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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Following on from my previous thread about unplanned pregnancy.

33 replies

HeartVHead · 04/11/2013 18:36

So, I talked to my manager at work today and she let me go off early. DP called and I met him for lunch. We talked and he basically said that he does not want the baby. I got upset and questioned him on the things we had planned i the 3.5 years of our relationship and whether he was just a liar and someone who told people what he thought they wanted to hear.

I have come to the conclusion that whilst I could do this on my own, I don't want to. I wanted the whole package and I have to think of my other kids. So I told him if he would not support me, I would have the termination and it will happen this week while I can still have a medical termination.

So I get home and have missed calls, and call him back and he's apparantly changed his mind and doesnt want to lose me, wants the baby, wants to be a family etc.

My mind is blown. I am so not a drama person and this is so draining and I have to ask, whats to say he wont change his mind again?

OP posts:

whitsernam · 09/11/2013 17:24

OP you seem like a solid person, from what I read here, and if you feel you have to terminate no one should judge you. I did try to raise the child and keep dad in the picture, but he ended up screaming at the little tiny guy when he would wake us up at night! He never did come to terms with that child he never wanted, and my son is not a happy man. I had no other children at the time, and I can only imagine how that complicates the picture for you.

Sending you hugs and peace within yourself. Much love to the 3 Cs you already have....

Original poster

HeartVHead · 09/11/2013 17:37

Thank you so much, your message means a lot to me :)

OP posts:

cjel · 09/11/2013 18:09

I am so sorry that you are in this position, But having supported a lot of people through this situation I am going to have to be really hard and say that if there is any slight slight doubt in your mind about not continuing with this pregnancy then please don't have a termination.

I have supported people who have suffered for decades after this choice.

I also understand your position and do understand the being caught between a rock and a hard place but just wanted to throw that in, sorry if I've upset you , I don't mean to but I've also seen the struggle some people have after making the decision to end the pregnancy.. ((Hugs))

Original poster

HeartVHead · 09/11/2013 22:37

Thanks cjel, I know where you are coming from and I appreciate yur comments. I bumped into a friend of a friend today who is having her 3rd on her own, she said there was never any doubt and she is happy with her decision and excited as the baby is due soon. So many issues to consider...my head is going to explode!

OP posts:

cjel · 09/11/2013 23:11

I don't mean to put you down again, but I'm not convinced that you really will explode, I have a sneaky feeling that you will be ok?
Could you confide in someone in RL who would help you to explore your options?x

Original poster

HeartVHead · 13/11/2013 21:35

Well on Tuesday I had the appointment to book in for a medical termination (X)DP knew about the appointment and said he was going to come and he just didn't turn up. Says it all really. He would not reply to my calls or answer my texts so afterwards I went round to his flat and he would not engage in a conversation with me, it was as if he was a stranger to me. FWIW, I started the process of medically terminating which was made easier by the fact that I should be 6.5 weeks but their was no heartbeat and only a yolk sac.

I went to work today and had a really demanding day which took my mind off of it but, really, until I have a break from my course at Christmas I have no time to reflect on all that has happened as I have placement hours to achieve, competencies to get signed off and three assignments to submit.

I feel very sad that it has come to this but, really, his no-show at the clinic says it all.

Thanks cjel for your support xx

OP posts:

CinemaNoir · 13/11/2013 22:21

Just wanted to send hugs and put your mind at ease: if you only see an empty yolk sac and detect no heartbeat at 6.5 then the pregnancy isn't viable. Sending lots of hugs to you look after yourself.

Original poster

HeartVHead · 13/11/2013 22:58

CN, I thought as much. I felt quite sick for 4 days and then for the last ten days or so have gradually felt less PG but I thought perhaps it was because I was detaching from the pregnancy :(

OP posts:

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