Never happy

[thirtyoneandclueless]

Been married for 10 years feeling kind of lost right now. Just had yet another row with my DH where I have been called boring as well as other things.

He says he doesnt make any effort because I dont. Im sick of hearing this. He goes out at least one evening every weekend I get an evening out once in a blue moon even then he is reluctant to stay with the DC.

I just feel like I wish he would leave tbh although it terrifies me. My head is a shed. I sufer from low self esteem I quite often think he is seeing somebody else although I dont accuse him.

I dont really know why Im posting just feeling sad. Wish I had somewhere to go tonight but it just occurred to me I dont have one friend I can call who would be free, they are all in happy relationships and will be spending the evening with their loved ones.

I think when your own relationship is floundering... You automatically assume everyone else is happy and in loving relationships.. When in fact, most couples have issues.

You need to sit down and talk to your DH about how you feel, and take it from there.

I too wish I wasn't in the relationship I am, and the alternative option to separate is a massive one.

Wishing you luck in going forward! Hugs x

I know how you feel... Before my divorce I had absolutely no one, not one single person I could turn to, not even a married one :(

What would happen if you divorced him? Have you considered it?

It's clear you suffer from low self-esteem and that's not surprising if you're living with someone who thinks it's OK to insult you, belittle you and take you for granted. Do call your friends. For all you know, they're thinking you're in a happy relationship and going to be spending the evening doing something fun. A real friend would want to know if you're struggling. Pick up the phone rather than being alone

If a future without this man terrifies you, I'd strongly recommend doing a bit of research on what the reality of an independent life post divorce would mean. You can get the information together, even if you don't plan to do anything about it just yet. Solicitors, CAB, Womens Aid. 'Knowledge is power' and it may give you a lot more confidence.

I agree with cog, just say to a friend 'is it ok if I pop round tonight, I'm struggling at the mo and could really do with getting out'. If you sit over a cup if tea they might realise how fed up you are.

"When in fact, most couples have issues."

Do they?

I think the PP means that it's not safe to assume that every other couple is sat home in a state of bliss and you're the only one who's relationship is in trouble.

'whose' (always get that wrong)

I tried to talk to him this morning and it descended into a row.

He says he wont stop going out he works hard and he deserves a night out once a week. Maybe he's right I dont know anymore. Its more the fact it is every week and he is out until the early hours. This evening is going to be a write off because he will be tired.

I have considered divorce, I work and think I could support myself just not sure what is the right thing to do. Think we are both sick of discussing the same issues over and over.

Thank you for your kind words and advice.

Sorry you got shouted down again. Everyone deserves a night out, including yourself. Do you ever socialise as a couple?

Not really no. We used to even after the kids. I dont know whats changed, perhaps its gone too far now and there is no way back.

Like Cogito says, get some advice.

I was in a bad relationship for years and the longer it goes on the more normal it becomes. Could you get away for a few days? If you spent some time on your own you might see the situation more clearly.

Suggest accompanying him on his next night out. Tell him you'll book the babysitter, get yourself togged up and off you go. His 'deserved' relaxation with the woman he's meant to love most in the whole wide world.

Tip... if he objects to this then yes, it's probably gone too far.