Fed up. Completely taken for granted.

[HallyWhy]

I've NCed. Wallowing in self pity a bit today.

DP and I have spent the past couple of months or so helping DSS with a business idea to bring some money into his struggling business. I've taken a week's annual leave, given up evenings, weekends and had sleepless nights over it.

DP and I have spent lots of our own money and put in a hell of a lot of time and effort.

It all culminated in a big do the other night, and neither of us (or other people who have helped out) have barely even had a thank you from DSS.

I could just cry, I'm feeling so down about it.

DP is also fed up but resigned to DSS's ungratefulness. If he pulls him up on it, DSS will go NC with him as he has before.

I love DSS to bits but this has really made me feel like shit. I'm just really down today, needed a rant. Sorry

Stop giving him money and your time. :(

What if he goes NC?

He'll probably go to you again when he needs it next. Is that how you want the relationship with him going, even if you are parents?

Gah, I've read that back and it sounds bloody needy, sorry.

I don't want any grand gestures. Just a "thank you for everything you've done" would be nice.

You sound absolutely exhausted and at the end of your tether. Can you give yourself some time out, treat yourself, catch up on sleep etc before making any decisions?

Just don't bother the next time.

DP has to stop feeling guilty about whatever it is that happened in the past that's clouding his judgement. I'm guessing this is the normal pattern of their relationship if he's 'resigned' but it doesn't mean you have to tolerate it or keep your mouth shut. If you've been exploited by the ungrateful little shit, you are fully entitled to give him both barrels.

'NC' is just emotional bullying in this context...

Thanks both.

There are no decisions to make really. Like I say, if DP pulls him up on it, DSS will just wig out at him and go NC, then DP will be terribly hurt (again).

I just feel like I've given everything I've got on this and although of course you don't do things for family for the thanks - it would just be nice to feel appreciated for once.

I don't know how much longer I can put up with it TBH. DP works away so I'm on my own a lot, we have no kids of our own, just DSS.

I've not got much going on in my life and it's felt really full the past few months with doing all of this so I suppose it's a bit of a come down now it's all over. Just back to spending most weekends on my own now.

I've really surprised myself actually how upset I am. Can't stop crying.

Didn't help that I called DSS for a favour earlier and he just didn't pick up.

How old is this DSS?

23

It was kind of you and your DP to help out DSS. He may just be too carried away in the excitement of the "big event' at the moment to think about it. One day he will. He must be grateful really even if he hasn't said it out loud. Feel proud of yourself for being the bigger person.

Also, remember that many youngsters expect nothing less than help from their parents. So not thanking them may be thoughtless but does not necessarily mean they are horrid.

How old is DSS?

Look... stop getting upset. He may be a manipulative shit and your DP may be frightened of him but you don't have to go along with this crap. If/when you get hold of him tell him that you don't like his behaviour... hang the consequences.

It's a good point VoiceofRaisin - perhaps he's just never going to show it as that's just what parents "do". Maybe I have unreasonable expectations, I don't know.

Cogito - DP isn't frightened of him at all. He's resigned himself though to how he is, which isn't right.

Hally, i understand why you're upset, but on the other hand it does seem like you enjoyed it and life was a lot better when you were helping out as now you're weekends are spent alone.

perhaps DSS is aware of this and hence you helping him out seemed like less of an obvious thing to be effusive with thanks about, because he could see you benefitted and enjoyed too. no excuse for not saying thank you though.

if youo enjoyed doing it, dont cut your nose off to spite your face, as he wont ask again if he thinks that drama will follow. 23 year old males are pretty thoughtless beings, doesn't mean he didn't appreciate it.

Your DP is frightened that his DS will go NC (no contact?)....

The feeling I get from your posts is that DSS is somewhat entitled, takes it for granted that you and DH will help him (heck, you should grateful for the opportunity to do so!) and flounces off in a huff at any suggestion that he is anything other than Golden Boy..,, until, of course, he wants something again, when he will swagger back and the process starts again...What you do depends on how important 'fam-lee' is to you and DH - you may not want to tell him to go forth and multiply the next time he wants something, but you can limit your input to 'what you are prepared to do without thanks' .