Is it possible to get real love back again?

[ABitLesMis]

Just that really. I feel like I am no longer "in love" with my partner of 4 years. We have 2 young DC together and I don't want to just give up for their sake.
I feel selfish for wanting more for me out of this relationship. What's a good starting point for getting a dying relationship back on track or is it too late once the love is gone?

Well you need to start by looking at what exactly has changed - within yourself, in him, and arising from external circumstances. Then what those areas need to be like in future for you to be contented, and then whether there is a route from A to B.

I guess the main change would be having the children. Our lives are very stressful for lots of reasons.
We would always make an effort to spend time together but neither of us can be bothered now.

For the first half of our relationship thing were great and we were so close and in tune with each other. Since I fell pregnant, I feel as though he has completely detached from my emotions. I guess one of the reasons I fell for him in the beginning was because we could talk about how we felt so openly. Now, it's in one ear and out the other!

You feel that you just exist for the sake of the children and that's your only purpose in that relationship?

How long were you actually together before you fell pregnant? Did you really know each other as people warts and all or were you both still 'wearing your date faces' on best behaviour with no real stresses or responsibilities? Was it a relationship with really solid foundations, in other words?

'Detachment' is a bigger threat to a relationship than bickering IMHO. Means someone has simply stopped caring.

I think sometimes when you become pregnant you are all baby consumed and your partner feels pushed out so they detach and then when you're ready to reattach because you're less consumed by the baby then there is this gulf there.

We were together 18 months before I fell pregnant with our first DS (his third). We had known each other for a few years though and helped each other through some very difficult times as friends.
I think I feel completely taken for granted in the relationship and feel an immense amount of resentment (possibly misplaced??) towards him for what my life consists of at the moment. He has no understanding of how relentless it is to be at home looking after the two kids. He is also a terrible communicator, so I'm usually the last to know what he's got planned from day to day.

Sounds like you would both really gain from doing to counselling together. Communication is partly habit and is a skill that can be learned.

Of course he understands that it's tough being home with two small children. Anyone with half a brain understands it. He's not communicating because he's worried he'll be asked to do something.... he's selfish, basically. Means you have to clear a space in the day, pack the kids off to bed, switch off any distractions, sit him down and read him his fortune.... Decide what would make your life better and demand it.

I think counselling would help us a lot actually. I'm sure he would be willing to try it if I made it clear what the alternative is.
He can be extremely selfish and now, as a mother, I never get that opportunity...maybe I'm just a bit jealous!

Noticing that someone is behaving in a selfish manner and not tolerating it doesn't make you 'jealous', it makes you assertive. Always be assertive.