding it hard to let get of hurt and resentment built up over the last while.His actions don't look like those of someone who is supposed to love and care for you.Yet I want to make this work

I think what you really mean is that you want a respectful, loving, kind and appreciative partner? Sadly, if that is not the person he is and if it's not what he wants to be, no amount of effort on your part will achieve that. You cannot make a bad man good. Square peg.. round hole...

It is also not your responsibility to 'let go' of hurt and resentment. If you feel hurt and resentful, it's because you've been subjected to selfish and disrespectful behaviour. To think you can just let that go is unrealistic and also unwise.

Thanks cogito.I will take my time to think about where to go from here.I think I know the right answer and it seems so logical ...it's just hard.I won't rush into anything.For now we are on a break.He is away during the week which helps.

If he's away during the week why don't you take the opportunity to get some information on what the alternatives are ie. a life without him? Get legal advice, financial advice, confide in a friend or family member... Things always seem more difficult when you're in the dark