stbxh blaming lack of contact with dc for "knocking back" his recovery from mh issues.

[catfourfeet]

Stbxh has very poor short term memory problems since 2010. Had some sort of mh beak down and this manifested in st memory loss; mood swings , extreme selfishness etc.

Separated for 15 months.

His initiating contact has been appalling ; no family members where he is help him (apparently).

His sister is very; very controlling and has led to him about contact issues in the past. Due to his memory he has no way to know himself.

Anyhooooooo ., the ppoint of the post.

Rl recently ib tried to put in place regular contact via Skype.

He v refuses to phone the dc.

Set initially as once a week for an hour.

If the 10 weeks so far
1 : on time
3 : late ( disputed dinner etc )
6 : no contact.

He does also ooccasionally skype at other times , though my eldest dc doesn't like this ( -

Sorry - can't quite see how the post relates to thread title?

.......ah phone

Set times add eldest dc needs to feel that he knows when stbxh is calling ad of upsets dc.

Soooioooo

Skyping and then not getting a reply is "knocking back" stbxh mh issues and so he had to "step back"

Aaaarrrrrrgggghhhhh

A I right to think f***g selfish bastard !!!

I'm struggling to follow your posts. Can you clarify?

Are you saying that when STBX skypes outside prearranged times and the DC don't answer, STBX is claiming that sets him back?

Well it might well have set him back - but given that you are separated and are happy to offer more contact than he currently takes up - it's not really your problem is it?

He needs to find a solution - using a diary, reminders on his phone, getting his sister to remind him, whatever - so that he skypes at the agreed times.

I'd suggest the broken record technique - tell him when skype is available and that he needs to sort reminders over and over again. Don't engage further than this.

Sorry phone playing up.

He has only skypes 1 time it of 10 on time.

But is "blaming" lack of unplaned contact as affecting his mh issues.

I know it's not my fault but dress up his woeful contact as "stepping back" to ( apparent ly) save HIS mh just really pisses me of

I remember your earlier threads.

You have been through absolute hell with this OP

I have no suggestions beyond ignore, or go to a third party

He is desperately unwell and not rational, pleas don't tie yourself in knots trying to understand.

I know your story too, you are not to blame and are doing your best in a horrible situation. Keep making them available for the agreed time and if he wants more I'd let the courts sort it. I think you have spent enough of your life being treated appallingly.

Hi difference

This Skype is ALL the dc s have. And he can't even keep to that

Had letter from solicitors complaining about "very narrow" contact ffs he can't even DO very narrow !!

It just seems that even HIS lack of interest in the dc is turned around to how it affects HIM and he HAS to "step back" makes my blood boil

Do you dc actually want to carry on with trying to have contact with him? I think you need to talk through the options with them as to what they want.

REally feel for you all, horrendous situation x

What the dc want

Ds1 14 : no contact
Dd 12: face to face if stbxh comes to our town
Ds 2 10 : Skype and face v to face in our town
Ds 3 8 : Skype and face to face in our town

Tbh they don't seem put out when he doesn't call, they are do used b being let down

Can you think of anything that might work, what does he respond best to?

Could you text him once per week and ask if he was up to skyping within an hour so? Then he doesn't have to remember and it doesn't give time for the pressure of talking to them to build up and if you don't get a response the dc know not to bother?

I still can't believe his sister being so obstructive still