Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

SAHM and Weekends

24 replies

BigSister · 07/07/2006 11:55

How do SAHMs feel about the weekend? I used to look forward to them all week as DH would be home... Now I think it just adds to my workload. DH never suggests going anywhere or doing anything special and it´s always a big effort to get us all ready to go out - to the same places I go with DD every day in the week.
Am I a whinger? DH is basically a good husband but has no get-up-and-go whereas I have always enjoyed DOING new things. He only VERY reluctantly takes DD somewhere on his own and is upset if I go out on my own more than the bare minimum. He says he wants all 3 of us to spend weekends together. I am basically bored with this.

Any advice or your own stories?

OP posts:

SSSandy · 07/07/2006 11:57

I'm always relieved when weekends are over TBH

trinityrhino · 07/07/2006 11:58

w/e's suck at the mo, can't wait for the holidys to end cause it's just like a huge w/e

muma3 · 07/07/2006 11:59

i hate weekends too , dp gets them off where as i just carry on as a normal day tbh still loads to do . we do go out but that means i have to try and get things done in less time iyswim .

PrettyCandles · 07/07/2006 12:01

OTOH, it took several years to persuade dh that we didn'thave to go out and do something every weekend, that it was nice sometimes to just muck about at home and enjoy domesticity. Now that he's finally done that a few times, he realises that it's OK to stay in from time to time.

But he does also want to do things together, whereas I really look forward to the opportunity to hand the horde over to him and have some outings of my own from time to time.

BTW, 'the horde' are only two children, but you know what it feels like by Frdiay!

Original poster

BigSister · 07/07/2006 12:02

But shouldn´t we be pleased to have DHs at home? It´s hardly brilliant is it, to think of DH in terms of some kind of unwelcome interruption to daily life.. I´m also pleased when Monday am is approaching.. Have to say though that holiday times are basically good..

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 07/07/2006 12:04

Of oucrse I'm pleased to see him, and I love the chance to be a family all day, but soemtimes he's just too intense about it all.

Original poster

BigSister · 07/07/2006 12:05

Hi PrettyCandles, I think we´re in a different situation here!

OP posts:

alexsmum · 07/07/2006 12:05

i love weekends. we always do something-even if it's just a trip to see my parents or going to the shops.it's always better with dh around just because he's my best friend and we have fun together. i long for the weekends and the holidays .

beckybrastraps · 07/07/2006 12:07

I LOVE weekends. Dh always takes one or both of the kids off for a few hours so I get some time on my own. I lounge around and read the paper. He has a bit of garage time too. He often cooks on a Saturday. I get up with the kids on Saturday, he has a lie-in. He gets up on Sunday and I have a lie-in. Nobody does any housework (I do have to have a bit of a blitz on Mondays). Sometimes we go out for a walk or a bike ride. It is a chance for him to spend time with us, and for the kids (and me) to spend time with him, and it's great. Although it is nice to have time without the children after being with them all week, it's almost as much of a relief just to share them I think.

ghosty · 07/07/2006 12:08

I am pleased to have DH at home. He is out all week and wants to be at home with us, not off out to places I go to with DD (he'd rather eat glass!).
We do, however go out for walks and bike rides or if the weather is crap the movies and stuff that I wouldn't necessarily do on my own with the kids.
We try and balance it - he understands that I need to get out of the house at the weekend and I understand that he wants to be at home ...
So .... often I leave the kids at home with him and leg it for a couple of hours Best of both worlds IMO!

PrettyCandles · 07/07/2006 12:09

Yes, I suppose we're at opposite ends really , but as a result of the same thing - he also wants all of us to spend weekends together!

muma3 · 07/07/2006 12:13

totally agree with becky about it being as good to share them as not have the dc
i do like dp to see what they can do esp dd3 (1y) he gets to catch up on what her lastest achievements are

Twiglett · 07/07/2006 12:16

used to feel the same .. trapped and resentful

but now that DH is feeling better we've started to do stuff at the weekends .. DH takes both kids to DS's football .. we all go swimming .. we go out for picnics, we've even been camping .. its much much better

you need to write a big list of what kind of stuff you could do at the weekends then pick one to do (together) each week .. if you find one you like repeat it

Pagan · 07/07/2006 12:26

Love em as long as we DO something. Hanging round the house drives me nuts as I've been there all week so weekends are definitely for getting away. IF DH has had a tough week and can't be bothered then I go on a complete downer.

muma3 · 07/07/2006 12:32

i know that feeling sometimes when he gets in on a friday eve i just say "come one we are going out " never have a plan just know we dont have to get up in morn and can do anything so even if it ends up with us going to browse round tescos then so be it at least i fell a bit free and its a change in senery

tiswas · 07/07/2006 12:33

I'm with you Pagan, cannot wait to get out at weekends as a family - Anywhere! - I know he probably wants to veg at home after working all week but he's good he does make the effort. Even though sometimes its a real drag trying to motivate him!

Dior · 07/07/2006 12:34

Message withdrawn

harrisey · 07/07/2006 12:37

My dh does help out a lot with the kids at the weekend, he's a great Dad, adn he also does the housework etc - very good at thet.
BUT he vever wants to go out anywhere. He is out all week at work and so likes being at home at teh weekend - I like to go out and do things as a family. So we kind of compromise on it all - but noone is ever totally happy about it. Also if we dont go out at the weekend Monday is a nightmare.

apronstrings · 07/07/2006 12:38

I love weekends - sometimes on sunday I cry cos I don't want dh to go back to work.

Original poster

BigSister · 07/07/2006 14:59

Twiglett, I really like your list idea!! I´ll write one up in advance of the weekend when I have some peace and quiet (too late now). Then we just have to look on the Sat/Sun morning, decide, pack our things and head straight off!

OP posts:

YellowFeathers · 07/07/2006 15:07

Dh doesn't have every weekend off but will have days off during the week too. If I've been stuck in the house then I really enjoy getting out together even if its just into town.

Picnics are a great idea. No one can complain of it costing money and its ideal with the nice weather. Take some yummy food, drinks, games and a huge blanket. All you need to do is find a nice spot. Jobs a good un!

If we want to go further afield, say to the coast, we always decide days before so that we can set the alarm and set off early to avoid traffic. Its something to look forward too.

HappyDaddy · 07/07/2006 16:01

We just enjoy spending time together, whether we're doing something or not.

DW works full time and I work 9-4.30 mon-fri so i still do most of the household and toddler duties.

footprint · 07/07/2006 16:13

I always really look forward to w/es as I think I'll have some company, but then the reality turns out to be dh spends 48 hours playing computer games and then it's monday again....

Now it's holidays for 7 weeks (he's a teacher) so he's spending ALL the time on the computer except when I kick him off (like now).

Ho hum!

bourneville · 07/07/2006 16:31

I'm a single mum so not quite the same thing, but i have a boyf & i have to say things do feel harder or more complicated when he's around, sometimes like i've had a 2nd person to look after, & also dd's terrible twos behaviour always seems magnified somehow - either because she is being worse cos there's 2 of us to play up to, or because she isn't getting as much of my attention as she usually gets ( or his, for that matter) - or because i perceive it like that because i've someone else to attend to! It is usually nice just having adult company for me though, and a different sort of relationship for dd to enjoy. Weekends are hard if i've nothing at all planned with any friends/family - during the week we have playgroups to go to, other children to meet up with, etc, and with no plans & alone with dd, the days do drag.

But because boyf obv isn't here every weekend, it's not really an issue when it is hard. If he is, we sometimes go out (not usually anything more ambitious than the park), sometimes stay in, depending what we feel like.
Being a single mum with a boyf as opposed to wife/partner does help because there are no resentment issues. For example, boyf lies in every morning that he's here, while i get on as normal. It's harder for me to be happy getting up with someone lying there snoring but if he was my DH/DP doing that i would feel very differently! Also, I still do all the cooking, partly cos i actually prefer to be in control of the food (esp as he knows nothing about cooking!) and also cos i would be anyway if he wasn't there so i really don't mind. boyf will often do the washing up though.
Also, he does help out now & then, eg give me a lie in or babysit so i can have a hair cut etc. All added bonuses as a single mum imo - i have no expectations at all from him in that respect. He is my boyf currently, not a father for dd or a parenting partner for me, and it would be unfair of me to expect more before he is ready. He has recently promised to look after dd for the whole weekend soon so i can go & stay with a friend & have a break!! was so surprised & chuffed. hoping he will have more of an insight into what my life is like & comments like "well i've been at work" will stop!

Flip