awkwardness around the opposite sex when with people i know...

[Leopardprintsock]

Just wondering if this is something that effects just me, or if its normal.

Im divorced and have been single a long time. Ive just come to realise that maybe i dont act as approcable as i could do when im out and about with other people ( which tends to be most of the time)

So, for example, yesterday when i was out with DD i saw a nice looking man and he sat at the table next to us, rather than look over and smile, i turned my head, got chatting to DD and pretended like he didnt exist. I do the same if im out with friends, the whole thing of openly flirting when im with them or family is mortifying to me.

Or - when i was at work in the canteen, a visiting person came over and chatted to me when i was getting a drink, i replied, went bright red and then went back quickly to my friends, rolling my eyes while they all fell about laughing.

I have male friends, and im fine in their company its just something that happens with stangers.

Im going to something tomorrow and am going on my own for this very reason.

So - is it just me?or a normal way to be?

I think it is a self defence mechanism.

hmmm. thats what i thought too. i only just realised i do this.

when im on my own its fine... i just go weird about it when im in the company of others

You seem to have no line between 'blanking' and 'openly flirting' which is entirely about your confidence in yourself, especially in a situation that even has the hint of a potential of becoming a sexual encounter. Does sex scare you?

Its hard to say some people just aren't 'flirts'.
I have 2 mates who both do v. well for bf's one is a flirt to the point its very cringe worthy, and will flirt with anyone.
And other who's much more of a tomboy, doesn't really flirt but gets on incredibly well with men, some people get on with men differently, could this be the case?.

I think I do that a bit,Leopard.

It's definitely a defence mechanism. If I notice someone looking at me, I become incredibly engrossed in something that diverts my attention away from them completely! (Only really just realised this though).

I do flirt a bit, but only with men I'd never be interested in and I know would never be interested in me (e.g. too old/too young/too fit)

I just wouldn't know what to say to them if they came over to me.

Mind you, I wouldn't want someone to come over to me if I was with my children anyway!

The OP isn't talking about flirting. They can't even look at someone and smile. That's just standard social interaction.

I'm really ugly so I don't flirt, I would be too mortified to try

I can relate of sort having more banter with 'safe men' who you aren't really trying to impress.

No, you're right Cogito.

OP, do you find that if you see men out you deliberately avoid any chance of eye contact with them so that they definitely haven't got any opening to smile and make contact with you?

If you are flirting with men you don't fancy and avoiding men you do it does say a bit about how you are feeling in terms of relationships right now. If you are interested in considering relationships being aware you do it is a good step

ah. i think lines have got a bit crossed here.

im fine doing all that when im on my own, ill start conversations etc.
i have no issue flirting.

and i love sex and am very uninbitied. just when im with other people and find myself in a stiuation like rhat i totally shut off.

i was trying to work out if its normal ( because its inappropiate to flirt next to your child or when you are out with your family) or if its something i need to work on

That's different!!!!

I think it's a problem if it bothers you or if you feel you are missing out on meeting people you would have liked to meet otherwise....

Is it about compartmentalising your life....

i do think im missing out... since mostly i go out with other people. im purposley going to an event on my own tomorrow when i could easily find someone to go witjh... because there will be men there.

Do you get embarrassed if you are caught 'off guard'?

I can relate to that. I can be in full flirt mode when it suits me, but if someone every approaches me and I can tell there is a 'spark' in a situation where it's not appropriate, or is unexpected, then I either go all frosty or embarrassed.

I think it's on the spectrum of 'social phobias'.

I know it might seem extreme but something like CBT might help or just putting yourself in situations where you need to mix more so you develop a thicker skin.

yeah, i think thats it.

i mix quite a bit, its literally when im off guard. so, if im in 'mum mode' i cant seem to be in ' flirty and seductive mode' at the same time.

Can anyone be in mum mode and flirty and seductive with a stranger mode at the same time though, really?!

well......thats what i was asking :)

if i was normal by not being able to do so.... or if it was something i needed to work on..

I wonder if it's the same for people that work in shops/checkouts. Maybe they are in "customer service friendly" mode, so if you try chatting them up they have to kind of switch into flirty mode and that's why it's usually an awkward situation.

I know I have probably unwittingly missed loads of opportunities with women due to being in "I'm late for work" mode.

Ah, in that case Leopard, no I wouldn't imagine many people can. I certainly couldn't be.

I think I probably do this as well - there is someone at work currently who I've heard likes me, and I fancy him, but because other people know, when I'm in a group situation with him and other people I just curl up...it's like being back at at a teen disco with all your mates saying"g'wan you know he likes you"

I know I'd be fine if we were on our own together