Still upset at being binned by my friend

[WinkyWinkola]

She's just not interested in our friendship any more. She makes play dates and has meet ups with everyone else around me.

I've suggested play dates but she avoids them. I've for the hint now.

I thought we were such good friends, had a real laugh etc but suddenly she distanced herself about six or seven months. For no reason that I can ascertain.

What's worse, she's big buddies with my 'Wendy' now (sorry can't remember the right term).

I'm still really sad and wonder why I'm gutted. How do I move on when I see her all time at school etc. She has after all been bloody rude to me all told.

Sigh.

This is exactly why I hate when people give out advice in here to distance yourself from a person you no longer want to be friends with, make yourself unavailable, don't text them back, be vague about making plans, etc.

All you end up with is a perfectly nice person being totally bewildered as to what they've done wrong and upset at the way they've been phased out.

Sorry Winky, no advice really. I guess you could call your 'friend' up and put then on the spot, ask them what the problem is, but to be honest if they've treated you this shabbily in the first place then I doubt you'll get any answers or resolution from them.

Sorry- how old are you? I thought play dates were something that children had? Maybe talk to your mum about all of this:)

Thanks Loopylou. OBVIOUSLy play dates for our children.

Oh sorry! But it read as if it was about you and when you said you saw her at school all the time....it does read as if it's from a girl in Year 6!

It might not be you at all - it might be that her DC prefers to play with other children.

Are u sure u havn't said anything to done anything to annoy her? How long have you been friends? It's not often that someone is ignored for no reason.

ask her! why not send her a text and say you miss her and if you have done something could she let you know what it was?

or ask other mutual friends?

If I did that I know she would just say that she doesn't know what I mean, all is fine etc.

It might sound childish but I guess that when you think you have a good friend and for some reason she backs off, can't find a spare day to hook up in 9 weeks of holiday etc, it does make you doubt yourself and question what on earth you've done.

I'm in a similar situ, except I know the reasons (bf had drunken argument with her OH and refused to apologise). It makes me feel sad, but then again, like I need to find new friends that don't just back off without talking?

It happened to me too. I have an incling as to why, something to do with our children being too exclusively friends and her wanting to make distance between them so left me out of eveything and pretended she wasn't doing anything. She then preceeded to tell everyone Id done that to her . Luckily she has behaved badly to a few people before but it was a horrible time. She also denied there was a problem when I asked. I think you probably have to chalk it up to experience unfortunately and invest in other friends. Sorry you're going through this though

Laura, I think you're right.

It doesn't help that I feel pretty much invisible at the moment anyway. I had no idea that a friend would dump me!

no me neither, its quite a shock isn't it and I still get v upset by it many many months later and i, like you, can't avoid it as we're in the same school. She will walk past me and ignore me now yet speak to all my friends whom previously she told me she didn't like. Im sorry you feel invisible, are there other mums you can reach out to and invite over? My advice would be reach out to a whole host of people and you'll find one or two you connect with and fill the gap your 'friend' left. I suspect shes done it before and will again, such stranges ways for adults to behave!

I think you just have to keep telling yourself you have done nothing wrong ( if you haven't!)
I was blanked by a friend years ago- another mum who lived in the same road. After a few years of being very close friends, one day she just walked past me in the road and never spoke to me again. To this day I have no idea why! We hadn't had a row, nothing had changed, so I can only assume something had been brewing and she suddenly snapped- and that the friendship was not as strong as I'd thought. I toyed with the idea of confronting her and asking what she was doing but decided to let it go. I used to feel embarrassed when we passed each other and didn't know what on earth to do- she'd look the other way-but it's all in the past now. I still wonder though why she did it!

In your case maybe you didn't do anything 'wrong' but she has her own agenda and for some reason you don't fit with it. Just make an effort to meet other people and get through it by thinking she's a rude and unkind person.

loupyloulu, what do you do now? Are you still living there. I still feel embarrassed when i see my ex friend and its only getting slightly easier. Horrid but I think you are right esp about the agenda thing. I think thats exactly what happened with me.

We have both moved though we moved first. I had to put up with passing her in the road for about 5 years though. I once saw her in the supermarket and admit to hiding round the shelves to avoid coming face to face. Not that long ago - maybe 2 years- I saw her at the station and seriously hoped we'd not get into the same carriage- which we didn't- she met a friend and don't think she saw me.
She was always a very quiet person when I knew her and quite a bit younger than me. I think at the time she must have had grievances for a long time and then 'something' must have happened to tip her over the edge but I have no idea what. I am quite sensitive and emotionally aware and hand on heart cannot think of anything I did to upset her. Something dreadful happened to them as a family a few years after she'd stopped speaking to me (I don't want to say what in case it outs her) and I sent a card saying sorry to hear about it , so I felt I did my best to act honourably and keep the high moral ground. I'm afraid I'm one of those people who'd rather someone told me if I was being a pain and annoying them instead of bottling it up then just stonewalling me.

Yes, I know what you mean. Its such a bizarre situation to be in as adults. I see this lady who was my closest friend at school every day and its very very difficult as we have a lot of mutual friends and I feel so awkward but I guess it will get easier. Im sure you did nothing to annoy her, I think some people just have issues and friends don't mean the same things to them as they do to others. Glad you've moved and hope the OP knows shes not alone in this at least

I have experienced similar in the last year and it has been soul destroying. I've seen the term " Wendy" used before. What does it mean?

Its when someone meets your friends and slowly takes them off you, inviting your friends to things and not you/ maybe bad mouthing you. Sorry youve been through this too

Except because some people know very nice Wendies, there is a new term for it. Bitch wedger or something.

Its mean, I would opine reasons range from

(a) she does not like your children
(b) there is something about you that makes her feel bad about herself (this ranges from you make her feel guilty, you are too needy, you have characteristics she does not like in herself i.e. depression etc)
(c) you said or did something to offend her

(d) Or, the nasty one, she just does not see you as a friend material. either you bore her, or you dont fit into her "box"

I have lost friends over time for many of the above I am afraid to say

Either way its really hurtful

what reason seems most likely do you think??? as this help inform, if you address it or not

2 women in my road

• 1 I thought was my friend, over a year or so it became obvious she wasn't really. Still see her occasionally socially but actually always go away not feeling very good. She is perfectly nice, very kind but we don't work.

• second I was nice too because I felt sorry for her, a lot younger. She became quite intense, always knocking on door. Slowly I have untangled myself from that friendship, still say hello but don't engage too much.

They are nice people, I am quite kind but we are now more acquaintances than friends.

Relax, move on... Find new mates

Thing is every six weeks or so, we have this long standing arrangement to have meal at one of our houses with another friend.

I'm still friends with this other friend but really want to sack the getting together to have a meal.

But I don't want to give my ex friend and the Wendy something to talk about. I don't want to flounce but the emails to arrange keep coming.

They suggest four or five dates to hook up so legitimately I couldn't just say I can't make any of them.

When we do these meals, I am just an audience for the Wendy who is hugely popular and my ex friend is her acolyte.

How to wriggle out of this expertly without causing any fuss or gossip?