Why am I so sad, not angry

[Whoaminow1]

12 weeks ago the man I truly loved walked away after 23 yrs of marrige
He said he didn't love me any more because we have drifted apart, and he felt under financial pressure from me.

Add into this his close friendship he has been having with a mutual girlfreind we have know since we were 16. I was always there for her. 3 years ago her marrige ended and I helped her move back from abroad,helped her find a new home schools even set up a job.she came for Christmas when her x had her children.

My husband runs a Buisness which has put him under lots of pressure. I thought he was stresses due to money worries.

To try to help I re trained, worked looked after three kids. I also care for my parents with demenita. I tried to cook clean do all house work make him happy. I wanted to grow old with this man . My best freind

She kept texting him, asking for help- can you help buy me a car? Can we go to pub to chat about teenage daughter etc etc. I told them both this was hurtful and could she back of ( she was like a sister) Freinds noticed her behaviour- she even made casual negative comments about my financial ability to a close girlfreind( who was shocked). On holiday in France after telling me for a year he was staying away/ not texting her , I saw a text showing he sent her a £80 present.He's swears he's not having an affair swears his not in love with her. He has walked away from my love the family's love saying we have drifted apart. He refuses counselling. Just says he wants a divorce.

However he is too bust with his Buisness to actually go to a solicitor. His Buisness and all his staff work from outbuildings at my home. Si it is up to me to go to a solicitor so I can get a financial agreement, so I can sell the house and move on emotionally

It's like the man I love has vanished

He sees the 12 16 18 kids once a week, talks about superficial things, not their emotions.he is living in a caravan( from a five bed house) I have begged him to rent somewhere the kids can visit.

He acts calm emotionless walks in and out of the house, casually asking for a price of cake

I am holding it together, working trying to maintain normality, telling the kids he loves them.cuddling them, cooking nice meals, trying to smile. hiding the pain from my 87 yr old parents who are devistated. They've known and loved him since he was 16

Every night it feel so depressed, often a crying child or teenager in my bed,I want to get angry I want to forget my love, I want to beg him, and yet I can't.is my head ever going to recover from this I want to laugh again, to feel loved again, to feel attractive again

I really believed in us

Ps my oldest girlfreind as quoted above has not contacted me in any way. I saw her in a shop, I turned around and she smiled at me and said" how are you" I couldn't speak just walked away. She was my bridesmaid. My husband is adamant that they are just friends!

I have nothing helpful to offer you but couldn't let you go unanswered, you sound so so sad. Do you have other RL support? Have a hand to hold until others come along as I'm sure they will.

I have great girlfreins who try to keep me smiling, and great people at work, but it just is with me in every moment of the day.i am beginning to feel exhausted trying to keep life normal for the kids

I'm glass you've friends. Are you leaning on them properly? And being honest with them about how you feel? If you're working hard to keep it 'normal' for the kids I wonder whether you downplay things to your friends.

Emotions come in all shapes and sizes and aren't always predictable. Maybe you're not ready for anger, maybe you've just not had space and time to be angry. It sounds like you're still managing him, like asking him to rent somewhere other than a caravan-is that parked on your property?

Glad not glass

No he bought a£3.500 one bed caravan and put it on an empty camp site, no electricity. He goes to a service station for a shower every day!

Does he realise that you don't have to sell the house until your youngest child is 18? You have time on your side and he has responsibilities. I know you feel like the world is crashing down but you have options. Book a solicitor's appt and find out where you stand. Ask about keeping him out of the house and separating your living space from his business as a priority. If the children want to see him they can walk across to his caravan.

Do any of you reading this think he is having an affair. He has always been such a straight honest bloke

The caravan is 10 miles away. He and all the staff come and go to an outbuilding right outside my kichren window. I want not to see him as it's so painful, but his around everyday. He doesn't want to move his Buisness out because of the cost. My solicitor is writing to say we want a financial agreement before Christmas or it will go through the courts. There is a lot of capital in the house and he wants as much as possible financially to invest into his Buisness and to fund his Buisness odd. I need as much as poss to by a home for me and three kids in an expensive village, but need to be near my parents and my youngests school.

I think 'affair' is a pretty broad church. If he's developed an emotional connection to someone else that could have made him feel dissatisfied enough with the status quo to quit. However, when you talk of secrecy, gifts and your friend's unusually distant behaviour it does seem to add up to more than an emotional connection.

I think the reason you're struggling and the kids are so upset is because he's there but not there IYSWIM. Drifting in and out, cooking meals, and acting as though he never left... before going back to his caravan, withdrawing his affection. I would suggest that has to stop a.s.a.p. if you're to accept that it's over and have a chance to move on with your life. Doesn't sound like you can do anything about the work premises but this half-way 'cake requesting' arrangement is confusing everyone involved. If he's gone, he's gone.

He can want money for all he likes, but you are not legally obliged to provide it for him, he is obliged to provide for your children. If he is self-employed I expect there is no pension pot for you to claim against so you need to make sure you get the best settlement you can.

I'm sure he wants 'as much as possible financially' but it's not up to him...