Mum troubles please help

[Alannasky]

I'm thinking of cutting my mum out of my life. I feel ill thinking it and saying it, but I can't handle her any more. My mum plays endless mind games with me all the time when I say all the time thats just what I mean. She never tells me when she wants me to do things for her (because I'm not a mind reader but I'm more then happy to help her).

I offer to help her as much as I can and the next time I hear from her she says "I was so lucky having friend/neighbour here to help me" but she won't just say it once she say's it again and again :(

Then a week or so later she will still be telling me how someone helped her with a 4pint of milk carrying it ect.
If I say "yes mum you said" then I think to myself and now I'm here doing your shopping she just snaps at me "YES I EXPECT I HAVE". Also I have invited mum over many many times. I have said me and DD's are on our own on saturdays come over around 11 and I can do us all and early lunch. She never has and then I get told "you never invite me round" I do try I really do :(

I'm for ever hearing "If MY FAMILY could help" If I question this which I did last week I asked why do you keep saying that all the time I got told "who was talking about you".

When my eldest DD was due to be born mum went on holiday for a week I was so upset but looked forward to her coming home. When she did come home she told me it wasn't to late to change DDs name. I have been upset about this ever since.

Sometimes I think I'm going mad DH say's I'm not doing anything wrong. I really feel that now when she phones me she wants to cause an argument but why???

Thank you for reading would be glad of any help

How old is your mum?

It's not an all or nothing situation. You can cut back on visits and you should discus anything she says or does as it happens by saying you love her dearly but you're feeling fragile but that really hurt your feelings so please could she be more careful.

If that doesn't work then you can reduce the frequency if your visits or even stop after that if you feel the need to. If she won't then and you can't accept her as she is and raise your metaphoric eyebrows and see it as 'typical mum' then perhaps you're best off without. For me, I've found that accepting that someone won't change and not taking them seriously has made me better able to cope. In fact, and this will sound trivial but it works, I have a little game of bing for visits. There are always stock phases and behaviors that rear up every time so I have a little mental tick list and smile to myself as I tuck each one off. Helps me see it for what it is.

This is what gets me through because I firmly believe in trying to maintain relations where possible unless it truly is that toxic that I can't handle it. I can't change it (I've tried) but I can change how I react. If I couldn't have done I'd have cut her out too.

my mum is 60 and this has been going on 10 years plus now I am certain its not to do with her mind.

Joysmum- thanks for the advice but if I said to my mum I'm feeling fragile she'd laugh in my face and call me stupid.

Also someone she knows who is 70 she is using him in a bad way always telling me in her words he is a replusive little man but he gives me lifts she openly admits useing him. To his face she is all smiles.

Which I don't know maybe its just me, but I was brought up thankfully by my nan and grandad and I wasn't brought up to use people it seems so wrong.

my mum is ruining my relationship with DH as I'm constantly upset by her actions. I wasn't brought up by her like my brother and sister and there for I don't fit in never have time I faced facts.

And after 10 years of trying I've given all I can I even moved closer to her so I could get to know her better. I need some sort of life and start enjoying my own children.