do you worry about your dh/dp leaving you??

[kayleigh81]

This is going to sound really trivial but its really getting me down.

I have been with my dp for 2 years and we have a 8 week old ds. We have a good relationship, never argue etc but for the past few months ive been convinced that my dp will leave me for someone else.
Ive not got any reason to think this, he's never cheated, treats me well and is great with our ds.
His bf has asked him to go out next weekend and although ive got no problem with him going out with his mates this will start me thinking he might be chatting up someone else.

My mum has recently left my dad for someone else and she had everything at home that she could ever want so i dont know if this has made me think the way i do.

Sorry to rant on but this is getting me down and i needed to get this off my chest

I know how you feel, for the first 6 months or so after ds was born, on and off I kept thinking that dp was going to leave me.
Maybe it's because of what happened to your parents, it's making you question your relationship?

I worry that dh will die. This worry reaches its peak just as he comes up for this 6 monthly tests (he has a chronic form of leukemia), and then subsides.

before he had the diagnosis I worried about other life threatening illnesses that he has had, and wars he has been sent to.

I now try to accept that I just worry.

I know exactly how you feel. DH is wonderful, we're very happy (I think) but I keep thinking he's going to leave me - the nature of his job means he meets lots of other women. I often wonder what the f* he's doing with me anyway.
I'm probably still emotionally scarred from xp who left me via a note on the kitchen table, and told me I was fat/ugly/useless/nobody would ever want me etc throughout our relationship.

so im not the only one who worrys about this then!!
Ive tried to talk to dp about how i feel but he thinks im being stupid and says he's not leaving me, loves me etc..but somehow i still have these thought and feelings and i know that if i keep this up and keep asking him i might drive him away.

DW and I both think about this from time to time. We've talked about it and agree that we both cannot believe how lucky and happy we are and are convinced something will happen to balls it all up.

We're enjoying it til then, though.

your parents split has most probably affected you tbh. My father was a serial adulterer and I can be a bit of a nightmare occassionally (maybe once a month) But I think it keeps me on my toes too and makes me not too complacent

just try not to stress and wish him a nice time

Message withdrawn

I think my parents split has affected me in more ways than i realised which has probably made my paranoia worse.
My dp was a bit of a 'ladies man' in the past as well so i think if he starts going out again (he hasnt been out for a while with ds being born) he might realise what he's missing

It's a self esteem thing. My counsellor has told me to use a traffic light visualisation whereby when I have one of these kind of negative thoughts I visualise a red light.. to STOP the thought in its tracks.. This then becomes a flashing amber light upon which I have to literally (if poss) walk away somewhere (to garden for a few moments eg) and deliberately and forcibly visualise a positive thought.. either something obviously contrary to the negative thought (eg DH telling me how much he loves me) or a pleasant thought of some other kind.. which is supposed to shift my mind into a different gear.. away from the negative thought (which can lead to a downward spiral of negative thoughts most of which can be entirely irrational and based on my own imagination and fear of the worst!).

Finally, visalise a green light and GO back to whatever I was doing.

Apparently this is not a head in the sand approach, because, as most of you have stated, your fears are not based on anything concrete or even particularly likely.. so what you have to do is realise that these thoughts are YOUR problem (not DH's or caused by him) and that you CAN train your mind to work differently.

I have only just been taught this but my counsellor says that with patience it WILL work.. you just have to persist in retraining your mind to focus on the postitive each time you know it's happening even if you feel a bit silly at first. It will work in the end.

HTH

how does anybody else deal with this? have you got ways that you deal with it or does it just eat away at you?

oh I'm convinced my dh will meet someone else who's better than me. He goes out with friends maybe 2/3 times a month, and because all his friends are in London as that's where he works, I'm not a part of his social life and don't have one of my own. Only last week in fact we had the conversation that I thought he would meet someone else, not that he would go looking, because I'm sure he wouldn't, but that he would just get talking to someone else. I can't put my finger on it either but he assures me he loves me and doesn't want anyone else. I think maybe it has to do with the fact he has lots of friends and I don't, and that makes me feel a bit inadequate in some way.

No. B/c I've stood alone before and know I can get thru it.

Besides, I have too many money worries to concern myself w/stuff like that just now.

and I try not to mention it to dh really as I don't want him to think that I resent the fact he has friends/goes out etc, after all he works long hours, he can't be expected to never go out with friends.

I do get a bit P* off that we dont go out as a couple as well, i havent been out since before xmas and we keep arranging nights out then something always comes up and we never get to go. So when dp mentions going out with his friends i kind of resent him

we do occasionally go out as a couple, but we don't have mutual friends here as dh works in London so all his friends are there, and I'm generally not very good at making friends so tend to get stuck at home. Haven't been out on my own apart from with my mother, since before ds' 2nd birthday, (he's 3.7). it does make me sad when dh is out and I'm home alone and wish I was there too or had somewhere to go and I guess that's part of where my paranoya comes from.

that sounds like me wb1974. Dp is out the house for 12 hours a day at work while im looking after our ds, so i like to spend time with him at nights and weekends. I know i cant tell him what to do but i just think of him being out surrounded with other women while im at home changing nappies etc..