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Relationships

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Original poster

other woman now pregnant to new man. why am i so angry?

20 replies

Lyndyloo17 · 29/10/2013 18:37

This may seem a bit pathetic on my part but I have just found out the woman my husband had an affair with is pregnant with someone elses baby and I am so angry, my husband had an affair with her nearly ten yrs ago and he walked out on me and our children. She was 30 yrs younger than him but seemed to be obsessed by him. Anyway, it didn't work out and he begged to come back. I was devastated at the time but I told him I wouldn't even consider it while he had any contact with her. She rang me several times saying she wasn't going to stop until she had destroyed us. Long story short, at the beginning we tried to move on but they still had contact (he was as much to blame, I had no illusions) so I got on with my life and left him to it. For a few yrs we didn't have much contact until our daughter had a few issues and she wanted to see her dad more. Recently we seemed to be getting on and we have discussed going out on date. However, today he told me he had heard she was pregnant and I am fuming. Feels like she ripped my family apart and she just gets to move on scot free, while I was left to pick up the pieces, my x can't understand why I am so p.......d at him. He seemed to think that it was the end to the past. Maybe he is right . Why should I care?

OP posts:

akaWisey · 29/10/2013 18:39

I wonder why he even needed to mention this woman .

That's what would piss me off, in a big way.

NoAddedSuga · 29/10/2013 18:43

Why was he talking about her to someone to find out this information?

If hes not mentioned her in a long time, then why the hell did he mention her?

aurynne · 29/10/2013 18:50

How exactly did he know she was pregnant if he was not in contact with her anymore? I am sorry, but I think your husband is still obsessed with this woman, and sounds like he always will.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/10/2013 18:54

I don't think it's pathetic, the mere mention of her name must make you sick to the stomach. For all anyone knows the man she's pregnant by is also married to someone else. She isn't the issue is she though, it's your ex and all the heartache he put you through.

I'm glad he stepped up when your DD needed him but seeing him more often again must have stirred things up. Was she a colleague, did they have friends in common? Someone else could have told him to make him squirm. Had he not told you and you heard later on, you'd have suspected he was keeping things from you so he couldn't really win on this point.

Wingdingdong · 29/10/2013 18:58

Maybe he heard about it on the grapevine, and thought he'd mention to it to you in order to prove to you that he and the ow are well and truly over. Maybe he thought you would want to hear it, that you would take from the news that ow is ensconced with so else, doesn't give a shit about your DH and therefore she's definitely not hanging around in the background.

LynetteScavo · 29/10/2013 18:59

I think he mentioned it because he though it would prove to you she had moved on...he had moved on....the only person who hasn't moved on yet is you.

To me, this news would be a relief, even if the very mention of her name made me feel murderous.

But I think your DH is right...this is an end to the past.

mydoorisalwaysopen · 29/10/2013 19:04

Because she and your ex ruined your family but she is getting her happily ever after.

QuintsHollow · 29/10/2013 19:06

Does he STILL have "mentionitis" about her? Clearly he has not moved on. Otherwise he would not mention her?

Dont you find it strange that you and him are getting on better when it is obvious that OW is moving on?

LynetteScavo · 29/10/2013 19:08

But, yes what mydoorisalwaysopen said.

She won't be 100% happy, though as you have your DH and she doesn't - I would be inclined to point that out to her

Chubfuddler · 29/10/2013 19:15

The op and her h have y got back together I think.

Your x could have various motives in mentioning this to you

to make you jealous and attempt to reawaken romantic feelings for him
to "prove" they are over each other
because he has mentionitis about her and is a thoughtless berk

No one knows why he told you this. He may not even know himself.

Chubfuddler · 29/10/2013 19:15

*haven't

Original poster

Lyndyloo17 · 29/10/2013 19:29

They work for the same company. The man she is pregnant to works in the same small office . I asked why he told me and he says he thought he was doing the right thing. Thought it would help me see she was going to leave us alone if we were going to try again. He has never mentioned her except when we were talkng and I asked.
Suppose I am just angry that she gets to walk into the sunset with her happy ever after and my family is left in tatters ( and before anyone says anything I am well aware that my x is even more responsible for the mess). Thank you all for your comments. I feel a little calmer now. I am instead going to think of all the things I have achiwved, my lovely children , my new job, keeping my home etc. Whatever happens now, I will be fine. Xxx

OP posts:

IamGluezilla · 29/10/2013 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoEerilySpooky · 29/10/2013 23:42

I don't think it's the 'walking into the sunset' thing tbh. I think you've made a conscious and enormous effort to put the past behind you for several years, tried to forget about it, bury the pain and your exH has ripped off the metaphorical scab in one fell swoop. You're still angry and I think it's a perfectly normal & reasonable emotion in the circumstances. I also think it's a mistake to date your exH. You can never go back. Did you ever get counselling at the time of the affair or have you just battled on without help?

cloudskitchen · 29/10/2013 23:43

You answered your own question. You are angry because she blew your marriage up. Now she's making a happy life elsewhere without a backward glance.

I can understand your ex's motive for telling you. I believe he probably thought it would bring closure. Maybe it will when the dust settles.

Don't let her mess with your life any more, she's certainly not worth it and you deserve to be happy.

Wallison · 29/10/2013 23:47

Hrm, I would not be happy with his reason for telling you about this. If he wants you to even tentatively consider 'trying again', then it's how he feels about you that is important, not how he feels about her. Because he's brought her into the discussion, I would be wary that he still feels that what she does and thinks is relevant to how the two of you are. And if she is relevant in this way, it is because she is relevant to him. I'm sorry if that sounds blunt but alarm bells would be ringing for me.

WhoNickedMyName · 30/10/2013 00:43

Well there certainly seems to be an obsession going on, though I'd say you got the who is obsessed with who, mixed up.

Interesting that your more recent "getting on... and discussed going out on a date" coincides with the OW most definitely being unavailable to your H, now that she is pregnant to someone else. Nice timing.

Forget dating your ex. He's taking up valuable energy that you could spend finding someone else.

Lazyjaney · 30/10/2013 07:02

And if he'd known and said nothing, and you then found out she was pregnant? I suspect you'd be cross then too.

Lweji · 30/10/2013 07:25

This was your anger resurfacing. Because you still feel bereaved by the loss of your marriage and perhaps have felt some pressure to reinstate it, but you haven't really dealt with the pain that it caused you.

I think the problem is not this woman. Your ex was the one to cause it, and all for nothing.

There will always be reminders of the affair. It was clearly stupid and a waste.
You can work on truly moving on as a couple, or you may feel the trust was irretrievably broken.
Just don't try to brush it under the rug. This anger will continue to resurface

Original poster

Lyndyloo17 · 30/10/2013 08:31

Once again, thank you. Am going to see about counselling for me. All the pain is obviously still there. If it wasn't I wouldn't care. Need to clear my head and cheesy as it may sound I need sort my relationship with me befotre I can have a relationship with anyone else.
At the time of the affair I had nobody to turn to. My mother told me to suck it up and my siater told me to write a list and follow that!! They wouldn't come andhelp so I had to get on with it. I had never felt so alone in my life.

OP posts:

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