H rejects baby when angry

[hesneezes]

This is really upsetting. Our baby is 2 months old and we have had alot of arguments since he was born, some in front of him. On several occasions when h had been angry with me when he's been looking after baby, he just turns round tells me to look after baby. he has even left him alone and told me to look aftr him. He says it's because he thinks i think he's a bad dad.In fact, the only thing i think he does wrong about being a dad is precisely this and he has sworn a few times infront of him. I have told him how much it bothers me but he just says i shouldn't start arguments infront of baby, which i know in theory is right, but you can't always plan when an argument will happen. Whereas he deliberately gives me baby when he's angry with me. Feel i need to talk to him about this again tonight to find out why it happens and try to make him see how wrong it is but really don't want it to escalate into another row. Advice anyone?

www.womensaid.org.uk violent behaviour of any form needs help,see tyedye"s thread in "relationships"we will help you if we can hun xxx

do you think what he said to me tonight consitutes 2violent behaviour". I suppose it's me guilty of that as i threw my ring and then thumped him after he swore and caled me a bitch. Looks like another weekend ruined - i wish things could be batter. Doc gave me some anti depressants a few weeks ago but been reluctant to take them - maybe i should?

I wouldn't make any big decisions just yet. This time now, with the baby so young, is probably as stressful and difficult as it gets. There are lots of issues which should be taken into account.

It's difficult to judge, just on the basis of these posts, if either of you is being unreasonable or unfair and also difficult to judge what kind of stress you are under. Did the doc give you ADs for PND? If so then perhaps they will make you feel better (I have no experience of ADs so don't want to advise either way).

Also, was the baby planned? Is dh finding it difficult to adjust to fatherhood? Would it perhaps help to have counselling?

But having said all that, if he has a history of a violent temper and you are genuinely afraid for your safety then that changes everything.

Have you thought of going to relate?

yes baby was planned and very very wanted. I'm not scared for my safety with h, i'm sacred he'll do something that will cause me more anxiety like disappearing for hours, kicking a door or something. I'm not scared he'll hurt me or ds

been to relate before and to another counsellor and everything they say makes sense. trouble is my negativity and anxiety mean things keep going wrong and whatever dh does is never enough - always have to push for more

sweetie-there are worse things than kicking a door etc....you and he need to learn to talk to each other?!your baby will NOT benefit from being in such an environment-but it sounds like its an environment borne of love and frustration.
I sound patronising i know-but theres not much i havent seen!x

It sounds like you are finding things very tough at the moment and possibly taking it all out on dh. Maybe you should consider seeing a counsellor on your own, to get to the root of your anxieties and negativity. As I said I don't feel qualified to give advice in this area, have you spoken to your HV about this?

I was very patronising last night-sorry,hope things are a little better for you today?x

it's o you weren't patronising. I've started the ADs but am worried about what happens in the meantime as theytake a while to work.Hit myselt this morning as i felt h wasn't helping me - i wish i could get on with thisng and be happy

hesneezes, don't blame yourself. If you are suffering from depression then it is an illness like any other and not your fault.

Do you have any support,family or friends,your gp should refer you for counselling if you have PND,keep posting!xx

gp just gave me anti depressants. didn' mention counselling - been before and it didn' help. i just seem tp push and push tp see if he will keep to what he says about not getting so angry but trouble is, i keep going or say somthing terrible then he does do what he said he wouldnt. i feel in a constant state of agitation. i wonder if ADs will help with this?

he's doen the food shopping today and says he'll cook dinner and give me a massage later. he's asked me to go to sit downstairs with him too instead of being on here. But i just feel that it's best to keep away as i might say something which caused another argument. Hope these ADs start helping quickly - this is awful

we had dinner together albeit in front of the tv & he's now feeding baby. Don't know what to do when he's finished? Talked a bit about how he feels - sad and frustrated. Sad because he , like I, feel we're throwing what we wanted to be a happy time away and frustrated because he can't make me happy. He could if he didn't get angry with me - but maybe that's just asking too much of someone?? What do i do next?

is that you hesneezes? why do you keep changing your name? please see your GP again, sounds like dh is really trying and you want to try as well. Anger isn't always the worst thing, people often get angry, it sounds like his anger is down to frustration and helplessness. Could you go and see your GP together?

Anger is borne of frustation,talk to your health visitor?x