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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does Relate work?

8 replies

AdiVic · 03/11/2013 13:01

Hello - after about 2 years of struggling on, and a few horrid rows where DH says very hurtful things, my husband told me last night (after a few drinks) that he wants out. We have dd who is 3 and ds who is 1. I want to make things work and for us all to be happy so have suggested going to relate. we have had sex twice in 2 years, which isn't normal at all:( I'm pretty sure there is no one else. He is just so busy with his work, diy etc and we never have anytime for eachother. when we do, we don't have anything to say and he has told me i'm boring and have nothing to say. he always seems so pissed off with me and really nit picks all the time. We had a baby in between the 2, but he had problems and was delivered at 20 weeks - I kind of knew what the baby would look like, but i think the shock really hit oh really badly. If we didnt have the children, we would go our separate ways, but i so want to make it work for them. We are also in debt, and I can't see how we could seperate, we would have to sell the house etc. I feel so lonely and sad about it all. He has happily agreed to go to relate - does it work? any help really appreciated

OP posts:
MordenViaBank · 03/11/2013 13:15

Someone posted a thread about this recently. I'll see if I can dig it out for you. I think the general consensus was that Relate might be not so great but lots of private counsellors offer couples' counselling and it can be excellent.

Found it. Here you go:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1881833-Has-anyone-had-a-good-experience-of-Couples-Counselling

AdiVic · 03/11/2013 13:26

hello - thank you for the link - I've had a look at what the posts say. Seems like a minefield trying to find a decent one. My dad is a counsellor and is useless - on his 6th relationship and couldn't advise his way out of a paper bag,so I'm concerned about finding someone like him. I quite happily accept my faults and am prepared to be totally honest, I'm also worried about me and my oh being so honest that it will bring it all out in the open and make it worse:(

OP posts:
Blondeorbrunette · 03/11/2013 13:28

I'm sorry for the loss if your baby at twenty weeks.

This must have been so very hard for you both.

I think relate can work if your both honest and willing to work at it. I think you also have to work out what you want to achieve from it.

When I went I really just wanted someone else to know what he had done and that it wasn't on.

Marriage, babies, money and life make it so fuckin hard sometimes.

MordenViaBank · 03/11/2013 13:28

Yes, I suspect it often gets worse before it gets better! Could you try interviewing a few counsellors and see if you can find one you like?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/11/2013 13:29

No. They're under qualified and judgemental.

Blondeorbrunette · 03/11/2013 13:29

Bringing things out in the open can make it worse but only if you don't talk abt what comes up in your session and it turns into another row.

fliss02 · 03/11/2013 13:40

We went to see a fantastic relate therapist a couple of years ago. Her name is Kathy Rees and you can find her here: www.coupleworks.co.uk. She does Skype sessions so it doesn't matter where you are. Otherwise, the thing to look for is whether a counsellor/therapist is UKCP registered: www.psychotherapy.org.uk. Most therapists will state on their website that they are ukcp registered if they are because its one of the highest qualification you can get and takes 5 years to achieve. Very best of luck. I know what it's like to have your marriage shaken by a baby loss. It's fu**ing awful but finding a good counsellor can really help - well it totally saved my marriage anyway.

Sugary · 03/11/2013 13:46

I can give you the name of an excellent relate counsellor in Leicester if you're anywhere near?

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