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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MM is making me the fall guy

26 replies

fuckedmylifeup · 30/10/2013 14:46

Hi everyone,

I had a previous thread about my 3 year affair with an MM that ended in disaster and the breakdown of my marriage (I know it's all my stupid fault).

MM has been making contact despite being back together with his wife. I stupidly during a dark moment responded and she found it. Now he has spun her a merry web of lies about me being a psycho hell bent on trying to split them up/won't leave him alone. He has also contacted me again asking me to go along with the story as he really wants to try again with his dw. I don't want to cause his dw any more pain by forwarding her his emails/texts (he misses me etc. yawn) but neither am I keen on being the fall guy in this situation.

Is the right thing to just walk away? I really want to out of the whole thing. I'm not proud of myself and am trying to do the right thing for everyone involved, even MM.

OP posts:
CogitoEerilySpooky · 30/10/2013 14:47

Yes, just walk away. Drop contact and threaten police involvement if he ignores you. It suits your ex to blame you and it suits his DW to blame you. You can't win this one so take your hat well and truly out of the ring.

Twinklestein · 30/10/2013 14:48

Absolutely. Walk away, close the door and don't look back.

What an arse.

akaWisey · 30/10/2013 14:49

I would ignore his request because whatever you do, you're on a hiding to nothing.

Walk away.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 30/10/2013 14:50

Um, you want out of the whole thing and yet you responded to his contact?

FFS. Dark moment my arse.

Of course the right thing is to walk away. Do not answer any of his emails or texts and block him on your phone and computer if possible.

The poor wife. Hope she sees sense and leaves her cheating excuse of a husband.

gamerchick · 30/10/2013 14:51

Tell him if he contacts you again you'll be asking the police to have a word with him and leave it there.

What a self serving knob!

Bogeyface · 30/10/2013 14:51

I wouldnt forward them to her unsolicited but if she were to contact me and ask then yes, I would forward them.

struggling100 · 30/10/2013 14:52

Walking away is so hard to do when you could just drop him in it with one quick click! But it is also the best thing you can do in the circs. Otherwise you'll get dragged back into the whole Triangle of Doom and Drama. Plus you'll look really vindictive.

Also, you're not the right person to tell/deal with his DW. It's far too personal for both of you. Walk away!

CogitoEerilySpooky · 30/10/2013 14:52

You have to admire the sheer brass neck of a man that paints you as a hell-bent psycho and then asks you to go along with it so that he can get back with his DW... Hmm Whatever did you see in this nasty little shit?

tribpot · 30/10/2013 14:52

Walk away. If his wife contacts you, tell her the truth, but do not try to get involved in this at all. And never, never respond to him again.

scarevola · 30/10/2013 14:57

Just walk away.

Make no promises to him o keep the latest round secret. But do not tell his wife either.

If he contacts you, ignore. If she contacts you, asking you to confirm his latest pack of lies, try 'that's not how I'd describe it' and if she asks you for you account, try 'I don't think my opinion will help you decide anything about your H's attitude to fidelity and I will no discuss it with you'. Then ignore.

And the 'right' thing for you to do now is reconnect with yourself, and fill your life with things that will make you truyl happy - leaving no time for the final bits of tawdry aftermath of an ended liaison.

Putitonthelist · 30/10/2013 15:05

Wow I really hope this has opened your eyes to what an absolute shit he really is.

I know it must be so tempting to forward on the texts/emails to his wife but by doing this you are just prolonging the whole sorry mess. Step away now.

I agree that if his wife contacts you then tell her the truth, it's up to her who she believes.

mammadiggingdeep · 30/10/2013 16:22

I've said it before, I'll say it again....getting involved with a person that is married will bring nothing but shit to your door step.

Sounds like neither you nor he learnt this lesson the 1st time around.

KatieScarlett2833 · 30/10/2013 16:27

Christ, he has no respect for you whatsoever does he?
Tell him to fuck off and do nothing Smile
Make the bastard sweat.

Putitonthelist · 01/11/2013 18:38

How are you OP?

Mumpire · 01/11/2013 19:46

Blimey, he is really wiping his ass with you isn't he.

At least you're free of him. The wife would be an eejit to believe it, but I agree with the others, walk away, don't respond, you can't win no matter what you do.

Take care.

livelaughlearn · 01/11/2013 22:47

walk away - more dignified - change your phone number - don't interact with either of them

You made a mistake - people do - learn from it - he's made his choice: staying put

Better to put your energy into making peace with your exH/P assuming that ended badly cos of your affair

move on

redundantandbitter · 01/11/2013 23:07

Hi hun.. You know how I feel about this triangle of doom. You will ALWAYS lose. Keep in it and get dragged down , stressing at every email and call . Step away and go
Completely NC (which is f'ing hard ) but protects you . And he's not doing that is he? His wife will hopefully tire of the lies and the fact that she can't trust him, and maybe she'll take control and end it . (Happened to me). Then he will have no one to manipulate and no audience. You have a whole heap of poo at your end that need to focus on. Your MM isn't helping you, he's only thinking of his own arse. Grrr , come on, you don't need him . Turn your back on him like he did to you. big hug

Numberjaqs · 02/11/2013 08:27

Yep walk away, NC whatever he asks or tries to goad you into. It will be hard but will end it and end his attempt to control you quickest.

DeckSwabber · 02/11/2013 08:37

Tell him if he contacts you again you will forward all his messages to her.

He plays games with you and with her and he isn't going to stop. You have to break contact and mean it.

LIZS · 02/11/2013 08:40

don't respond, don't get involved in his games or lies . Sad thing is whatever he tells his wife now, he will probably find another woman in time.

Blondeorbrunette · 02/11/2013 09:10

Change your phome number and email so he cant contact you.

Do that today and hey presto!

redundantandbitter · 03/11/2013 11:15

How you doing today? I just re read your post more carefully. 3 years is a long long time. Have you managed to stay NC. Hope you have someone to talk to in RL?

Theoldhag · 03/11/2013 11:40

Hi op, if you are serious about nc then you may be able to block his emails and texts. Others have pointed out that you can tell him any more contact from him and you will deem it as harassment and will be contacting the police. Then block his sorry arse, he is a user and only interested in himself. Keep all emails in a folder, should his wife contact you you can then send her a copy. Otherwise walk away, find happiness in yourself, be respectful and honest, I hope you find what you are looking for.

Good luck.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 03/11/2013 11:43

This is good for you, in a way. You can now see what a manipulative head fuck he is.

Walk away- have some fun with your friends, with your kids, on mums net. Put him behind you.

Putitonthelist · 03/11/2013 12:18

Hope you are getting some RL support OP - thinking of you x