I'm rubbish at empathy I apologise (chip missing in the brain I think, or too much bad baggage inthe recent past), but I just saw this and wanted you to know I've also been there, about a year ago, it was as if everything came to a head and the straw that broke the camel's back was something flippant.
I was literally laying on the carpet once the children were in bed, sobbing silently, and knew I'd just given up completely oneberything - I didn't pay bills anymore, didn't go out, didn't talk to anyone, didn't clean the house, didn't watch telly, stayed in bed as much as possible, childcare was bare minimum but I still loved them intensely eventhough I was satthere tears streamingdown myfacemost evenings, stopped thinking of all my problems, just stopped thinking full stop really. Gave up.
The next morning, it was as if I had to go through that moment of giving up completely to finally see a way ahead. Sounds ridiculous but I needed to get that far down first to get back to where I knew I could begin to get happier.
I assume that's the point people are supposed to get prescriptions for happy pills but that didn't cross my mind, it felt a natural process to be laying on the carpet, giving up on it all, I'd stopped worrying how to solve my problems, realised they could actually be too big for me to deal with, so that took the pressure off, letting go.
My worst case scenarios of debt collectors happened of course, eviction, all the rest of it, but I rode numbly through it andor wasn't even scary, it was a relief to finally face my demons, and eventually came out the other end, as the laws of Physics will guarantee will happen.
There's one guarantee of Hope for you at least :)
I genuinely wish you well, pookyandponky, it will all be alright soon.