Should we invite MIL to our wedding?

[MommyBird]

I really need people's advice on this as we have no idea what to do.

MIL is toxic. We know this, she has done some pretty nasty stuff towards us, she is very selfish, shows no respect and plays the victim alot. The last straw was when i found out she'd been telling people/family i'd got an eating disorder (i have no such thing!)

That was a few months ago. We have cut contact and its been lovely.

For Christmas DH and I have decided to get married (we have been together for a few hundred years so I allways call him 'husband')
Nothing fancy, nothing big. Just a few close family members at the local registry office. We haved it for mid December!

So now..what do we do about MIL? We havn't spoke in a few months and she has made NO attempt to say sorry for anything she has done. No attempt to see her granddaughters [3 and 12 weeks]
I'm not prepared to sweep it all under the rug, again. Not this time.
So what do we do? Tell her? Invite her?
She and FIL will be the only 'family' DH will have on his side. Ive asked him what we wants to do and he's said he's not bothered.

Help!

We got married in the summer and I didn't tell my dad until after, his behaviour since has made it clear we made the right decision, my husband has been surprised as he couldn't really see the problem with him before. I suppose make very sure your dh really doesn't mind. So many people said I should at least let him know but I figured it would ruin my day him being upset/angry/ turning up and I just didn't want to think about it. Our day would if bend ruined had he been there he's already managed to taint it slightly. Good luck and have a wonderful day!

I also wouldn't worry about if she hears - via your nan or something. Don't respond to any text or bullying. Have a lovely day . Is your dress what you imagined?

Your STBDH should be the one dealing with MIL. He should decide what to do. Stay well out of the decision.

If anything goes wrong at least he won't be able to blame you.

My mil and sil really tainted my almost perfect day for me.

Don't invite her and whatever happens with her finding out - you don't have contact so who cares. You are not that bad person here, she is!

What an amazing Xmas present

My MIL ruined our wedding day. We have barely spoken since. She has also made zero effort to see her gd (12 months old) and since the wedding hasn't even enquired as to how DD is.

I wish I could turn back the clock and uninvite the evil cow!

We are planning on doing a renewal of our vows in a couple of years where I get to wear my beautiful dress again, have a lovely bouquet (that MIL doesn't destroy) and be surrounded only by friends and family that care about us (rather than MIL being horrible to all my friends, being rude to my family and telling a load of shit to some of DH's relatives which meant that I got a dirty look as I walked down the aisle!!!!)

I have a really good relationship with my mum and dad, they are normal fabulous grand parents and just really lovely. They have helped us with moving house x 3, the deposit on a house, they help out with the children..they do all sorts for us...

So i just presumed all parents was like this. When we moved into our 1st house, MIL and DH had a huuuge row because 'we had all that money and we havn't given her any'...talking about our deposit for the house!

She is shocking. I'm now just ranting again!

My dress is lovely!
It's fitted with lace. Its champagne colour and its just plain and very pretty
Ive allways wanted a winter wedding, i really want it to snow!

don't do it

I think your dh should tell her in advance that you are getting married very quietly before Christmas.If you don't invite her you must be aware that it will be a 'bridge burning' thing and will cause a forever rift.You can't undo it.She will see it as a slight and she will be right, whereas if you invite her and she says no or messes about you can just ignore her.She is your dc's grandmother and your dh's mother.Do as you think best but do think it through.
Your dress sounds amazing by the way.

mameulh - I hope you mean don't invite MIL not don't get married.

Mommy - dress sounds perfect. Hope you get the snow you want - just enough to make it pretty not enough to spoil it

Ideally i really didn't think it would of been dragged out for almost 3 months. I thought there would of been some sort of an apology pretty or atleast taken some responserbility for the things she has done but there has been nothing. i cant believe she has ignored her grandchildren who she apparently loves so much :(

It feels like she is waiting for us to make the first move. Inviting her would only mean that she would presume its all been forgotten and the slate i wiped clean without anything being resolved.

*pretty quickly

Of course cej, don't invite your mil. Definitely do it!!!

Being married feels exactly right.

I'm going off on a tangent but oooooh a winter wedding how lovely, I wish I had done that now. Will you have flowers? And will we get to see a pic of you in your lovely dress with your new hubby

Yes flowers!
Either Red roses or Red pointsetters (you know those red christmas flowers?) DD1 + DD2 are wearing red dresses

And i will put a picture on! Its only a small wedding, we didn't want much fuss. just close family.
Afterwards we are going back to my mum and dads for roast pork, stuffing, gravey sandwiches with a bottle of plonk, infront of the christmas tree! Its very exciting.

We have family parties Christmas day (my aunt), Boxing day (my mums) and Christmas eve (at ours)
so we're celebrating it on Christmas eve as a joint party!