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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What a mess, managed to upset MIL!

5 replies

Pyjamadonkey · 01/11/2013 22:21

Background story: I am 27 weeks pregnant with DC2 (DS1 will be 2 when baby arrives). My family are on the other side of the world, PIL are 3 hours drive away.
Our big concern at the moment us what to do with DS1 when I go into labour. We've thought about asking friends or work colleagues to be emergency baby sitting stand byes should I go into labour out of nursery school hours (not ideal but hey).
We've also asked MIL if she'll come stay for a bit prior to my due date which she has agreed to, however this may mean days/ weeks on our couch which we weren't certain she'd like as she's previously only stayed 2 nights away from FIL and felt that "was enough". She also has form for saying she is going to come visit DS1 but never coming, so we've been concerned she may not be reliable when the time comes or miss time her visiting window with my labour.
My mother has now booked flights to come 3 weeks around my due date to help out which has upset MIL considerably as she feels pushed out. I really didn't mean for that but I do want some guaranteed help around that time.

Not sure how to rectify it or even if I should be worrying about it!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/11/2013 22:31

I wouldn't worry. Make the arrangements you need and let her fall into line.

Hassled · 01/11/2013 22:35

Spin it that you were just concerned about her being unhappy being away from FIL for so long. It was nothing to do with guaranteed help, it was all to do with not wanting her to be stressed/tired/missing her DH.

And then - forget about it. She'll forget as well as soon as she sees the baby. Enjoy having your mum around.

anonacfr · 01/11/2013 22:35

Pushed out? Your mother has to fly in from the other side of the world- where exactly is she going to stay?
Just tell her you are so glad that your mother can come and meet her future new grandchild and on top of that it means you won't need to impose on her by having her sleep on your couch.

Present it as a positive for everyone.

redcaryellowcar · 01/11/2013 22:38

I dont think you should worry about it, think you need reliable childcare around this time, and your mil will surely be able to be flqttered into cheering up as she will be able to help lots in the coming months?

Pyjamadonkey · 01/11/2013 22:50

Thanks for your responses. Not sure why I'm stressing, just trying not to upset her and make her feel like second fiddle.
I'm going to ask her to come up before and after my mother's visit so she is also around for the new baby or to spend time with DS1 beforehand.

I think she thought she would be a part of the whole excitement about me going off to give birth / coming back with a new baby, and got a bit carried away but that just makes me feel very uncomfortable and was unlikely to happen unless we timed her trip impeccably!

My lovely DH reckons our mothers feelings are secondary to me getting to the hospital safely and DS1 being cared for whilst we are there. I'm just feeling hormonal and sensitive I guess

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