Don't know how I feel at all!

[MamaPingu]

I've recently been worried about whether my partner was cheating but I don't believe he was I think it was my mind running away with itself.

Anyway, because of this id been mega stressed and he said he'd do anything to help me feel less worried. So I asked if I just could have a look at his messages to make sure my worries were definitely wrong. I could tell he was nervous (I would have been though even though there's nothing to find) and I saw he'd been messaging two of his ex girlfriends about 3 months ago and read his messages and he'd kind of been flirting a bit like "you've not changed have you"

And he admitted he was doing it because he felt trapped (I was pregnant and he wanted nothing to do with either of us as he was scared) and that he was trying to feel kind of back in the old days.

Don't know how I feel about it tbh, do you think I should worry? Breaks my heart how alone I was during my pregnancy and that he was messaging ex'a during that time

Bit confused and fed up really! I no longer feel depressed with worry, I now kind of feel apathetic towards him.

What made you suspicious in the first place?

How long ago was the pregnancy?

Early in my pregnancy he was messaging someone whilst out with me and then deleted the messages, but he admitted to me the other night it was because he'd been saying nasty things about me to her. Since then he'd deleted her messages again because he said he didn't want me to flip thinking he was doing anything dishonest as I was worried he was cheating with her. I think he might be being honest about all that

And I had our son 2 months ago, so it was a month before he was born.
He said since DS was born he's been a lot happier and isn't scared anymore like he was.

I want to be happy! I don't want to split up with him but I don't feel as strongly towards him since seeing he'd been talking to them, especially at a time I really needed him and he wasn't there for me!

It seems your idea of him cheating is a lot to do with his messaging other women behind your back. That is unacceptable. A man who is committed to someone doesn't behave that way.
And his excuse for those messages while you were pregnant is just a load of bs. Is that what he thinks he should do when things get a bit tough, turn to other women?
Op you have to think about whether you want to go on with someone who lies this way, also it's exhausting constantly wondering if someone is cheating on you.

You won't be happy with this man.

The best you can hope for is that you only worry about it on your own, and feel sick every time his phone goes, or he reads and message and smiles, or every time he's 30 mins late and you've no idea whether or not to believe that the trains were delayed...

I kicked my husband out for less than this and after he'd gone, found out that there was more than this.

So he tried to do a runner when you were pregnant, thought he'd hook up with some old flames, tried a bit of flirty texting and got knocked back. Yes, I can see why you'd be pissed off at being his last resort/easy fallback option. 'Scared' my arse.

Your DS is 2 months' old and your DP hasn't given you cause to worry since a month before he was born. But you have carried this knowledge with you for some time and had additional stress you could have done without.

With a newborn you've had your hands full so perhaps now is the first time you've had time to think and contemplate this.

I would certainly have been devastated to think my partner was busy texting other women late on in pregnancy. However you must have decided to trust him and keep things going back then, has something alerted you to the possibility he is still messing about?

It is hard to trust someone once trust has been broken. You will always have your DS as a link to him. If you have a network of family and friends within reach you shall have support. He's been a lot happier - bully for him - how are you?

Just mentioning depression as you raise it, and this is in no way whitewashing any of his actions, everything okay generally OP, no PND?

He treated you badly during your pregnancy, tried to make it all about him, his fears, his concerns, when he should have been supporting you and helping you.

His behaviour since then hasn't changed. I really don't think he is the one for you, sorry.