Don't even know where to start really. We've always had a very difficult relationship. As an adult, I can now see that my sister and I were emotionally and physically neglected. My mum has had her own difficulties growing up (was horrifically abused) and I don't blame her for my childhood, I have found my life a lot better since I cut her out of it between the ages of 21 and 28. She is very emotionally manipulative, and not being exposed to it has been great.
Despite this, I love my mum, and really crave a family life. I haven't seen my dad since I was 7 (DV), and she was adopted and no longer sees or speaks to her adoptive family (the family in which her advise occurred), so we have no one.
DD is a year old, and we got in contact just before I became pregnant. She's the sane as she always was, but does love my DD. She has very few friends, and I know that she'll be alone at Christmas (which no doubt she'll really let me know about, saying she can't think of reasons to go on, etc).
She lives 200 miles away, and is physically disabled (and poor), if she comes, she'll have to stay with us in our 2 bed flat.
I just don't know what to do. DH and I usually spend it on our own, snuggled up with lots of food and wine (his family are rubbish, but for very different reasons). He's not over joyed at the prospect of her staying, but he'd be okay with it. I know if I don't ask her to come, it'll probably really put strain on our relationship; I don't know if it'd survive another full break down. I desperately want DD to have a grandma and me to have a mum, but she's just so difficult.
I don't know what to do. 