Trivial but upset

[strawberryblondebint]

So asda delivery arrives as we are eating dinner. I get up and bring it in and start putting it away. Dp lifts his plate through ignoring mine and let's me get on with putting it away and doing the dishes. Rule is whoever cooks does the dishes. He sits on his arse. Meanwhile the toddler is running around the kitchen creating merry hell. I ask him for a hand. He replies with a hand with what? I explain I am still putting the shopping away and I wouldn't mind a hand with the dishes. He remind me of the rule. I ask him to take toddler out of the kitchen. She then has a mega tantrum whereby he puts her in time out. This is apparently 100 percent my fault. As I clearly had a strop on. He then gets pissed off when she comes to me after time out. He is now in the total huff and I am the unreasonable one. Tea was just oven stuff. Now I feel like shite and he will stay in a mood. He will never never admit to being at fault. Help.

What every home needs eh? A lazy sulking man that points to the 'rules' and accuses you of being stroppy rather than pull his weight... Does 'never admit to being at fault' mean this is a regular thing? Do these 'moods' and 'huffs' happen often? What on earth do you see in him?.

Ok - why is that the rule...surely whoever cooks DOESN'T do the pots? As they have already cooked?

Seems a bit of a strange way of splitting the chores to me.

And now he is frustrated with my lack of housewifery skills where as he is perfect as he does all the man jobs. I am messy but I do 100 percent of the day to day stuff and we both work full time.

Where did you find this man? Taliban Speed Dating?

He does have this vision I think where he does man stuff and therefore all other stuff falls on me. Things only get properly cleaned when he does deign to do them. He spends his days off toddler free where as I have her all day when I am off. It's a total stand off. Why is his contribution so much more important than mine. He cannot clean up after himself yet I should be more house proud. I spend my lunch at work getting dinner buying cards for hai family etc yet he has lunch. I get the toddler up and dressed and breakfasted every day. He gets himself ready in his time and leaves. There is a complicated dynamic whereby he helped me get sober. I am 2 years and 3 months sober but I am expected to be eternally grateful. He did play a part in that but so did aa etc. I'm just ground down

Laughing at Taliban speed dating cog. I think he thinks he is quite modern. I also think he thinks he does loads of housework. He doesn't. He hangs up washing badly and occasionally throws bleach about.

Man stuff = highly irregular and highly visible chores. Yeah, that's not splitting things fairly I'm afraid.

And what kind of arse refuses to help citing "the rules". He sounds like a gobby school boy.

I don't have much advice OP but please don't write this off as too trivial to be upset about.

Oh dear. Send him to Al-Anon and he might see the error of his ways. You could share about this at AA and see what comes back - something usually does... Surprised that you think he had anything to do with you getting sober - you need to set him right on that one. You did that.

Ah.... you're meant to be eternally grateful. There's your problem right there. All the time this 'obligation' is hanging over you, the relationship can never be equal. You only have a few choices really. Do nothing and carry on as you are, ground down and treated like a servant. Stand up to him, challenge him, demand equality, demand his cooperation and refuse to conform to his throwback ideas on 'housewifery'. Or decide he's not going to change his Taliban ways, cut your losses and leave.