Under pressure

[Timidtessa]

Yesterday I felt very under pressure and started to cry in front of a family member.I didn't burst into tears and start sobbing... But whilst my older child was asking a million and one questions and I was dishing up dinner the tears just came.I left the room because I didn't want the kids to see me upset.Basically I feel under pressure from my partner to have the house all sorted by the time he gets home ( he works away during the week).Yesterday between giving the dcs their baths, cleaning the kitchen , dressing them for Halloween and taking them to relatives houses ...there were some jobs that I didn't finish before he came home.I felt stressed that he would be annoyed at me and would either not speak to me or start an argument.This is what happens every week- unless the cleaner comes on the day he arrives home.I think
I do a good job with the dcs, am on my own
all week and am Bfeeding several times a
night.I can't keep on top of the housework all the time.Sometimes it's perfect.Sometimes it's not.Anyway he was annoyed at me for getting upset and went off to bed early.This morning he said he can't believe how silly Im being to start an argument over something so stupid.We have been to counselling and the counsellor did
suggest he try to relax about the housework.He now wants me to just forget about it.I think a lot of his attitude towards me stems from the fact that his mother did everything at home and never expected her husband to do any housework or child rearing.I am also the main earner in the house.Currently on ml.

How dare he call you "silly"!

It is quite normal I think to feel under pressure whilst on ML and BF, the house will be less tidy than usual, you will be more tired and more likely to burst into tears, and arguments over "trivial" issues become more common.

However, a "normal", loving partner would be more concerned about trying to ease your load, sharing the burden, telling you he really doesn't care if the house is messy, offer to take the dcs out for a few hours to give you a break, a few hours sleep, time to read a book, have a manicure, anything to help you feel better.

You have the right to be upset, and the right to cry whenever and wherever you want without being called "silly".

You are effectively a single parent and would probably feel a whole lot more relaxed on your own.

I'm not suggesting you leave for good at this point, but I do think you need to believe that to be an option, and for him to know that that is a very attractive option for you. You mention your self esteem being low. By you believing you could actually live without this man your whole outlook will change and you may well find the dinamic in the relationship changes as a result.

Have a lovely break away from him!

Thank you for your replies.I have packed and left a note.He rang to see would we go for some lunch and tried to make light of the situation.This is the usual course of action when I get upset.Go out for lunch and it will all blow over.I said no.

Good for you. Wishing you the very best of luck.

Glad you said no. Good to have the time to recharge your batteries and work out what you really want out of life. It probably isn't some miserable Mummy's boy who wants to lord it over you. Take some legal advice perhaps.

Good luck. Stay strong. It will get better.

I'm feeling very positive today and starting to see the possibilities that are in front of me.I know that it won't be an easy road either .I feel calm today knowing that I can make my own decisions.He made me feel guilty for a lot of things.Guilty for wanting to replace my small car when I had a crash.A car I had paid for.A car which would be used to bring his children places.Guilty for spending time on my appearance.Guilty for wanting to extend my ml using my own savings.Guilty for considering job sharing .And yet he did what he wanted when he wanted.Financially I will also be better off.He told me he would contribute 50 a week while I am not working.I have not seen a penny of it yet.

Definitely see a lawyer as soon as possible. This fucker's going to try to wriggle out of paying any maintenance. Mind you he may also just disappear WRT seeing the DC.

So last week we had a good chat and he was very upset that I had taken the girls for a night.I stood my ground and told him exactly what I wanted and didn't get upset about it.Anyway he was away all week at work.Home late last night.He rang today and said that he wanted to go to a concert with his boss -overnight stay .Accordinv to him he told me ages ago(first I heard of it and I remember whenever he is away as we have few weekends together.)I just feel he took nothing into consideration-I had left him a note last weekend saying how serious I was about this

There is a trite saying that pops into my mind when I read this thread: Don't listen to what he says, watch what he DOES. He's showing you by his actions what he cares about. I'm afraid one night away is not enough to teach him anything, really. It takes several weeks for anyone to actually make new habits and change their thinking in meaningful ways, and that's if they are really trying! You seem able to take care of yourself and the girls, so what actually keeps you with him? What would you want 5 years from now?

Oh dear!
Leave another one this weekend on his belongings outside the front door.
Tell him to bugger off to Mummy and Daddy's and not to bother coming home.
Lock him out and make sure you stick to your guns this time.
PP are right. He is an abusive arse and a 'chat' will not change him.
Nothing will change him. He will always revert to form.
Stop tidying the house to his standards. Do what you want to your standards and what you can actually fit in.
He needs to leave and give you some head space.
Make sure he does!!!
You will feel a weight lift from you once you have managed to get him out.
I assume it's your house and in your name? If so, you could actually change the locks.

Even better than leaving his stuff outside.
Drive it round to his parents and send him text telling him that's where he lives from now on. He's not welcome in your home any more!
Good luck, be strong!!!

Our house and our children.I don't actually know what to do.